What's the most Atkins friendly food out there? Why, meat of course! How can we cut the nasty carbs from our favorite frozen treat? The Japanese have found the secret. Instead of high sugar items like fruit or chocolate, use ground up animals!

Two great tastes that taste great together. Raw horse and vanilla. Mmmmmm. Or maybe some oyster ice cream? Talk about intersting consistency - you can't get much more unique than a frozen oyster.

Thanks, Trey! I almost vomited!

Posted by: Jim at 02:12 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Updated

My recounting of Strawberry Island got me thinking about islands and a trivia question popped into my head.

What is the largest fresh water, riverbound island in the world?

5 points if you can name it without searching, 2 points if you can find it in a search.

Update: Rob won the points and now I can tell you why this somewhat esoteric trivia bit ended up in my noggin.

Several years ago the officials of Grand Island erected very expensive billboards proclaiming Grand Island to be "The Largest Freshwater Island in the World!". After all, everybody 'knew' this to be true. Well, shortly after this they were informed (in rather embarrassing fashion by a local news channel) that Grand Island was most certainly not the largest freshwater island in the world. That honorable title goes to Manitoulin Island.

The honorable officials were horrified to have been exposed in such a gaff. A cursory search of great islands would have shown that Manitoulin was the largest freshwater one. They now had very expensive signs that were a constant reminder of their lack of fact checking before spending huge sums of money. They decided to have the signs changed (at no small expense) to lay claim to being the largest river island in the world.

It was pointed out to them that this was also not true (and easily verifyable). Bananal was in fact the largest island formed by rivers. Fortunately this was before the signs had been changed.

They then decided to forgo trying to use facts and had the signs changed to say "Grand Island. Greatest Freshwater Island in the World!" in exceptionally tacky 1960's perma-smile Pleasantville style.

It was then pointed out that this choice of words indicates by over-definition that they felt Grand Island was inferior to at least one saltwater island. The signs weren't changed again.

Posted by: Jim at 10:36 AM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
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1 Manitoulin island (I'm honest - I searched)

Posted by: Clancy at July 14, 2004 08:52 AM (EGVPL)

2 Nope. I figured that would be the first guess. Manitoulin is in a lake. We're looking for a riverbound island. I am so freaking devious, aren't I? Bwah hah hah hah hah!!

Posted by: Jim at July 14, 2004 09:13 AM (IOwam)

3 The UK .... ? nah ... don;t be silly. How about something a little more fruity ... Banana Island ? Or as it's more often abrv Bananal

Posted by: Rob at July 14, 2004 09:26 AM (kXZI6)

4 and just to prove I didn't search for it - Bananal is 5.2-million-acres making it the biggest fluvial island, in the world. It is located in the Center-West Region on the river of Araguaia with an average rainfall of 2,500mm ... ok so I googled

Posted by: Rob at July 14, 2004 09:30 AM (kXZI6)

5 but you gotta be impressed that I knew the word fluvial right?

Posted by: Rob at July 14, 2004 09:31 AM (kXZI6)

6 That is indeed an impressive mastery of vocabulary. Bananal is correct. 2 points to Rob!

Posted by: Jim at July 14, 2004 09:55 AM (IOwam)

7 These geography questions are killing me with frustration. I request one involving state capitals and not the hard ones, either. Start pandering to the lower denominators, please. Seriously, these are fun even if I haven't gotten a single one. Nope, not even close. In fact, even with the google explanation above from Rob, I have no idea where that island is located. I'm glad you are not writing the Trivial Pursuit geography questions!

Posted by: Random Penseur at July 14, 2004 10:00 AM (LlPKh)

8 RP - It's in Brazil.

Posted by: Jim at July 14, 2004 10:35 AM (IOwam)

9 Thanks! I actually assumed it might have been somewhere in Africa. How's the state capital question coming along? I've been boning up.

Posted by: Random Penseur at July 14, 2004 10:51 AM (LlPKh)

10 Sorry, I'm just not that good with state capitals. ;-)

Posted by: Jim at July 14, 2004 11:02 AM (IOwam)

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Rob is back, too!

Everybody pause while we do the happy dance. A jig would be fitting, I think.

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He wants to know just what is up with Rachel Lucas' ever-recurring popularity. Despite multiple exits from blogdom she is received yet again with open arms by a hungry and waiting audience. Well Harv, it's like this...

Rachel is the queen of all that is good and right. She is the Easter Bunny in disguise and supplied Santa with toys during the great elf strike of '94. She personally tracked down Saddam Hussein and tipped off the Army to where he was hiding. She took a bullet for the Pope, just because it was the right thing to do.

Which is to say, she was instrumental in lifting Snooze Button Dreams from obscurity. That only ever happens once in a blog's life. She helped a lot of people in large or small ways. She was friendly when a lot of big bloggers weren't.

She absolutely and completely despises Hillary Clinton.

She also was one of the finest ranters I've ever read. She's erudite and well written and uses base logic to support her emotional views. She posts dog pictures. She's an all around good read.

I understand why you're confused, Harvey. You got there when Rachel had started faltering. Her posts weren't as tight, her focus was wandering. She was finishing school and looking for a house and her blog showed signs of neglect. And then she retired, came back, retired again, came back sort of, then quit. Without a firm grounding in Rachelism from before the Time of Troubles that's absolutely a definite turn off. Hell, even for loyalists it was still a turn off.

But now she's back again with a new style, the new version of MT and humorous rants about John Edwards and dog urine. So of course we're welcoming her with open arms, hearts and blogulations.

Posted by: Jim at 09:11 AM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
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1 She was one of my first daily reads. I'm sure I found you through her - actually, through Helen if I remember right, and I likely found Helen through Don and I know I found Don from Rachel. See? - it's all connected. Rachel is the Queen.

Posted by: Clancy at July 14, 2004 09:26 AM (EGVPL)

2 Oh. My. God. That was like the most bendy-over and kissing-the-assy Rachel post I have read yet. Kudos Her blog is a revolving door of appear and disappear. As for me, I can't handle people coming and going forty times-I can understand taking a break, reconsidering, but for the love of God, that kind of indecision is reserved for the insecure and screwed up in the world, not "blog leaders". If she's going to exit stage left, do it already.

Posted by: Helen at July 14, 2004 10:08 AM (LlkAL)

3 hmm.. brown noser...

Posted by: pylorns at July 14, 2004 02:06 PM (FTYER)

4 You say that like it's a bad thing.

Posted by: Jim at July 14, 2004 02:14 PM (IOwam)

5 Ok, that would explain it then. And I think I was test driving Rachel & finding her lacking last summer. Does that sound about the right time frame?

Posted by: Harvey at July 14, 2004 03:53 PM (tJfh1)

6 Yup, that's when the Time of Troubles was upon us. "Test Driving Rachel" sounds like either a chick flick or a bad porn.

Posted by: Jim at July 14, 2004 04:12 PM (bmLWy)

7 If Rachel is willing to write, I'm willing to read. She's the best free reading outside of a library. It is sad that she has more to her life than entertaining us (from my point of view) but it's probably good for her. Most of my favorite authors are dead; most of the rest publish about every year, and a few publish every week. It seems a bit much to require a writer to write something several times a day. When she's willing to rant, I'm willing to read, because her rants are generally worth reading. I must say that I really do not care for dog pictures, but I suspect that is a failing of mine and not Rachels.

Posted by: David D at July 15, 2004 07:12 PM (PWeSZ)

8 She has stopped blogging again, since you wrote this post, right?

Posted by: The Commissar at July 19, 2004 01:46 PM (VpkLq)

9 "Made ya look, made ya look ..."

Posted by: The Commissar at July 19, 2004 01:47 PM (VpkLq)

10 Not me. I've got her on the aggregator. hehe.

Posted by: Jim at July 19, 2004 01:53 PM (IOwam)

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Rachel Ann wants to know what blogger you've got a love/hate thing with.

Bill can just leave his blogroll.

Posted by: Jim at 01:37 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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...I'd put my money on one of these readers to win the very long running points contest:

Mike the Marine, 34 points
Rob, 34 points
Tiffani, 33 points
Simon, 32 points

Posted by: Jim at 01:01 PM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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Seems like I'm posting a lot about politics lately, doesn't it? It's probably because with the election coming up the stupid factor is increasing to near astronomic proportions. Take this bullshit for instance. The Feds have made it illegal for US citizens to buy cheap drugs from outside of America. Ostensibly this is to guarantee quality through Federal controls on pharmaceutical companies. That by itself is total horse shit but I'm not going to get into the reasons why in this particular rant. No, this particular rant deals with the exceptionally warm and deep pile of horse shit that our politicians are currently attempting to spread.

They are now trying to pass legislation to allow people to purchase from foreign drug markets and their reasoning is just as bad as it was for the current embargo - they say that we can save money by buying drugs from Canada. They are using this as a sop to the masses. "We feel your pain! We'll let you buy cheap drugs, that's how much we care! All your problems will go away with cross-border pharmaceuticals!"

Bullshit. more...

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Yesterday at ZeroIntelligence.net I posted a story about black students at Harvard. Seems that immigrant blacks and mulattos are taking advantage of affirmative action programs that some people want reserved for descendants of slaves.

There is a goodly bit of commenting on Affirmative Action as a general concept and one comment by Canadian reader Don Popowich sums it up so well it deserves to be called out on its own merits.

Enough already!!! There are no African Americans, or Ukrainian Americans, or Irish Americans, or Italian Americans,or any other kind of hyphenated Americans....or at least there shouldn't be.

As a Canadian, what I admired about America was that America was a melting pot. Although, as individuals, you were proud of your heritage, YOU WERE WERE AMERICANS FIRST.

Yes. There were prejudices in past, and many members of your society faced discrimination and were treated unfairly, but, as a country you worked towards, and eventually righted many of those wrongs.

Some would argue it took too long and not all wrongs have been addressed, and that may be so, but, as a country you addressed the challenges and you worked towards bringing equality to all.

But not anymore. Now some Americans are more equal than others.

Why? Why is prejudice acceptable today if is aimed a segment of your society who has practiced prejudice in past...but not acceptable if aimed at others in your society? Either prejudice is right or it is wrong. It can't be both. more...

Posted by: Jim at 10:54 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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1 Ummm...perhaps I am off, but I understood that the term mulatto described those who were of mixed-race descent, with one race being black and the other race (generally) of white descent. So if the persons black heritage was as a descendant of a former slave, that qualifies them, then.

Posted by: Helen at July 13, 2004 01:04 PM (LlkAL)

2 That's what I think as well but the esteemed Harvard professors have a much stricter definition. They want four black grandparents, all born in the USA.

Posted by: Jim at July 13, 2004 01:08 PM (IOwam)

3 So much for the descendents of the famous Quadroon Balls in New Orleans, where young men (white) of social standing would go to meet young women (mixed) to take a mistress for a long, sometimes even life time, affair.

Posted by: Random Penseur at July 13, 2004 02:17 PM (LlPKh)

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Jennifer was disjobbed yesterday. This is an issue especially poignant to me as my own date with the axe draws nigh. Would y'all go and offer some condolences, support and maybe a job lead or two to her?

Thanks.

Posted by: Jim at 10:35 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Who can name the only government handout program where millions can be given to a single individual with absolutely no consideration of his/her need for the money? Here are a couple of hints:

WIC: Nope. The income of the parents is the deciding factor.
Welfare: Nope. Again, income is the key.
Medicaide/Medicaire: Nope. Money again. If they don't think you need the program you don't get it.

There's only one government program (hint: it's a Federal one) where up to 75 million dollars is given to a person no matter how much money he/she earns and regardless of their assets or any realistic need for the money.

The answer is in the extended entry. more...

Posted by: Jim at 09:10 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Why vote for Bush? What is there to support about Kerry? Let the candidates tell you themselves. In song.

(Hat tip to Simon)

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So they can hide in strawberry fields.

A few weeks ago Jen lamented that I was not around to provide my usual witty and bolstering comments to her site. When I read that I was both touched and sympathetic. I know only too well how a website can falter without my constant input. I took pity on Jen and promised her that I would comment the very next day.

That didn't happen of course but no biggie - Jen's a single gal so she's used to guys leading her on.

But I saved a note reminding myself to write that post and today it has passed the threshold of irritation where I've just got to get rid of it for once and all. My fear of Jen's hoodoo powers conscience prevents me from simply discarding the thing so I am now writing my overdue contribution. more...

Posted by: Jim at 12:47 PM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
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McDonalds has a new Unhappy Meal featuring a salad and a bottle of water. John at Zug.com has the down-lo.

The booklet also has a radical, crazy new walking program designed by Oprah's trainer, which I will summarize for you now:

1) Measure the amount you walk per day.
2) Gradually walk more.
3) Repeat until tired.

Surely Oprah gets better advice than this, right? The guy pulls in 500 large a year just to tell Oprah to get off her ham-fed ass and walk? If walking is considered exercise, then opening the refrigerator door should also be exercise. And let's not forget masturbation, which increases upper arm strength. Why couldn't Oprah's trainer make a Masturbometer?

Don't miss John's prank call to McDonalds customer service.

(Hat tip to WetWired)

Posted by: Jim at 09:12 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Wow! All this time and all this correspondence and I was spelling my own impersonated name incorrectly. Special thanks to Kimberly/sapphire for showing me the correct spelling. Speaking of Kimberly/sapphire, she's one of the two latest rocket scientists to mistake SBD for MTV:

From: Kimberly

Hello Its yah girl sapphire to xzibit and pimp my ride fellas. I have a very different case I live in Minnesota and I have major problem just read! I have very sweet brother his name is josiah, all he does is try to help me my family and his self. He has a two year old son in africa he never sees he could barely could send him money because he's always buried in bills and car troubles. Josiah has a 79 Benz but it's more like it's falling off the henges for instance, we got stranded on the hyway because she smoked until she choked. He's a twenty eight year old struggling college student, working a temp job tryna make ends into dollas, I just think he deserves a break with a special wish from me to the guys at mtvs pimp my ride.He would be so thankful and I thank you all from the bottom of my heart P.S. If mtv can't come out here I'm still MTV and Xzibit greatest fan holla!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Phew! No pressure for this one. She'll still be my greatest fan even if I don't pimp her bro's ride. That's good since there's precisely zero chance that I'll do so. more...

Posted by: Jim at 08:42 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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A couple of people have asked just what the hell this Pimp My Ride stuff is about so I shall endeavor to elucidate.

MTV has a show called Pimp My Ride where they take peoples' nasty old beater cars and Pimp them. That's where they fix all the garbage that's wrong with them, tune the engine to sound like an egg beater, drop them so low they can't take a residential speed bump and put enough chrome on them to blind Stevie Wonder (oops!).

Way back in December of 2003 I had a one sentence post that linked to a flash game that let you take a virtual car through a virtual pimpin experience. That post started being found by searches for "Pimp My Ride" (or rather "pimp my ride" as none of these retards uses their shift key). They left comments asking for me to pimp their cars. I tried replying that this site has absolutely nothing to do with the MTV show. That post and the comments allow absolutely no opportunity for any rational or even semi-intelligent person to confuse this site for the MTV site.

But they kept coming. After a half dozen or so of these simps had commented I decided to screw with them. So now when somebody comments there I send them emails to mess with them, pretending to be the host of the show. My general purpose is to amuse myself, my secondary goal is to get them to send me pictures of themselves holding signs about my website.

That original post has never been changed. The people commenting really are morons who need to be taken advantage of. You can see the whole shebang (in reverse chronological order) here.

Posted by: Jim at 08:40 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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...cookies should NOT be bright yellow.

Via American Digest comes this Family Circle Cookie Cook-Off between Laura Bush and Teresa-Heinz-Rockefeller-Kerry. Laura's entry is a delicious looking wholesome oatmeal cookie (with chunks of chocolate - yes that's right, lovely delicious chocolate). Teresa's offering is one shade off of your urine after a two day bender. The shapeless yellow glops come complete with raisins, which I do like in a cookie. Unfortunately for this particular cookie they look remarkably like the unidentifiable "What the hell are those!?" bits inside a well loaded diaper.

Which tastes better? Obviously the Oatmeal-Chocolate Chunk cookies do since there's just no way you'll get those ochre blobs past my lips.

See for yourself (and vote for your favorite) at Family Circle.

Posted by: Jim at 07:32 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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The jobs are out there somewhere. A friend of mine just got one.

(Hat tip to Dopple-G)

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The 32nd Bestofme Symphony is up at The Owner's Manual.

Next week's post extravaganza will be hosted by Sneakeasy's Joint.

Bestofme Symphony home base

Hosting: Email Gary at gcruse AT netscape DOT com.

Email Reminders: Bestofme Symphony mailing list.

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Arab Muslims in Sudan have displaced over a million blacks, killed tens of thousands of them and destroyed hundreds of their communities. You know, because their peaceful religion demands it and all.

"They say they don't want to see black skin on this land again," said Issa Bushara, whose brother and cousin were gunned down in front of their horrified families during an attack by the Janjaweed militia.

The Arab Muslim militants are being assisted in their 17 month slaughter by the Arab Muslim government forces. Fortunately the UN has decided to take an active role in stopping the wholescale murderous regime almost issue an official condemnation. They decided not to at the last minute for the past year and a half because Sudan deserves another chance is an Arab Muslim country is only slaughtering blacks might be able to turn it around by themselves in another year and a half just as soon as all the blacks are dead or driven off.

At the Kounoungo refugee camp, 50 miles from the Sudan border, Zenaba Ismail sits on a dirt floor. In her arms, she cradles her sister's sleeping infant.

Janjaweed fighters burst into their home early one morning and shot the child's pregnant mother in the stomach. The shooting induced labor, and she died while giving birth.

"He cries all the time, but I have no milk to give him," said the tall woman with traditional scars etched on her hallowed cheeks. "Every time I look at this child, I see my sister, and I can't stop the tears."

Refugee camps in outlying areas and neighboring countries are now seeing massive deaths from starvation, malnutrition and epidemic. These are outnumbering the actual murders. more...

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Update: Rachel Ann asked if there wasn't some sort of award that we could give these folk. Since they are unfortunately still alive they are disqualified from the Darwins. Enter the Flaming Asshole, designed for just such a circumstance. Good call Rachel!

U.S. Humanitarian Group Arrives in Cuba

120 supporters of Pastors for Peace violated the US embargo on Cuba. They arrived in good spirits with their contraband goods and t-shirts calling for regime change in the USA.

Try that again - they went to Cuba and are calling for regime change in America.

Thank God they've moved to Cuba so we won't have to deal with them any longer. What? They aren't staying in the workers' utopia? They prefer the horrific boot of the oppressive Bush regime against the back of their collective neck to living in Cuba? Damn. more...

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