Tidbits of life in 9 minute increments.

July 22, 2004

Our house is a very, very, very fine house

We actually do have pictures of it, too. Lovely Wife took a bunch a few weeks ago. Only problem is they are just after we moved in and stuff is everywhere. Due to some problems (Dell sucks) with Lovely Wife's laptop (hard drive crapping out after less than a year) I've been using the old monster desktop PC (it works just like a regular computer, only slower). This has the side benefit of being the computer that's attached to the base unit of the digital camera. The one-touch Kodak digital camera. I was out of excuses to procrastinate about taking pictures.

I took a bunch last night but they're not ready to post yet. I am not what you would call a professional grade (or really even 'acceptable' grade) photographer so most of these need some digital assistance before they'll be usable. Little things like compensating for Jim forgetting to turn on any lights and things like that. I actually don't have time to do that at the moment as I'm trying to get enough work accomplished to take tomorrow off.

In the meantime I threw together a quick diagram showing our house's layout. You can't see where we live yet but now you can at least imagine it. more...

Posted by: Jim at 11:40 AM | Comments (16) | Add Comment
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1 Looks very nice. Where's the moat? Every castle needs a moat.

Posted by: Random Penseur at July 22, 2004 11:51 AM (LlPKh)

2 Psst-what numbers coincide with what bullets? Remember, your blogging stalkers need to look in the windows to witness the wily schemes. And laugh. And hold up score cards. And high-five each other.

Posted by: Helen at July 22, 2004 11:52 AM (pS7+B)

3 We have ferocious guard beasts instead of a moat. It was the same insurance break for either one and it's easier to feed a beast than maintain a moat. I fixed the number/bullet thingy. Stalk to your heart's content!

Posted by: Jim at July 22, 2004 11:59 AM (IOwam)

4 By the way, I came back to thank you. I just found myself silently singing to myself, "with two cats in the yard, life used to be so hard", etc. and it took a minute before I recalled why I was singing this. Good use of stealth earworm.

Posted by: Random Penseur at July 22, 2004 12:03 PM (LlPKh)

5 I've gotten much subtler than I used to be.

Posted by: Jim at July 22, 2004 12:48 PM (IOwam)

6 ack!earworm

Posted by: pylorns at July 22, 2004 12:56 PM (FTYER)

7 I followed the link and I take your point. Of course, now I have that song to contend with as well.

Posted by: Random Penseur at July 22, 2004 01:51 PM (LlPKh)

8 Screw you J-Snooze! Do you have any clue how embarrassing it is to walk around my co-workers singing "Our house is a very very very fine house" without even knowing it like a total DORK?

PS: I think they already know I'm a dork.

Posted by: DeAnna at July 22, 2004 04:45 PM (IdVP4)

9 i won't be a jerk and ask how Bear gets into his room. Cool house, there Jim.

Posted by: tommy at July 22, 2004 05:32 PM (lhS2m)

10 Wow, is it to perfect scale? >

I wonder if anyone I know uses their carport/garage for it's intended purpose. Ours is a piano storage room: very chic.

Posted by: Tiffany at July 22, 2004 05:49 PM (5Tm0V)

11 I am the king of the earworms. Hehe. Tommy - That's easy. I didn't mark where the windows are. Either that or we've discovered why I'm not a civil engineer. Tiffany - Yup, perfect scale. Only the proportion is different. ;-)

Posted by: Jim at July 22, 2004 05:53 PM (behRF)

12 Sitting in the sun room I see I should have made the sun room about a half again bigger. Also there's a door from the sun room to the deck (also missing). All those years with graph paper and lead skeletons have availed me naught.

Posted by: Jim at July 22, 2004 05:56 PM (behRF)

13 I'm totally doing a Sim house based on this. Niiiice! Oh, and the earworm link?--My boyfriend spent most of his youth thinking the song was called Secret Asian Man. He can't have been the only one. No, then again, maybe he could have.

Posted by: ilyka at July 22, 2004 07:15 PM (NJvzi)

14 Wait, it's not Secret Asian Man? My world is collapsing.

Posted by: tommy at July 22, 2004 10:15 PM (lhS2m)

15 Northerners actually use their garages to house their cars--odd, I know, but occasionally in winter it comes in handy to not have to chip off six inches of ice from the windshield before leaving for work...

Posted by: Susie at July 23, 2004 01:50 AM (11RPa)

16 Ironically, I never had a working garage while living in Buffalo. Only in Georgia where there's no realistic need for one have I been able to avail myself of the utility and here I don't use it.

Posted by: Jim at July 23, 2004 09:07 AM (behRF)

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Just how much is that Winnebago?

It might end up being cheaper than an Explorer. Then again you probably wouldn't get amusing anecdotes like BigWig's out of a Winnebago.

Posted by: Jim at 07:57 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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My other car is a Winnebago

"Winnebago"...it's synonymous with "passion", no?

(Snagged from Ryan)

Posted by: Jim at 07:53 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Spyhunter

Who knew? LeeAnn, the Cheesemistress of the Apocalypse is also a spyhunter extraordinaire. I hope I didn't blow her cover...

POINTS: 2 points to the first person to name the tune that played throughout the Spyhunter game. No searching please.

Posted by: Jim at 07:47 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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July 21, 2004

Google has been around longer than you think.

Google, circa 1960 (click for mondo size)

(From Fury.com, hat tip to Dopple-G)

Posted by: Jim at 02:48 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Surviving the primaries*

I'm happy to say that yesterday was primary voting here in Georgia and nobody took in more votes for the Flying Pig party than Trey and I did!

Can I get a hallelujiah?

* Alternate title: Making the primaries our bitch

Posted by: Jim at 02:28 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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The Tour de Frog

It's pretty exciting that Lance Armstrong has taken the lead and is poised to win his 6th race. I do have one comment though: Where else but France do they reward the leader by letting him wear a yellow shirt?*

* And does it come with a little white flag?

Posted by: Jim at 02:25 PM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
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1 That's a damned good point.

Posted by: Paul at July 21, 2004 02:34 PM (Prvsw)

2 I can't wait until Sunday. Making the frogs play our national anthem AGAIN right there in Paris is one of the greatest things in the world. The commentators on OLN have been pronouncing the race Tour DEE France (with a long "a" in france) - it's some sort of joke. I don't understand the origins, but I get the joke...

Posted by: Clancy at July 21, 2004 03:03 PM (EGVPL)

3 Dude! He's dating Sheryl Crow! Proof that dorks on bikes pull the cuties.

Posted by: Helen at July 22, 2004 06:30 AM (pS7+B)

4 Okay, let's put it to a vote. Lance Armstrong's greatest acheivement is: a) banging Sheryl Crow b) Winning the Tour DEEE France a record six times c) Overcoming cancer d)Wearing a yellow jersey for five years without looking like a complete panty waist. I put it to you.

Posted by: shank at July 22, 2004 08:52 AM (+4mO/)

5 The yellow jersey was not only a way to ID the lead rider, it was a way to sell more newspapers. The Tour day France was originally sponsored by a now-defunct frog sports newspaper that was printed on yellow paper. Yellow paper, yellow jersey...get it? As for Bob Roll pronouncing it Tour day France, when he first rode the Tour with 7-11, he noticed how snotty the Europeans in general, and the cheese-eaters in particular, were toward the American team (the only member of the team to get good press was their beautiful blond team masseuse, whose name escapes me). Everything bad was blamed on the Americans. Crash in the rear, when 7-11 was up front? Americain! Dropped your water bottle? Americain! Your great aunt has gout? Americain! You get the idea, non? Bob said if you didn't pronounce everything just right, the Surrender Monkeys would pretend they didn't understand you. No water for you! Mispronouncing the name of the race in interviews became their way of getting back at the the unbathed grape-stomping masses. Of course, by now, even the douchebags are joking about it. Bobke tells how the Tour Director, Jean-Marie LeBlanc (what kind of person gives a guy two girls names, anyway?) has gone up to him and asked, "How's your Tour day France, Bob?"

Posted by: Victor at July 22, 2004 09:07 AM (L3qPK)

6 Thanks for the insight & history Victor - I figured as much. It makes me like Bob Roll all that much more. At first I thought he was annoying - now I think he's hilarious.

Posted by: Clancy at July 22, 2004 03:48 PM (EGVPL)

7 Shank - It's (e), all of the above.

Posted by: Jim at July 22, 2004 04:30 PM (behRF)

8 Frogs Hock Loogies on Lance From NewsJerks.com During a time trial on some mountain in France, several Frogs spit on Lance Armstrong, who is now kicking the derrieres of their French heroes on his way to win a record sixth Tour de Frog bicycle race. "There were lots of aggressive fans surrounding the riders and I even saw two idiots spit at Lance Armstrong," said French bicycle jaunt director Jean Marie-Leblanc (pronounced Jan Mary doo-Blank - yeah, I know, it's a girls name, but he's French, so . . .). "Unfortunately I doubt you can put barriers on the 14 kilometers of the climb." The French ought to know. After World War I, the ingenious snailchewers built a 150-mile-long wall to keep the Germans out, only to watch them walk right around the end of it into Paris. Smooth. Anyway, Lance ignored the cowards' spit and won the time trial. According to reports, when the Frenchies saw Lance ride right through the lungers, they dropped to their knees and began waving white flags. "The crowds were animated, I should say," said Armstrong, who didn't pay any attention to the Frog loogers but was annoyed by Kraut fans, whose spit, NewsJerks has been told, smelled like dark beer, headcheese sausage and filthy hookers' skanky coochies. "Although I enjoyed my day, I still think it's a bad idea to have a time trial on this mountain." Next year, Tour planners may consider a gay jaunt over the Mont de Peuw-Peuw landfill, where only the the Spanish fans hang out, and they have to save their saliva for kissing al Qaeda's ass.

Posted by: mike barwick at July 23, 2004 10:19 PM (Z0E0X)

9 Wow!!! I'd heard americans were ignorant and yet pompus. After meeting a few that were intellegent, accepting individulas. I thought hey maybe its a sterotype that I should let go of. Then I came across this page and realised that the reason the other americans were such nice people was that they were intellegent enough to see america for what it is and get the hell out as soon as humanly possible. Also if you want to make fun of the French you should at least get your jokes right. There is no language or dialect where " LE " is pronounced doo. As well Jean is not pronounced Jan (as in Brady ) its pronounced more like John without an O. The female version of Jean is Jeanne which IS pronounced like Jan. Last but not least the biggest terrorist group you should fear is not the Al Qaeda but the Carlyle group; a group that your own president is part of as well as Carlucci and Baker as is the bin Laden family.

Posted by: Jenn at August 13, 2004 06:12 PM (S5exM)

10 Better loosen the straps on your tin foil hat, Jenn. You keep that thing too tight and you'll restrict bloodflow to your brain. Oops. Too late.

Posted by: Jim at August 13, 2004 07:37 PM (q6E0D)

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"Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel...

... True, and they have many other fine qualities as well."

Due to some problems with Lovely Wife's laptop I've been to sleep a bit late the past couple of nights. This morning I woke with that pain in the head that clearly stated "You have not slept long enough, go back to bed", which I of course ignored seeing as this is a workday.

I was stumbling about through a mockery of my morning routine when I spied Henk, our sexy main cat.

Do you see how cruelly he teases me? Now that is a professional. (click for mondo size)

POINTS: Caption this picture. The best three captioners will get points (5, 3 & 1 respectively). Contest runs to some time on Friday.

MORE POINTS: 6 points to the first person who correctly attributes the post title without searching.

Posted by: Jim at 08:52 AM | Comments (21) | Add Comment
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1 my cat actually died yesturday.

Posted by: pylorns at July 21, 2004 08:56 AM (FTYER)

2 "Whiskers, seeing an opertunity to grab a warm spot, jumped up on the ironing board. Little did he know that he was about to be permanantly pressed." "Whiskers secretly wanted to be a starched black shirt."

Posted by: pylorns at July 21, 2004 08:58 AM (FTYER)

3 cat: "If I lay flat enough, they won't even notice"

Posted by: pylorns at July 21, 2004 08:59 AM (FTYER)

4 Sorry to hear that Pylorns. Are you burying or consuming?

Posted by: Jim at July 21, 2004 09:14 AM (IOwam)

5 Damn. I can't believe I said that.

Posted by: Jim at July 21, 2004 09:18 AM (IOwam)

6 First of all...how do you come up with theses titles? My 1st caption was: "Iron Maiden" then I read it was he was a boy. The only other thing I could come up with was: "Ironing Bored" I got nuttin'

Posted by: Tiffani at July 21, 2004 09:19 AM (xpNFK)

7 How do I come up with these titles? That's easy. I am the place that useless trivia goes to die. I got a million of 'em.

Posted by: Jim at July 21, 2004 09:23 AM (IOwam)

8 Right I'm giving the world a chance here... I have the answer but will give you all 1 hour before I post it as I feel a bit bad about its source ... I didn't search for it but I did have to look it up ... all will be made clear at 14:32 gmt.

Posted by: Rob at July 21, 2004 09:30 AM (kXZI6)

9 Looking up in books is fine. The no searching rule is to prevent googling and such since those just make it a first come, first gets the points thing.

Posted by: Jim at July 21, 2004 09:34 AM (IOwam)

10 Ok so I'm late. the title is taken from a quote by Missy Dizick. I only know this because I have a cat quotations calander on my desk at home! Missy is also the author of my fave ever cat quote: Dogs come when they're called. Cats take a message and get back to you. Love it! And as for captions how about: Witch Wendy couldn't afford a brrom but made do with what she had.

Posted by: Rob at July 21, 2004 11:56 AM (kXZI6)

11 "I'm a sucker for bit hot stiffies." "Women's lib? Fuck that." I see a theme here-I'm angry and home alone, so I see some double-AA action in my future.

Posted by: Helen at July 21, 2004 12:27 PM (pS7+B)

12 Rob got the trivia question. Along with an admission of having a cat quotation calendar on his desk. A cat quotation calendar. On his desk. He admitted it. He's definitely earned the points. That gives him a sizeable though not insurmountable lead. The caption contest is still on 'til Friday and there's the nominate best posts things still going on.

Posted by: Jim at July 21, 2004 01:59 PM (IOwam)

13 a cat calander on his desk.. what is the world coming to?

Posted by: pylorns at July 21, 2004 02:44 PM (FTYER)

14 To follow a lot of themes here, if Rob had been into consuming his cat, he could have a cat colander on his desk. As to the caption: Henk tried to get some iron in his diet.

Posted by: LeeAnn at July 21, 2004 05:18 PM (HxCeX)

15 I knew Rob would have a cat calendar on his desk: he seems the type. Some captions for you: "It's me or the iron; your choice, lady." "No, I said I wanted a hot dog. " "Waddaya mean this isn't the cat solarium?" "This board isn't big enough for the two of us." "What's a cat gotta do to get a nice back rub around here?" OK I really should get some work done now.

Posted by: Simon at July 21, 2004 08:38 PM (FUPxT)

16 "Ever the thrifty spender, Jim has discovered a new way to get LW that black fur shoal she always wanted. The neighbor will never miss the cat anywayÂ…"

Posted by: Clancy at July 22, 2004 10:57 AM (EGVPL)

17 Hey Jim, are non-bloggers eligible for points? If not, I'll just play for fun. Linked to me name is a URL you may recognize..... Here's the caption: "Ahhhh, this is much more comfy than Jim's editorial page, and just as practical."

Posted by: Donny Z at July 22, 2004 09:22 PM (xE7tp)

18 Contests are always open to everybody. I'm an equal opportunity amuser. ;-)

Posted by: Jim at July 23, 2004 11:08 AM (behRF)

19 Much to her dismay, Jeanette realized she didn't use quite enough Vano in the final rinse.

Posted by: feste at July 26, 2004 12:42 AM (ZI+HT)

20 "What do you mean, you didn't buy this table for me to sleep on?!"

Posted by: Rahel at July 26, 2004 01:25 AM (aMDUh)

21 "Amazing new ironing board allows women to simultaneously iron, rub pussy." That's one beautiful cat!

Posted by: Rube at July 26, 2004 05:53 AM (cGpdg)

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Famous quotes about Michael Moore?

"To vilify a great man is the readiest way in which a little man can himself attain greatness" - Edgar Allan Poe

"Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo." - H. G. Wells

"I prefer tongue-tied knowledge to ignorant loquacity." - Marcus Tullius Cicero

"A narrow mind and a fat head invariably come on the same person." - Zig Ziglar

"He steps on stage and draws the sword of rhetoric, and when he is through, someone is lying wounded and thousands of others are either angry or consoled." - Pete Hamill

"If one is to be called a liar, one may as well make an effort to deserve the name." - A. A. Milne

"Ill deeds are doubled with an evil word." - William Shakespeare

"The liberal soul shall be made fat." - Bible

"Through clever and constant application of propaganda, people can be made to see paradise as hell, and also the other way round, to consider the most wretched sort of life as paradise." - Adolf Hitler

Can you think of any other quotes that could have been written about Michael Moore?

Posted by: Jim at 08:37 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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July 20, 2004

Blogger Bowl 2004?

Nick Queen is putting together a Yahoo Fantasy Football league. The goal is 8 to 10 bloggers/commenters participating (currently there are 3 signed up).

Joining is simple:

Go here and use the following to join the league (you'll need a Yahoo ID):

League ID# is 171767
Password is paradox

For the team name use your blog name and leave a message at Nick's place.

If you have any questions, Nick can answer them.

Posted by: Jim at 11:53 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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I smell pretty, oh so pretty

Damn, do I smell good today. I'm not talking just a little good. I mean I smell freaking good. I am seriously afraid to go near any of my female coworkers for fear that they might not be able to control their baser instincts and I can't afford any more torn clothing.

Yeah, that's how good I smell.

I think a little background is in order. Two things I'll never compromise on are toilet paper and my bath bar. I want a TP that is strong and soft and can quickly and efficiently scrape the shit from by butt crack but do it with the softness of a newly slaughtered baby bunny rabbit. My bath bar must leave my skin in a non-dry state and have me not smelling like a flower or a chemical. more...

Posted by: Jim at 10:09 AM | Comments (25) | Add Comment
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1 my fair lady?

Posted by: Tiffani at July 20, 2004 10:44 AM (xpNFK)

2 Nope, but you're on the right track. It was a musical.

Posted by: Jim at July 20, 2004 10:52 AM (IOwam)

3 I feel pretty, oh so pretty. westside story

Posted by: shank at July 20, 2004 10:59 AM (+4mO/)

4 additionally, you're kind of homo-esque with the whole using the poof, conditioner, and high-end bath products in general. Call me a crusty man's man, but whatever happened to guys being okay with being guys. I blame the Fab Five and the metrosexual fad for making dudes feel like they gotta smell like chicks.

Posted by: shank at July 20, 2004 11:04 AM (+4mO/)

5 damn...damn...damn...

Posted by: Tiffani at July 20, 2004 11:07 AM (xpNFK)

6 Man, what an endorsement. Thank you. And also, you're very much welcome. It's a hobby that's slowly morphed into something much bigger than I imagined. Now that it's caressing the ass cracks of my favorite people, I am all the more satisfied. Enjoy.

Posted by: Anna at July 20, 2004 11:24 AM (gBpFI)

7 I RAN here as fast as my keyboard would carry me but dammit...I'm late! I would have gotten it right because I am the show tune queen, baby!

Posted by: DeAnna at July 20, 2004 11:42 AM (IdVP4)

8 Oh and I am so totally going to buy some of that soap. The next best thing to having J-Snooze is making my own man smell like him!

Posted by: DeAnna at July 20, 2004 11:45 AM (IdVP4)

9 I love West Side Story. First performed, by the way, at Brandeis University in Waltham, MA when Leonard Bernstein was head of the music department there. My wife works in the field of personal care products. I can relate, even if I don't partake myself.

Posted by: Random Penseur at July 20, 2004 12:06 PM (LlPKh)

10 Shank - Correct! 2 points to you. But hold on one second...you got the musical trivia right and I'm homoesque for using something that a gorgeous California blond sent me? Hmmm...

Posted by: Jim at July 20, 2004 12:38 PM (IOwam)

11 hey, in my defense: The only reason I know that song is because my roommate has 'Anger Management' on DVD. I watched it this weekend , and there's a few scenes where Adam Sandler and Jack Nicholson sing that very same song to help calm themselves down. "...I feel pretty...Oh so pretty. I feel pretty and witty and briiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight..." I'm not even sure if that's how it goes. See the movie, it's funny. At least I don't use a poof. right?

Posted by: shank at July 20, 2004 12:59 PM (+4mO/)

12 Hey, it's not like I'm using a louffa or something like that. I would have used a washcloth but I don't know that we even have any.

Posted by: Jim at July 20, 2004 01:15 PM (IOwam)

13 Trust me Jim...you do own wash cloths. Ask your wife!

Posted by: DeAnna at July 20, 2004 01:24 PM (IdVP4)

14 Opium for Men? They make a soap that smells like that? And it . . . works? Ooh, guess what I'm placing an order for. I've been trying to get him to give up Irish Spring for ages anyhow. What was the favorite cologne they don't make anymore? I found a place on the 'net that still (well, as of a year ago) sells one of mine that no one else seems to carry anymore, so you do a little hunting, you never know what you'll turn up. As for this: you're kind of homo-esque with the whole using the poof, conditioner, and high-end bath products in general I'm sure Jim will remember that while the women in his office are ripping his clothes off and his Lovely Wife is totally going kung fu on 'em for doing so, dude.

Posted by: ilyka at July 20, 2004 03:05 PM (LWLzC)

15 Yup, Anna's got Opium for Men and Obsession for Women. Gotta get Lovely Wife some of that. Rowr! The favorite cologne I was talking about is Lagerfeld. The only Lagerfeld I've found in the past 3 years is the deodorant.

Posted by: Jim at July 20, 2004 03:18 PM (IOwam)

16 My soap suggestion - Tea Tree Soap by Paul Mitchell. Also see: Shampoo and Conditional Link Below: http://www.paulmitchell.com/site/subpage.asp?section=2,10

Posted by: pylorns at July 20, 2004 03:23 PM (FTYER)

17 Oh. By the way. I'm nominating Jim for Metrosexual Man of the Year.

Posted by: pylorns at July 20, 2004 03:24 PM (FTYER)

18 Can't do it, Pylorns. I can't buy anything that's hawked at SuperCuts. It goes against my natural resistance to faux trendy. "Metrosexual Man of the Year"? Because of the soap or the soft toilet paper? In either case I shall have to write more about my buttcrack to compensate.

Posted by: Jim at July 20, 2004 03:26 PM (IOwam)

19 Lagerfield? I make it. Hugo Boss? I make it. Just about any designer fragrance I can turn into soap. And it will be alcohol free. Did someone even seriously recommend Paul Mitchell in this thread? Paul Mitchell contains Sodium Laureth Sulfate as does most all commercial soaps and shampoos. It's detergent. It's garbage. It's drying and harsh. Look in your bathroom cabinets. It's everywhere. http://www.safe2use.com/data/sls-sles.htm But don't take one report's word. Throw that chemical into a Yahoo! search and see what you find. shudder

Posted by: Anna at July 20, 2004 08:29 PM (gBpFI)

20 Thanks for the tip on Creekside - that's why I frequent this blog... lots of good stuff to check out

Posted by: moodie at July 20, 2004 11:18 PM (2XPvV)

21 I cannot be reading about your buttcrack and toilet paper habbits over my lunch hour. That's now one wasted sandwich and an image I can never get rid of...my eyeballs are still burning. Does Anna make anything for that?

Posted by: Simon at July 21, 2004 04:27 AM (UKqGy)

22 Um...she does make soothing lotions. Would that help?

Posted by: Jim at July 21, 2004 05:38 AM (behRF)

23 Hey, Shank. . Jim's a MANLY MAN. And you know what else? Men who SMELL GOOD GET LAID. Just sayin'. As for the title -- um. . .I hate to be difficult but isn't that from "Pygmalion/My Fair Lady?" I distinctly remember Audrey Hepburn singing that song. And I love Audrey. I'm going now. . . Love, Em

Posted by: Emma at July 21, 2004 02:26 PM (NOZuy)

24 Sorry, Em. It was definitely Westside Story. Perhaps you're transposing Natalie Wood and Audrey Hepburn?

Posted by: Jim at July 21, 2004 03:17 PM (IOwam)

25 You're right. *sigh* Not even the same category of woman, but I must have confused the two. Ah well. As for the rest of my comment: it stands. Lagerfeld. Mmm. Nice memories attached to that scent. (heh)

Posted by: Emma at July 21, 2004 10:33 PM (NOZuy)

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He got the fever!

Wow! Is there anything that people won't do to impress The Cheesmistres of Chaos? If there is, I certainly can't think of it:

Police Arrest Cheese-Covered Naked Man

Police found Monn's Jeep parked near the pool and then noticed his clothes and a bottle of vodka in the vehicle.
Then, they saw the naked man running toward the Jeep. Officials say he had cheese in his hair, on his face and on his shoulders.

(Hat tip to Phillip Coons)

Posted by: Jim at 07:42 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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July 19, 2004

Xzibit ain't no fool

Looks like some people think ol' Xzibit is a bit on the stupid side. I've received a slew of fake messages over the past couple days. You know what that means, right? Yup. Gloves are off.

The first idjit:

From: matthew ludescher
I HAVE SEEN THIS WONDERFUL PROGRAM AND WOULD LIKE
TO SEE IF I QUALIFY. I'M 44 AND I AM DYSLEXIC AND
THIS MAKES IT HARD FOR ME TO FIND A GOOD JOB.
AS I CANNOT READ OR WRITE.
I'M A GOOD COMPUTER TECHNICIAN AND MY FRIEND
DARRELL SMITH IS HELPING ME WRITE THIS LETTER.
I HAVE A 1982 CHEVROLET VAN THAT NEEDS SOME PIMP
LOVE.
IF YOU CAN HELP ME, I WOULD BE BLESSED.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR CARING SHOW.
YOU ARE TRULY GOOD PEOPLE IN THIS CRAZY WORLD.
LOVE
MATT

Ah, yes. The dyslexic computer technician story. Haven't we all heard this before? Actually, after dealing with some customer service lines I can readily believe that the people manning them are illiterate. But this guy is a fake so he gets this: more...

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July 16, 2004

It's party time

Next Saturday (the 24th) we're having a housewarming party. We'll have the grill going with burgers and dogs at 2:00. We're asking people to bring a side item with them (side dish, snack, soda, beer, etc).

Kids are very welcome. It's doubling as Bear's 5th birthday party so there will be games and a wading pool, sprinkler and fun stuff like that.

Please let me know by next Wednesday or so if you're coming and how many people you're bringing so I'll have an idea of how much beef and bun to get. (Yes my vegetarian friends, I'm planning on getting veggie meats too. Just let me know how hungry you'll be for soyburgers and/or fauxages.)

An RSVP also gets you directions to the lovely party location in Lawrenceville, GA.

We sure hope y'all can make it!

Posted by: Jim at 02:37 PM | Comments (30) | Add Comment
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1 I'll come ! Buy my plane tickets of course...

Posted by: pylorns at July 16, 2004 02:58 PM (gFHN0)

2 Oops. "Plane tickets" was supposed to be in the list of things you need to bring. Sorry. Pylorns

Posted by: Jim at July 16, 2004 06:47 PM (bmLWy)

3 ...I'll run it by the Wife.. we're only about 140 miles away... it would be a nice evening... that is, of course, if you're really serious..

Posted by: Eric at July 16, 2004 09:17 PM (Py0cM)

4 TGD is out of town next weekend, so count me in!

Posted by: Trey Givens at July 16, 2004 09:59 PM (QnDHz)

5 I'd just love love love to drive down from CT to GA for the shindig! But, alas, I wont. But if yer ever in New England lemme know! We up here like to have Munuvian get-togethers.

Posted by: Tuning Spork at July 16, 2004 10:11 PM (j52TM)

6 Aww, shucks...sounds like a great time, but the trip from East Texas to Georgia would be a killer.......hmmm...maybe Pylorns could drive through and pick us up on the way..lol. Sounds like a plan to me...

Posted by: mitzi at July 16, 2004 10:26 PM (IOhO0)

7 Darn. You know what the worst thing is.... not the 4191 miles I have to travel to get there, not the jetlag and IDL disorientation I'd suffer but this ... I've already got a party on the 24th. Damn Damn Damn. I'll catch you at the next one!

Posted by: Rob at July 17, 2004 07:10 AM (BWDMP)

8 Sure I'm serious, Eric! I never joke about grilling. Destructions...er...directions sent to Eric & Trey. Hey, maybe this could be the Atlanta summer blogmeet...

Posted by: Jim at July 17, 2004 09:24 AM (bmLWy)

9 I'll virtually show up,, which makes it easier for you to kasher a grill a get me some fish (during the 9 days we don't eat meat.) I'll bring make some red cabbage salad and bring it to the computer.. You just have to trust me that it taste great.

Posted by: Rachel Ann at July 17, 2004 04:03 PM (7A34+)

10 Oh, I am so jealous!! Jim and Trey in the same place at the same time! I dream of being able to meet two such amazingly rational minds. Damn the luck of living in Kansas City!!! Wish I could join you. Find a way to live blog this! Please?!!!?

Posted by: Suzanne at July 17, 2004 11:34 PM (DZQ0I)

11 I really hope we get live blogging of the event for those of us unable to attend. I could actually be there. I'll be in a disguise though. See if you can work out which one is me.

Posted by: Simon at July 18, 2004 05:09 AM (AOdQo)

12 mitzi, somehow i don't see myself making that big of a road trip just for some bbq. I mean we all know REAL bbq is in Texas.... not Georgia..

Posted by: pylorns at July 18, 2004 04:24 PM (0XkVH)

13 Them's fightin' words, Pylorns. Except that there isn't going to be any barbeque there. Hot dogs and burgers are grillin', not barbeque. I hate to have to correct such an amateurish error out in public like this but we've got to stamp out such profanity with extreme prejudice; know what I mean?

Posted by: Jim at July 19, 2004 05:35 AM (bmLWy)

14 Wait wait.. what type of grill is it?

Posted by: pylorns at July 19, 2004 09:24 AM (FTYER)

15 A big-ass grill.

Posted by: Jim at July 19, 2004 09:39 AM (IOwam)

16 wait for it... a bbq grill...

Posted by: pylorns at July 19, 2004 11:24 AM (FTYER)

17 How far is that from Washington?

Posted by: Victor at July 19, 2004 11:37 AM (L3qPK)

18 I see we have a basic terminology problem here. It's only a barbeque when you have barbeque cooking. Burgers and dogs aren't barbeque. Pulled pork is barbeque. Ribs are barbeque. Chicken can be barbeque. Barbeque is slow cooking with sauce. It takes an investment in time and faith. Time because it takes a while to cook. Faith because if you muff it after barbequing for 4 hours you are going to be praying to somebody when the hungry people start in on you. I'm not doing barbeque for this party due to a lack of time and faith.

Posted by: Jim at July 19, 2004 11:40 AM (IOwam)

19 Oh, and I knew what Pylorns was asking: Do you have a macho charcoal grill, or a girlie-man propane grill?

Posted by: Victor at July 19, 2004 11:41 AM (L3qPK)

20 Victor - From DC it's about 600 miles. 10 hours or so if you drive Southern. From Washington state it's 2400 miles, give or take.

Posted by: Jim at July 19, 2004 11:43 AM (IOwam)

21 I'm still willing to bet that grill has the word "bbq" somewhere on it. barÃ‚Â·beÃ‚Â·cue ( P ) Pronunciation Key (bÃƒÂ¤rb-ky) n. A grill, pit, or outdoor fireplace for roasting meat. A whole animal carcass or section thereof roasted or broiled over an open fire or on a spit. A social gathering, usually held outdoors, at which food is cooked over an open flame. tr.v. barÃ‚Â·beÃ‚Â·cued, barÃ‚Â·beÃ‚Â·cuÃ‚Â·ing, barÃ‚Â·beÃ‚Â·cues To roast, broil, or grill (meat or seafood) over live coals or an open fire, often basting with a seasoned sauce. (often but not always)

Posted by: pylorns at July 19, 2004 11:50 AM (FTYER)

22 That's a Yankee definition. Remember I'm here in Georgia. In Georgia, barbeque means slow cooked pork with sauce. Only recently has chicken been even hesitantly accepted as barbeque.

Posted by: Jim at July 19, 2004 11:59 AM (IOwam)

23 ok i posted about this on my site.

Posted by: pylorns at July 19, 2004 12:07 PM (FTYER)

24 Will you be sending a car for me? Please make sure the driver is cute and mute. Oh, and only premium beer in the limo bar, please.

Posted by: LeeAnn at July 20, 2004 12:23 AM (HxCeX)

25 You two can argue. Everyone knows the best BBQ in the world is Australian. Everything else is just a pale imitation.

Posted by: Simon at July 20, 2004 02:39 AM (UKqGy)

26 LeeAnn - I'm hurt that you would even feel the need to specify premium beer in the limo. Hurt to the core. Did anybody else hear that? I could have sworn I heard some squeeky little voice talking about barbeque outside of the South. Weird...

Posted by: Jim at July 20, 2004 05:15 AM (IOwam)

27 Charcoal or propane, Jim? (In other words, are you a man or a girlie-man?)

Posted by: Victor at July 20, 2004 10:26 AM (L3qPK)

28 I refuse to answer on the grounds that it may incriminate me. I will say this: For the first two years that I was in Georgia I was denied the use of charcoal. The only grill permitted at our apartment complex was the built-in natural gas one. For the past year I have been grilling on coals on a size challenged, oddly shaped, bought-at-Kroger grill. A couple weeks ago I got a free Coleman propane grill, size of monstrous, side burner, ceramic grates, etc. When cooking for 40-odd people size does matter.

Posted by: Jim at July 20, 2004 10:34 AM (IOwam)

29 I understand and agree with the apartment complex rules & regs concerning charcoal grills (I blogged about it last year, somewhere). But it's obvious: Girlie-man. OTOH, at no money down and no monthly payment, I'd have taken it too.

Posted by: Victor at July 20, 2004 11:27 AM (L3qPK)

30 Well it's not the first time that avarice has unmanned me. Remind me one day to tell you the story of The Reno Showgirl and the Unfortunate Bottle of Tequila.

Posted by: Jim at July 20, 2004 01:11 PM (IOwam)

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Auntie Em! It's a twister!

Well it wasn't a twister but there was a twister warning. We spent a couple of hours in the hallway Wednesday evening because there was a tornado warning in our area. That's the only area of the house without at least one window.

We locked the doors so little fingers wouldn't "accidentally" open them, gathered pillows and a couple toys and had ourselves a little floor party. I made sure the boys didn't get concerned while Lovely Wife watched the newscast.

Some funnels were seen in neighboring counties but nothing near us. Still, it was good to go through a practice run. It made Lovely Wife fell better to do it and it was a learning experience for the boys. Plus it would seriously have sucked if a twister did hit and we had ignored the warning.

Some thoughts on our (not) nearly death defying encounter with a (non-existent) twister:

It's really weird when the Doppler radar shows the darkest red evil violence right over your house and you look outside where it is as calm as a graveyard.

Explaining a tornado to kids aged 2, 3, and 4 is not easy.

Explaining a tornado warning is even harder.

The hallway gets hot really quickly when all of us are in it.

I left the scotch on top of the fridge. What was I thinking?

It really sucks that our wireless isn't working yet. Damn you Comcast!

It's odd what can lead to rekindling your love of Legos.

No matter how big she is a chocolate lab will still get underneath the bed when she needs to.

Posted by: Jim at 01:13 PM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
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1 Glad you are all ok.

Posted by: Random Penseur at July 16, 2004 01:58 PM (LlPKh)

2 Thanks RP. We weren't in any danger. It just doesn't hurt to be a little cautious. Now a little twister could actually have been beneficial. It would have netted me a new outbuilding and dog house at the least. ;-)

Posted by: Jim at July 16, 2004 02:09 PM (IOwam)

3 Yeah, but the insurance co. would have disclaimed, I bet.

Posted by: Random Penseur at July 16, 2004 04:41 PM (LlPKh)

4 I've spent a few hours in the bathtub, yup. That reminds me, did you see the awesome pictures of a Kansas twister Rob at CrabAppleLane linked? Hold on, I'll get the url: http://www.livejournal.com/community/wichitalife/51336.html?thread=325000#t325000 I'll never figure out what kind of person chases twisters. It ain't gonna be me, I can tell you that.

Posted by: ilyka at July 16, 2004 06:02 PM (3wJJi)

5 RP - With my luck it would have caused $900 in damage and me with a grand deductible. Heh. Ilyka- Wow! I sincerely hope I never see that in real life.

Posted by: Jim at July 16, 2004 06:21 PM (bmLWy)

6 I too have sat through a few tornadoes, often in closests in my house. That's what I got for living in Kansas and Texas for parts of my life. I like to think it makes me "adventurous".

Posted by: Helen at July 17, 2004 04:31 AM (CDI6i)

7 It's one of my constant sources of amazement that you guys get these things. As I'm sure Helen can testify the weather in the UK is about as bland as cooking! The idea that you can get weather that WILL destroy your house (or part of it) and wreak devastation across your neighbourhood is something I've never been able to get a handle on. Glad you're all ok though. I wonder how Simon's doing?

Posted by: Rob at July 17, 2004 07:02 AM (BWDMP)

8 Jeepers. I get a Typhoon and you've gotta go and get yourself a twister just to keep up? This competitiveness is becoming a real issue, Jim. I'm alive - the typhoon was actually a bit of a fizzer...as they always seem to be. But it meant I had Friday afternoon off, and it's important to find the silver lining.

Posted by: Simon at July 18, 2004 05:05 AM (AOdQo)

9 I am here to testify on Rob's behalf that England's weather is as bland as my grandma's cooking. Simon, can you send that typhoon our way?

Posted by: Helen at July 19, 2004 02:56 AM (pS7+B)

10 Blandness....well,its gotta go somewhere! Georgia is kind of bland,too.Its ALWAYS SUNNY!ALWAYS!After living in Buffalo with 360 days of grayness,I WISH for at least a WEEK!! The tornados here never happen...unless you live in Pickens county.The locals know what I mean...

Posted by: LW at July 19, 2004 11:05 AM (bmLWy)

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If we were at Chile's I'd have 'em sing for you

Happy birthday Tiffani! My blogdaughter has turned 34. In Tiffany's honor, here are some memorable events from 1970, her birthyear:

In 1970 (the year she was born)

Richard Nixon is president of the US (although this won't last long)

A federal jury finds the "Chicago 7" innocent of conspiring to incite riots during the 1968 Democratic National Convention (they go on to make several hit records)

The lunar spacecraft Apollo 13 splashes down in the Pacific after near catastrophe (thanks primarily to the efforts of Lieutenant Dan)

The first Earth Day is marked by millions of Americans participating in anti-pollution demonstrations (the latest Earth Day was commemorated with the millionth hippie being chained to a redwood)

At Kent State University, National Guardsmen fire into a crowd killing four student antiwar demonstrators (i've been to Kent State - it's a miracle that these dorms didn't incite riots on a semi-quarterly basis)

A powerful earthquake claims 50,000 lives in Peru (it was knocked down to 32,500 on appeal)

18 year olds are given the right to vote in federal elections (they want to make this 14 now in California. save me)

Tidal wave driven by cyclone from Bay of Bengal hits East Pakistan, killing hundreds of thousands (good thing it wasn't a tsunami)

An anti-war rally is held at Valley Forge, Pennsylvania, attended by John Kerry, Jane Fonda and Donald Sutherland (Kerry was 'between heiresses' at that time)

Queen Latifah, Mariah Carey, Andre Agassi, Uma Thurman, Jennifer Lopez, and Matt Damon are born (and Tiffani!)

Baltimore Orioles win the World Series (yawn)

Kansas City Chiefs win Superbowl IV (yawn)

Boston Bruins win the Stanley Cup (may they burn in Hell!!)

Tearjerker Love Story is the top grossing film (Ryan O'Neil was still hot then, well before he got into the habit of marrying and beating up skanky women)

I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou is published (because that's what birds do. they sing. and this was memorable because...?)

"The Long and Winding Road" becomes the Beatles' last Number 1 song (thanks to Yoko!)

(Year you were born doohicky found at Ilyka's and Emma's ~~love shacks~~ blogs)

Posted by: Jim at 11:07 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Yeah, it's got a Hemi.

Courtesy of Dopple-G I bring you: Dodge trucks are for pussies.

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Thoughts of a sleepy mind

I can't get the dead horse off of me until the alarm goes off again.
Our bedroom is really dark this early.
Ouch. The laundry basket could have been in a better place.
I wish the fan didn't come on with the bathroom light.
Damn, that fan is loud.
Look at the time. I hit the snooze three times. That can't be good.
Where the hell are the dog collars? Sorry bud, you'll have to wait for Momma.
That's not enough returns on my job searches.
My resume is smoking, my cover letter is professional. What's the problem?
Fuck professional. New cover letter today.
Need to get some more points out before my blogiversary.
Coffee.

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Fill in the blank

Watching a Saturday Night Live movie is _________.

My entry: ...like watching the first hour and a half of a three minute skit.

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July 15, 2004

But that's confidential!

Well, maybe not quite as confidential as you believe. Clancy reports on a state mandated violation of doctor/patient confidentiality. The public perception of doctor/patient confidence comes from TV shows and movies. It is very wrong and is worlds away from actual legal standings.

Doctor/patient confidence is a professional courtesy, not a legal requirement or legally defined right. Its legal standing is based on precedence and not legislation. Unfortunately for those who want to use it to avoid testimony there is just as much precedence going the other way.

The news item that Clancy posted about involves a law requiring that Pennsylvania doctors notify the Department of Transportation when they believe a patient has a substance abuse problem. The DOT may then revoke the patient's license based on the medical testimony. A more common example would be the laws requiring medical and scholastic personnel to report suspected child abuse.

What you end up with is a strong professional courtesy supported by tradition and some legal precedence that is being legislated away as more and more professionals are being legally forced to violate it. Be careful what you tell your doctor and do it with the understanding that even though he might not want to repeat it, if push comes to shove he'll have no choice but to do so.

Question for the lawyers in the house: How strong is the client/attorney privilege?

Any priests around? I'm also interested in the legal standing of the "seal of the confessional".

Posted by: Jim at 07:51 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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1 The attorney/client privilege remains quite strong, although that would vary from state to state. It is, however, limited and doesn't cover every single thing you tell your lawyer. I have just litigated this issue, and won, in a conflict situation where the law firm was representing joint clients. Let me quote from a case I have at hand: "In New York, the attorney-client privilege is governed by CPLR Ã‚Â§ 4503, but it is also rooted in common law. CPLR Ã‚Â§ 4503: protects from disclosure confidential communications made between the attorney ... and the client in the course of professional employment ... The party invoking the privilege must establish that the document in question reflects a communication between the attorney or his agents and the client or its agents [...], that the communication was made and retained in confidence, and that it was made principally to assist in obtaining or providing legal advice or services for the client. Since the privilege is intended to facilitate the rendition of legal representation, it does not cover communications with the attorney if intended to assist counsel in performing other services, such as the provision of business advice or the performance of such functions as negotiating purely commercial aspects of a business relationship. " Stenovich v. Wachtell, 195 Misc.2d 99, 756 N.Y.S.2d 367 (NY County 2003). Mind you, the privilege can be waived and the privilege, which is a bar to discovery, is construed pretty closely so as to balance the discovery interests and the interests in keeping the information confidential. Jim, if you are interested in seeing the whole case, let me know and I'll shoot you a copy. It will give you a sense of the state of the law in NY.

Posted by: Random Penseur at July 15, 2004 08:57 AM (LlPKh)

2 You're right about the doctors. The hospital I do most of my work for reports blood alcohol levels to the DMV in the event someone comes in status post motor vehicle accident and there appears to have been alcohol involved. They also report you to the DMV if you come in with a seizure. No more driving for you . . . . (And yeah, Jim, like there's going to be any priests hanging around your site with the way you talk about 'em . . . ha!)

Posted by: ilyka at July 15, 2004 09:26 PM (sDw4/)

3 What? What am I saying about priests? I love priests! I only tease the ones that happen to be pederasts as well. It shouldn't be just reserved for the Catholics though, right? I mean, I'm an ordained minister so do I get any special considerations?

Posted by: Jim at July 16, 2004 05:46 AM (bmLWy)

4 Postive drug tests (and I think syphilis too) are reported on woman having babies, at least here they are.

Posted by: Sherri at July 16, 2004 11:26 PM (Gn2SB)

5 As are Aids results. In New York state if a pregnant woman refuses the Aids test they will test the baby whether she agrees or not.

Posted by: Jim at July 17, 2004 09:26 AM (bmLWy)

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