Let me preface this by saying that I love werewolf movies. Dopple-G hates them - they absolutely terrify him, and not in a good way. I freaking love them. I love werewolf mythology too. Canines are my favorite pet and wolves are by far my favorite wild animal. It's important that you know this background as it could color my review.

Let me also say that my very own chocolate lab just tried to kill me. I was walking to the computer to type this, beer in my hand. The evil creature intercepted me in the dining room, cutting directly across my path. I skillfully adjusted my beer to prevent foulage and stepped off to my right foot. Just past the point of no return the crafty beast turned in between my legs and to the right, neatly turning my ankle and sending me to the floor. I'm happy to report that I managed to throw my left knee out far enough that I could piston my beer hand and prevent bottle corruption and massive beer loss. Not that it matters a lot seeing as that particular carpet is getting cleaned tomorrow but it's the effort that counts.

And yes, my ankle hurts like a mother. It's important that you know this as it could color my review.

Dog Soldiers was a good movie. I mean good overall, not just as a horror movie. The acting was actually really good all around with the exception of that loser who played Captain Ryan the Special Forces jackass.

As far as horror movies go it was pretty standard. I didn't actually get scared at all during the movie but that's pretty much the way of things since Alfred Hitchcock died.

It did well for the spook-at-shadows afterward score. I thought it was going to be a non-register there as I'll normally get a crawly feeling while taking a piss with my back to the closed shower and I didn't get that at all from this movie. However, I just walked the dogs and when we got to the dark part of the street (my house is the ONLY house on my street with a street light) and Kota turned towards the woods and stopped dead and growled deep in her throat I nearly shit myself. Wait a second...lemme check here...yeah, that spooked the shit right out of me.

I recommend this movie for anybody who likes a "last man standing" pick-em-off-style movie, werewolves, general monster, armed conflict, small engagement army or general spooky popcorn movie.

My only major beef (excuse the pun - you'll see what I mean in a second) was a scene in the beginning of the film when the platoon of soldiers is at their campsite and a dead cow gets thrown on their campfire. They seem reassured and business as usual when they discover that the cow died of a natural attack (teeth and claws). Cows that die of natural causes do not generally launch themselves into your campfire. The entire troop should have freaked at this point because unless they missed a cherry picker or catapult in close proximity to the camp there's no realistic human way to hurl a cow into a campfire.

Except for that and the loser actor playing Cpt.Ryan a standard suspension of disbelief should pull you through this one.

Addendum. Sgt.Wells had all of the best lines in this movie and there were a bunch. Top three (all by Wells) were:

I am not breaking radio silence just cos' you lot got spooked by a dead flying fucking cow. (Part of the stupid cow scene described above.)

If we do happen to make contact, I expect nothing less than gratuitous violence from the lot of ya. (Gratuitous violence quotes are my favorite.)

We are now up against live, hostile targets. So, if Little Red Riding Hood should show up with a bazooka and a bad attitude, I expect you to chin the bitch. (I've always despised Little Red.)

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My apologies but this is only a 3 beer review. Hens' Night was late starting and the kids kept interrupting so I didn't get into a decent swilling tempo until the last half hour or so.

Hellboy is decent. It could have been much better. It could also have been much worse. Characterizations were pretty poor and they assumed the viewer knew a lot of backstory that wasn't presented. Unfortunately I don't know that backstory so the movie suffered.

That chick that made out with Buffy in that movie a few years ago about rich mean college students was looking pretty good. She kept speaking though and that's really not her forte. They teased hard on the nudity at the end but failed to deliver and that pissed me off a bit (yeah, like she'd really be wearing a tube top in winter in Moscow).

Overall I'd give it a go as a rental. It's a one-timer though, I wouldn't bother watching it again.

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Lovely Wife has her own blog! Yay!

This entry has been moved to her place.

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Coming soon to a blog near you: Drunken Movie Critique

Tonight's selections include Hell Boy and Dog Soldiers. That's right Susie, I'm finally watching Dog Soldiers. Woof woof!

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A full bladder and the sound of running water.

Seriously though, an email saying just how great the last release of our software was and how a record low number of bugs have been reported in the field despite the fact that this release involved a monstrous rewrite of three critical program modules and how the 140 systems already purchased and installed make this the most successful incremental release in the history of the product.

That pisses me off. That makes me want to go up to the Pres and walk him through the base logic involved here and ask him just what the hell he was smoking when he decided to eliminate the Quality Assurance position for our product.

I can't do that though. His goons would pound me.

(Okay, he doesn't really have any goons. That I know of. I still can't do it though because I would not be able to hold my temper in and I've still got a paycheck here for the indeterminate future. Also, our Product Architect has already done that with the result that QA is being eliminated. If I tried it he'd probably figure it a good idea to whack all of Development.)

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A Perfectly Cromulent Blog has odds posted for which Simpsons character will be coming out of the closet. There's pretty good analysis there but there's one glaring problem - no Duff Man.

That's right, the hidden gay character in the Simpsons is none other than Duff Man himself. That's right. Duff Man. The symbol of drunken debauchery, high times and overconsumption is the closet gay. Hard to believe? Think Spudz McKenzie. The beer drinking world was shocked to the core when it was discovered that Spudz was a female dog. We'll be seeing Homer and the rest of the lushes questioning their own masculinity as Duff beer sales crash. Of course a certain segment of the population will gain an appreciation for the beverage but it won't quite make the transfer to trendy drink.

We'll see a suddenly effeminate Duff Man tossed out on his fabulous keister and befriended by Homer and family who, in typical fashion, will build him back up to the point where he challenges Duff corporate types and wins back his job. During the recovery watch for a scene at Moe's and interaction with many of Springfield's more "sensitive" characters. At least one (probably Smithers) will be drafted by Homer to provide a source of inspiration for DM.

I should be a comic writer. I really should.

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My post quality and quantity suck in an inversely proportional relationship with the quality and quantity of the blogs I read. That is to say, it isn't my fault when my blog sucks. Blame these guys:

If little boys are made up puppy dog tails and snails and other gross stuff, and little girls are made of sugar and spice and other nice stuff, what is a centrist made of?

Whines and complaints
that the big parties ain't.
That's what centrists are made of.

Trey has a two parter on the ketchup queen. First he notes some things from her speech that sound alright. Then he fisks the things that blow chunks of socialist redistributionism garbage all over the place.

Random Penseur has a mini-bio on a philandering, embezzling, murderer. To top it off he was also an incompetent officer and a crooked politician! Check out the second edition of the Behind the Curtain series.

LeeAnn has issues with the dentist. That reminds me...I better set up an appointment whilst I still have insurance...

Simon hasn't caught up to me yet in the procreation contest but he has nailed what it's like for men to live with a pregnant woman.

Robert got published. Like in a real paper. Not just this bloggy stuff that we do. Woah.

Our own Pixy Misa has compiled a philosophy primer. It's just chock full of allegorical goodness.

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Okay, it wasn't actually NPR that pissed me off. More precisely, this particular thing I'm about to relate to you wasn't NPR's fault, I just heard about it while listening to NPR. To set the matter perfectly straight, NPR generally pisses me off at a low grade level. I had a spike of pissedoffedness this morning whilst driving to work with NPR on and yes it was on NPR but it wasn't a part of NPR's programming. Okay, it was sort of part of their programming in the sense that anything you hear broadcast by NPR is part of their programming. This was an announcement, not a newsie bit. So there it is - an announcement (actually two) that I heard on NPR really pissed me off today. What were they? Well let me tell you.

Before and after program segments (that's actual "shows" I mean; as noted above anything they broadcast is technically part of their programming) this advertisement free station has advertising. They read off the name of the segment's sponsor or a general sponsor and give a quick blurb. As advertising goes it's pretty low key stuff but it pisses me off that they claim to be advertisement free while doing ads every 10 minutes just like everybody else.

Anyway, two sponsors that were plugged are what has me really pissed off. The first was the Department of Housing and Urban Development. HUD sponsors National Public Radio. What the fuck does NPR have to do with Housing and Urban Development? HUD is completely funded by our taxes and their only responsibility is to put roofs over people's heads. What the fuck is HUD doing giving money to private interests? That was MY MONEY! If I want to contribute to NPR then that's my business. It is not the business of a dedicated government department to take my money and give it to NPR.

The second was the Gwinnett County School System. WHAT?!? The Gwinnett County school system submits a budget to the county. The county looks it over, axes some books and classes and teachers and then hands a pile of money (including mine) to the school system. The school system then gives away a chunk of it to National Public Radio.

That goes beyond pissing me off. The County and the School System never EVER stop crying about budget constraints and lack of funding and they are giving money away to a radio station. School programs get cut, teachers have to buy their own damned markers and kids spend their days in butler buildings instead of actual classrooms and they are giving the fucking money away!

Where's my damned copy of Robert's Rules? I need to brush up for the next school board meeting. Any locals might want to keep an eye on the Gwinnett blotter 'cause this is going to get ugly.

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From Helen comes a delightfully British item about the Doody family. Seems they've just been named The Faggot Family of Britain.

A West Midlands family is playing a central role in the quest to raise the profile of ... faggots.

The Doody family from Wolverhampton has been crowned The Faggot Family in a national competition, and to kick off their reign they will launch National Faggot Week.

"...all too often the faggot is left off [the national] list," said Janet Doody.

Her husband Fred added: "It's unfair because faggots were British ... long before any of the others.

"The great British faggot is full of flavour and a great belly warmer at this time of year."

Some little known facts:

1. Faggots were called "savoury ducks" in the Middle Ages


2. Faggots were named after the Latin word for bundle


3. Fans have published the Good Faggot Guide

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She has done it before. Now she's done it again.

To the tune of "O Canada"*.

O Fistula!

A hole within my flesh!

My meat tunnel to my internal gland.

With pencil tip I poke inside,
I probe the hole in me!

From deep and wet,
O Fistula, the smell comes out of thee.

God heal this hole inside of me!
O Fistula, the smell comes out of thee.

O Fistula, the smell comes out of thee.

* Yes, I fully expect a team of elite Canadian assassins to strike at any moment. It's okay though - Michael Moore says they don't have any guns up there.

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Lovely Wife has her own blog. Yay!

This entry has been moved to her place.

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1 I'll give you a login to Clancy's View... Wir konnen auch auf Deutsch redden wenn es dir besser wird! (OK, my conversation German is OK, my written German is horrid)

Posted by: Clancy at July 28, 2004 03:04 PM (EGVPL)

2 Oh too funny! I decided last week that there would be no more Heinz products purchased with MY hard earned money.

Posted by: Ronda at July 28, 2004 03:10 PM (caz42)

3 Kroger, huh? I personally just wait until the name-brand stuff hits the shelves at the dollar store

Posted by: Tiffany at July 29, 2004 01:59 PM (5Tm0V)

4 We have enough dollar stores here to choke a barrel of monkeys. And if that doesn't win me some sort of contest for mixed metaphors I don't know what could.

Posted by: Jim at July 29, 2004 02:41 PM (IOwam)

5 I heard that John Kerry actually changed his middle name so that his initials would be JFK. Is that true? Also, LW should get a blog.

Posted by: Trey Givens at July 29, 2004 09:29 PM (3RnFT)

6 "Now you may call me John Fucking Kerry!" I bet a bit digging on the internet will give us the truth about him.I am just not sure if I want to be sick for a while. Have I mentioned that I will apear in the NEWS PAPER on saturday???YES,for I gave an interview today.Supposively MY name will be in it. Ahuh...I'm that good!

Posted by: LW at July 29, 2004 10:48 PM (behRF)

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Well it wasn't a lamb, or even the traditional donkey. The piñata (notice the squiggly line over the 'n' there - am I good or what?) at the party on Saturday was a watermelon; sort of a meloñata. It wasn't just any watermelon either. It was a gargantuan watermelon filled to the brim with useless plastic trinkits, geejaws, whatsits and enough concentrated sugar treats to choke Oprah.

The cheap cardboard blindfold that came with the meloñata failed early. The other parents there had a problem with using Lovely Wife's leather blindfold (comes with matching ball gag) so we just had the kids close their eyes. more...

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Tiffani is fishing for pics. Seeing as she's my blogdaughter and all I'm happy to oblige.

WARNING
Women should sit down before clicking this link. Snooze Button Dreams will not be held liable for swooning.

Who knew I cleaned up so well? Actually I had this picture up when Snooze Button Dreams was on Blog*Spot until the infamous cow picture fell into my clutches.

Special bonus picture for Helen: My furry arm

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1 You know I love my men furry. Bravo. LW must be in heaven. That said, it still doesn't proclude you from being cursed with wild monkey hair, you know. It'll be like...extra. Is it possible in your other pic that you look a bit like the cat who caught the canary? Like: "Who's your Snooze Daddy now, bebe?" type of look. Just wondering. Don't get all paranoid like I would.

Posted by: Helen at July 27, 2004 06:06 AM (pS7+B)

2 Er...I meant "preclude". Not "proclude". I hate when I have bad use of vocabulary.

Posted by: Helen at July 27, 2004 06:08 AM (pS7+B)

3 LOL! Helen, I had the same thought -- that's quite the self-satisfied grin. I'd tell you that I'm surprised that Jim's such a Hot Ticket, but one look at that mug a year ago and I knew Sexiest Male Blogger when I saw him. Good looks and brains and a wicked sense of humor, too? That's our Jim. )

Posted by: Emma at July 27, 2004 06:12 AM (NOZuy)

4 That's my standard grin. I have an entire flock of canaries that I consume on a regular basis. ;-)

Posted by: Jim at July 27, 2004 07:41 AM (IOwam)

5 Do you know how torturous it is to see page can not be displayed when I click on those links? Worse than finding out Matthew McConaughey is gay.

Posted by: Tiffani at July 27, 2004 10:13 AM (xpNFK)

6 WHAT?!!!! Matthew is GAY!!???

Posted by: Helen at July 27, 2004 10:35 AM (pS7+B)

7 That's odd...he never told me he was gay and we were together for years... *cough* I mean, those links seem to be working just fine. Must have been a temporary glitch.

Posted by: Jim at July 27, 2004 10:59 AM (IOwam)

8 No..but that was a torture thinking he was right? That's what I'm going through right now. If Matthew is gay. You might as well just shoot me dead now. I couldn't go on living. I saw "how to lose a guy in 10 days" for the 4th time just to see his beautiful face.

Posted by: Tiffani at July 27, 2004 11:01 AM (xpNFK)

9 I still have no takers on the quest for the identity of our fellow bloggers. Wimps. Yeah you heard me. Wimps. All of ya. Jim. I agree with Helen. Love the furry arms.

Posted by: Tiffani at July 27, 2004 01:28 PM (xpNFK)

10 In order to spur compliance by those lazy bloggers, I suggest you threaten to begin "assigning" them photos from the lovely selection at Cliff Yablonski Hates You. Not that I read that site. That would be mean.

Posted by: Deus ex Macrame at July 29, 2004 03:24 AM (lzBvv)

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more...

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1 Well, let me be the first idiot to say it. You certainly had me fooled. I was, as an English lawyer friend of mine likes to say, shcoked, astonished and dismayed. Good one. Best of luck with the new venture!

Posted by: RP at July 26, 2004 04:02 PM (LlPKh)

2 Of course, I mean shocked, not shcoked. Not self respecting Englishman would say shcoked.

Posted by: RP at July 26, 2004 04:06 PM (LlPKh)

3 Thank goodness! I'd be mortalized if I knew I'd shcoked you. And just imagine what my wife would say!

Posted by: Jim at July 26, 2004 07:36 PM (behRF)

4 snicker. snort. "mortalized". heh, heh.

Posted by: Random Penseur at July 26, 2004 08:03 PM (X3Lfs)

5 The bill for the heart attack will be over to you shortly. Are we to be promoting Protomonkey or just reading in the quiet knowledge of being amongst the priveleged few? Seeing your time zone sucks I'm just gonna promote and hope.

Posted by: Simon at July 27, 2004 02:06 AM (GWTmv)

6 I was prepared to get my banshee out. It was going to be ugly. Snooze guts were going to be flying. I rely on you and Simon to be my daily dose of normal. If either one of you ever let me down, I know a shaman who will curse you so that you both grow weird monkey hair from your unmentionables. Hey-I was an anthropology major, of course I know all the nutcases.

Posted by: Helen at July 27, 2004 04:07 AM (pS7+B)

7 Hmmm... Somewhat stronger threats than I was expecting... Is there any way I can blame this on Ilyka? I swear I was going to do a "what my blog has meant to me in the first year" type of post to introduce Protomonkey. Until I saw the tombstone generator of course - that set off my mischievous inner imps (yes, I have more than one - it's a terrible burden). Promote the new site to your heart's content. I sure will be!

Posted by: Jim at July 27, 2004 05:19 AM (behRF)

8 I think we both had the same idea... I've been working on a separate site, a more personal site where I'll post something completely different than wetwired... http://www.sixofnine.net

Posted by: pylorns at July 30, 2004 05:23 PM (FTYER)

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There were a lot of excellent captions submitted. The first place entry gets 5 Snooze Points, the second place one gets 3 and the third gets 1. There were also a lot of crappy entries but don't worry - I won't take any points away.

Winner
"Amazing new ironing board allows women to simultaneously iron, rub pussy." - Rube

Second Place
"Ever the thrifty spender, Jim has discovered a new way to get LW that black fur shoal she always wanted. The neighbor will never miss the cat anyway." - Clancy

Third Place
"Ironing bored." - Tiffani

Posted by: Jim at 08:27 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Won't be here today. Sorry, y'all. Just too busy today with all the clean-up from yesterday and then the relaxing and stuff. Bear has requested chicken wings for his B-day dinner so we'll be doing those tonight.

The party was a smash, thanks mostly to Trey. Everybody else took off at around 4:30 pm but Trey stayed and we had some lovely conversation to the setting of the sun. Not only did Trey charm Lovely Wife and I, he was also adopted by Bacon. (Click for mondo size.)

I think Bacon had just stuffed a handful of Nerds in his mouth. Either that or he's turning into a weasel.

So anyway, big news tomorrow with more party pictures and maybe some house pictures too.

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My little blog is a year old now. Celebrate and rejoice!

Many of you weren't expecting this post until tomorrow since the oldest archive post here is from July 25 of last year. Fooled you! (And me.) Seems the first two posts from the Blogger incarnation of this weblog were lost in the move. The actual first Snooze Button Dream post was Thoughts on snooze buttons, posted July 24, 2003. Thusly a blog was born. (I've reproduced that post in the extended entry here, just in case Blogger is still going psycho on my archives.)

As it is Saturday this is about all you will get from me but expect big news tomorrow. more...

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My job won't be ending at the end of the month. It will be ending...um...sometime else.

My neighbor in the MegaCube is the product architect for the software I work on. He's also the defacto head of our half of Development since we are still without a vice president on our side of the building*. He has been procrastinating a bit with submitting my termination paperwork. Well I guess you could say he's been procrastinating a lot with handing that paperwork in seeing as he's had it for the better part of two months. Seems he had a plan in case I didn't find another job in time.

At an offsite managers' meeting yesterday he requested and received an extension for my position. I'll have a job until they actually hire a new programmer. As there is no serious contender in the pipeline at the moment I've got at least a couple of weeks of continued employment.

Today's party will be much more festive now.

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(Click for super-celebration size.)

The big guy is 5 today!

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1 Happy Birthday Bear!!!! What an absolute doll....does he look like your wife? Just kiddin there blogdaddy!

Posted by: Tiffani at July 23, 2004 09:56 AM (xpNFK)

2 Lucky for him, he does!

Posted by: Jim at July 23, 2004 11:01 AM (behRF)

3 Happy Birthday Bear! Until 120 years all in good health of body, mind, heart and soul. Hope you got some good presents!

Posted by: Rachel Ann at July 23, 2004 11:21 AM (MKgAo)

4 Happy birthday to your little Bear-or Bjorn, as we'd call him

Posted by: Helen at July 23, 2004 11:54 AM (k78uM)

5 Happy birthday! I wish you much cake and ice cream!

Posted by: Random Penseur at July 23, 2004 11:57 AM (LlPKh)

6 [leaves extra large chocolate chip cookie that says "Happy Birthday" on it]

Posted by: Harvey at July 23, 2004 01:23 PM (tJfh1)

7 With apologies for the lateness, Happy Birthday, Bear!

Posted by: ilyka at July 23, 2004 10:29 PM (sDw4/)

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Update: This post will be up top until Friday morning. Theoretically unlimited points are available. (Points are realistically limited by physical laws.)

I recently implemented a tweak shared by The Bartender to put a Best Of list in my sidebar (it's under "Linkage"). This is neat as it handles things dynamically whenever I put a post into the "Best Of" category.

My problem is that for the past 6 months or so I hadn't updated any of my best link categories so my "Best Of" has a whole lot of best posts that aren't in there. What I'm looking for are what posts y'all think are good enough to be considered some of the best things I've written. I'm looking more for the anecdote style (story, humorous semi-fiction, kids, etc) posts.

Nominate a post that you think is worthy. If I agree and put it in the Best Of category, you get a point. Just one at a time and first come, first served please. That way it'll be a bit more fair for the out of country readers. As soon as I reply with a yay/nay on your submission you can nominate another one.

I've also got some on the Best Of that probably shouldn't be there. Instead of nominating one to go into the category you can nominate one to come out of it and that'll be for points too.

Even more points: One point each for artist and debut album for the song that inspired the title to this post. No searching, y'all!

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