November 09, 2005
Some frank admissions
If I think I can fart in a car or meeting and get away with it, I will. And I will deny culpability with extreme vehemence.
I wish nothing but the worst on the OptimistÂ’s Club and all itÂ’s members.
I daydream a lot.
For a slim guy, I can eat more than anyone I know.
IÂ’m overly critical of everything.
If I shake someoneÂ’s hand I canÂ’t relax until I can wash my hands again.
I hate recycling because I donÂ’t like washing my garbage before I store it for days.
I will fight for the armrest on an airplane or in a movie theater.
I often find myself in contempt of othersÂ…for no good reason.
I do not like people who play golf. And talk about it.
My sense of humor will eventually be my downfall at work.
I wish I had a ten pound ball of Silly Putty.
I wish nothing but the worst on the OptimistÂ’s Club and all itÂ’s members.
I daydream a lot.
For a slim guy, I can eat more than anyone I know.
IÂ’m overly critical of everything.
If I shake someoneÂ’s hand I canÂ’t relax until I can wash my hands again.
I hate recycling because I donÂ’t like washing my garbage before I store it for days.
I will fight for the armrest on an airplane or in a movie theater.
I often find myself in contempt of othersÂ…for no good reason.
I do not like people who play golf. And talk about it.
My sense of humor will eventually be my downfall at work.
I wish I had a ten pound ball of Silly Putty.
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The Snooze, it is a changin'
It's time to shake things up a bit. I've got some plans for the Snooze that I'll be implementing shortly. Can anybody guess what they are? I'll toss some points to the first person to nail them.
UPDATE: Phin guessed the big change. SBD will shortly be a multiple author blog. Yay! 5 points for Phin!
There are a couple of smaller changes that will be occuring, generally in support of the resident additions. I'll give a point each for each of the small ones if anybody guesses them by...um...what's today? Wednesday...all day meeting again...okay, we'll make the deadline Thursday morning my time. Guess either the small, yet important, changes to the blog and/or the identities of the new SBD partners and you'll get points.
The end of the year is coming soon...get those points while you can!
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November 08, 2005
I Don't Wanna Be...
Bane speaks on something that all bloggers eventually run into - the glass ceiling of e-etiquette.
Being that the web (blogs being a part of which) facilitates this immediate form of communication, much like telephone and conversation before it; many people start to wonder what it is they should hold back. I say, look at your blog as more of a personal diatribe than conversation. I mean, the thing wouldn't exist if you weren't there to drive it with whatever inane ideas are churning about inside your mind. Therefore, people aren't coming to your site to be entertained, cajoled, hosted, or handled with kid gloves. People come to your site because they, for whatever reason, identitfy with what's being put out on the page. Think about that next time you visit a site run by someone who you think is an ass.
Being that the web (blogs being a part of which) facilitates this immediate form of communication, much like telephone and conversation before it; many people start to wonder what it is they should hold back. I say, look at your blog as more of a personal diatribe than conversation. I mean, the thing wouldn't exist if you weren't there to drive it with whatever inane ideas are churning about inside your mind. Therefore, people aren't coming to your site to be entertained, cajoled, hosted, or handled with kid gloves. People come to your site because they, for whatever reason, identitfy with what's being put out on the page. Think about that next time you visit a site run by someone who you think is an ass.
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Wooo!
Today was an absolute headspinner. Got up at 3am to pick the finacee up from work. Back home and in bed til 7am. Straight to work, where I finished up a backlog from last week's chest cold. Capital planning meeting at 10:30 across town that was attended by 1 architect, 1 VP, myself, and about four complete blockheads with either: 1) no vision whatsoever, and/or 2) a conflict of interest that runs deeper than a wide reciever who's contract is up. Stategy meeting at 1pm with another divison that was the complete opposite - tackling a much more complex debacle, and attended by folks with a better understanding of our future orientation. bolted from that meeting to my office where I completed some ASAP work that developed from it, then got my shit togeter to meet the tow truck guy back at the university at 4. Towed the heap to my garage, where it'll be ready for pickup tomorrow after work. Drove to the grocery store, picked up a twelver and a few other sundry items. Back home, refusing to move a muscle until tomorrow morning.
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I return, once again, with nothing
I partook of a small vacation recently. I have nothing to report.
Of note, perhaps, is the fact that I have read over 2,000,000 words in the past thirty days in the form of books; my only solace in times of boredom.
In my absence I noticed that my cohort, a self-proclaimed cracker, has posted a picture of himself. IÂ’m always torn by these issues. On one hand, IÂ’d love to get a look at some of you folks. On the other hand, my imagination is likely more generous than reality and I fear let down. I canÂ’t post a picture of myself for security reasons, though I often wish I could. I have little going for me aside from not being repulsive.
I pictured Shank pretty much as he is in reality, though I thought the hair would be a little darker.
If you have posted a photo of yourself please let me know where to view it. My curiosity is now killing me. The person IÂ’d really like to see a picture of is Bane. I canÂ’t quite pigeon-hole that guy.
So. Can somebody put some coffee on?
Of note, perhaps, is the fact that I have read over 2,000,000 words in the past thirty days in the form of books; my only solace in times of boredom.
In my absence I noticed that my cohort, a self-proclaimed cracker, has posted a picture of himself. IÂ’m always torn by these issues. On one hand, IÂ’d love to get a look at some of you folks. On the other hand, my imagination is likely more generous than reality and I fear let down. I canÂ’t post a picture of myself for security reasons, though I often wish I could. I have little going for me aside from not being repulsive.
I pictured Shank pretty much as he is in reality, though I thought the hair would be a little darker.
If you have posted a photo of yourself please let me know where to view it. My curiosity is now killing me. The person IÂ’d really like to see a picture of is Bane. I canÂ’t quite pigeon-hole that guy.
So. Can somebody put some coffee on?
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Via email of course, national security reasons here too.November 07, 2005
PO'd
I feel Oorgo's pain. I jumped in the car to drive back home from class, and the clutch pedal had all the stiffness of a soggy Saltine cracker. Shit. Couldn't even get the car into gear. Probably the master cylinder. Shit. I had to leave my car in the school lot and bum a ride to the bar where the finacee was working. She gets off at three, at which time I will have to pick her up, come home, and get up for work at seven. Shit. Hey, it's not like I was going to use that $800 dollars for anything else right?
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Bah.
I just finished my exam for this Management Strategy class I'm taking. It's so retarded, anyone who's been through business school or an MBA program has taken at least six classes like this one. It's mainly a creative writing course filled with case studies. What's the best way to manage X change? Where should this company go? Innovation, the 'Blue Ocean', Steve Case, the 3 C's, 3 I's, 3 U's, Lewin's 3 Step Model, Anticipatory Management, countless BusinessWeek articles, two guest speakers, the five components of a Future Focused© organization, and of course; a book written by the professor.
The exam was basically a case analysis, wherein the student is challenged to drop as many buzzwords from the professor's text as possible; the end goal being to send said professor into such a fervent bout of narcissism that the academe is left spent, splayed out on his office floor, stretched and pulled like a peice of chewed taffy amidst a deluge of similarly written papers. The satiated ego in post-coital repose. What a jackass this guy is.
He actually told us once that he doesn't like the phrase 'proactive management' because it's so ubiquitous. Apparently, if too many people say it, it's beneath this guy's vocabulary, it's too bourgeois - so he prefers we use 'anticipatory management'. Well, I think too many folks use the word 'Professor', so I'm going to start using 'Captain Asshat, High Ruler of the Type-A Quarter Pinchers'. Dillhole.
The best part is he gave us from 6-7:30 for the exam, so I get to finish typing this and head back to class for another hour and a half of mind-numbing, self-glorifying lecture and presumably idiotic mental exercise in 'Re-engineering'. How blessed am I, grateful even.
The exam was basically a case analysis, wherein the student is challenged to drop as many buzzwords from the professor's text as possible; the end goal being to send said professor into such a fervent bout of narcissism that the academe is left spent, splayed out on his office floor, stretched and pulled like a peice of chewed taffy amidst a deluge of similarly written papers. The satiated ego in post-coital repose. What a jackass this guy is.
He actually told us once that he doesn't like the phrase 'proactive management' because it's so ubiquitous. Apparently, if too many people say it, it's beneath this guy's vocabulary, it's too bourgeois - so he prefers we use 'anticipatory management'. Well, I think too many folks use the word 'Professor', so I'm going to start using 'Captain Asshat, High Ruler of the Type-A Quarter Pinchers'. Dillhole.
The best part is he gave us from 6-7:30 for the exam, so I get to finish typing this and head back to class for another hour and a half of mind-numbing, self-glorifying lecture and presumably idiotic mental exercise in 'Re-engineering'. How blessed am I, grateful even.
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November 06, 2005
Following Through
A while back I promised I'd post a photo up of myself. I'm not exactly willing to do so, but I said I would, so I will. One of the people in the following photo is me.
more...
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It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood
The early morning is my favorite part of the day. Don't get me wrong, I can appreciate a summer afternoon or a really exciting late night; but the morning is by far the best.
I was coming home from a friend's house yesterday morning about 7am. The air was that brisk, clean temperature; maybe 50 degrees. Windows down, sunroof open, just getting the wind in my hair.
There's hardly anyone out on the roads at that time of the morning on a Saturday. It's almost like you get to enjoy the city before it's swarmed by humanity. Before the intersections are chocked with cars, honking horns and trudging down the streets like a herd of braying cattle.
The sunshine on a cloudless morning is amazing too. It just sprays out onto the world, it almost makes a sound. The low angle at that hour of the day also allows the light to come crashing through windows and doors, the brightness splashing into the corners of houses that only see sunlight once a day.
I was coming home from a friend's house yesterday morning about 7am. The air was that brisk, clean temperature; maybe 50 degrees. Windows down, sunroof open, just getting the wind in my hair.
There's hardly anyone out on the roads at that time of the morning on a Saturday. It's almost like you get to enjoy the city before it's swarmed by humanity. Before the intersections are chocked with cars, honking horns and trudging down the streets like a herd of braying cattle.
The sunshine on a cloudless morning is amazing too. It just sprays out onto the world, it almost makes a sound. The low angle at that hour of the day also allows the light to come crashing through windows and doors, the brightness splashing into the corners of houses that only see sunlight once a day.
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November 04, 2005
Friday Blogging
Friday blogging is not something many folks do. Traffic dies on Fridays, people start their weekends, the social aspect of the week begins that blogging satisfies during the droll work week.
Well, I like to blog on Fridays, and will continue to do so. Consider it the yardsale of the blogosphere. Hey, some of it might be junk, but some of it is just what folks are looking for. So sneak a peak every so often over here on Friday's, there just might be something for you.
Today - Normal vs Abnormal
Masturbation - Normal. Granted, I guess not everyone does it, but the majority of people do, making it normal.
Watching yourself in the mirror whilst doing so - Admittedly abnormal. I mean come on; what kind of narcissistic prick gets off on watching themselves at the apex of passion? No wonder you're single!
Conflict - Normal.
Seeking out Conflict - Abnormal. If you go around picking fights, you've obviously got some pent up anger from a conflict you didn't resolve (seek out?) in the past. Quit picking stupid fights and pick the one that matters
Idiots - Normal. As we all know, idiots are a part of life. Most people see them as a burden; we feel like we have to take care of idiots since they're too stupid to take care of themselves. I say, idiot's are God's comic relief for the rest of humanity. I say, fuck the stupid. We carry on and have them make their own way. That way, we can laugh, point, and hope they learn the rules of the game.
Geniuses - Abnormal. For some reason though, everyone seems to either 1) be one or 2) think they know one. This can't possibly be the case, because if there were that many geniuses in the world we would have half as many politicians.
Heterosexual - Normal.
Homosexual - Abnormal. Don't misunderstand me here. I'm not homophobe, nor am I in any fucking way someone who judges folks on their sexual orientation. I'm just saying it's a completey abnormal condition in natural history. Yes, given obtuse environmental conditions some species will become asexual or hemaphroditic. However, this is the exception to the exception to the rule; and we can't ignore the amazingly high incidence of homosexuality in the human species versus all other species in the world. It's absolutely staggering. It's a biological miracle (for those who believe homosexuality is a biological trait).
As always, this isn't about me putting shit out there to convince people or trying to assert my view on others. I'm just trying to encourage discussion. Think about all the things you think are normal, and then try to describe what it is that makes them normal. And don't give me this "Nothing's normal maaaan, it's all relative." I had a hippie friend in college that said that at least twice a week, and everytime he did so I'd piss on his toothbrush that very night. It's a cop-out for people who've given up on understanding the way they think. Anyways, if you really contemplate what it is that you and others consider normal, and then try to figure out how all that became accepted as normal, all this other shit comes out in the wash. It's like cutting a shark's stomach open and finding, amidst the fish bits and detritus, a hubcap from a '72 Granada.
Well, I like to blog on Fridays, and will continue to do so. Consider it the yardsale of the blogosphere. Hey, some of it might be junk, but some of it is just what folks are looking for. So sneak a peak every so often over here on Friday's, there just might be something for you.
Today - Normal vs Abnormal
Masturbation - Normal. Granted, I guess not everyone does it, but the majority of people do, making it normal.
Watching yourself in the mirror whilst doing so - Admittedly abnormal. I mean come on; what kind of narcissistic prick gets off on watching themselves at the apex of passion? No wonder you're single!
Conflict - Normal.
Seeking out Conflict - Abnormal. If you go around picking fights, you've obviously got some pent up anger from a conflict you didn't resolve (seek out?) in the past. Quit picking stupid fights and pick the one that matters
Idiots - Normal. As we all know, idiots are a part of life. Most people see them as a burden; we feel like we have to take care of idiots since they're too stupid to take care of themselves. I say, idiot's are God's comic relief for the rest of humanity. I say, fuck the stupid. We carry on and have them make their own way. That way, we can laugh, point, and hope they learn the rules of the game.
Geniuses - Abnormal. For some reason though, everyone seems to either 1) be one or 2) think they know one. This can't possibly be the case, because if there were that many geniuses in the world we would have half as many politicians.
Heterosexual - Normal.
Homosexual - Abnormal. Don't misunderstand me here. I'm not homophobe, nor am I in any fucking way someone who judges folks on their sexual orientation. I'm just saying it's a completey abnormal condition in natural history. Yes, given obtuse environmental conditions some species will become asexual or hemaphroditic. However, this is the exception to the exception to the rule; and we can't ignore the amazingly high incidence of homosexuality in the human species versus all other species in the world. It's absolutely staggering. It's a biological miracle (for those who believe homosexuality is a biological trait).
As always, this isn't about me putting shit out there to convince people or trying to assert my view on others. I'm just trying to encourage discussion. Think about all the things you think are normal, and then try to describe what it is that makes them normal. And don't give me this "Nothing's normal maaaan, it's all relative." I had a hippie friend in college that said that at least twice a week, and everytime he did so I'd piss on his toothbrush that very night. It's a cop-out for people who've given up on understanding the way they think. Anyways, if you really contemplate what it is that you and others consider normal, and then try to figure out how all that became accepted as normal, all this other shit comes out in the wash. It's like cutting a shark's stomach open and finding, amidst the fish bits and detritus, a hubcap from a '72 Granada.
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November 03, 2005
Still Sick?
Last night, at like 3:30am, my stomach started killing me. It was that gassy type of pain, really sharp and burning, right about your navel. God, I thought that fucking critter from Alien was going to pop out of my stomach.
"Aarrrarraaaa!"
"Jesus, and I thought it was just a 48-hour bug..."
"Argrawr? Raaaawwawrrrr..."
"Sweetheart, will you go get the Raid? I think the strain has mutated..."
Yeah, so there I am, praying for death or explosive diarreah or anything to relieve the stabbing pain in my abdomen; and it happens. I mean, it was the most amazing event of its kind that I've ever been a party to, or even heard of. I floated one of the most amazing air biscuits in the history of air biscuitry. I'm no stranger to farting, as I come from a long and voluminous line of Norweigan farters and burpers. But this thing was amazing. It sounded like 5.1 Dolby Surround, I mean, I could swear someone had plugged a subwoofer jack into my asshole and turned that mother up to '11'.
BRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEERRRRRRRRP.
The window panes shook in their frames, the bedspread flapped, the touch-lamp on the bedside table went through two three-stage cycles. The fiancee stirs: "Who the fuck is knocking on our door?"
"No one babe; but you just ripped horrendous ass." Evil grin.
Then the stench hit. No, it...swallowed us with the sorce of a tsunami. Smell 'o vision on steroids. Like so much landfill acreage, raw sewage, that sour smell of dead animals, the burning smell of propane, bad eggs, and spoiled bean soup. It was horrible, but totally amazing. I thought the woman was going to cry; I was doing all I could to keep from laughing (it would have given me away).
I woke up this morning feeling like a new man. I think The Fart was just the virus's death rattle. Not nearly deadly, but much more than a rattle; I can assure you that.
"Aarrrarraaaa!"
"Jesus, and I thought it was just a 48-hour bug..."
"Argrawr? Raaaawwawrrrr..."
"Sweetheart, will you go get the Raid? I think the strain has mutated..."
Yeah, so there I am, praying for death or explosive diarreah or anything to relieve the stabbing pain in my abdomen; and it happens. I mean, it was the most amazing event of its kind that I've ever been a party to, or even heard of. I floated one of the most amazing air biscuits in the history of air biscuitry. I'm no stranger to farting, as I come from a long and voluminous line of Norweigan farters and burpers. But this thing was amazing. It sounded like 5.1 Dolby Surround, I mean, I could swear someone had plugged a subwoofer jack into my asshole and turned that mother up to '11'.
BRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEERRRRRRRRP.
The window panes shook in their frames, the bedspread flapped, the touch-lamp on the bedside table went through two three-stage cycles. The fiancee stirs: "Who the fuck is knocking on our door?"
"No one babe; but you just ripped horrendous ass." Evil grin.
Then the stench hit. No, it...swallowed us with the sorce of a tsunami. Smell 'o vision on steroids. Like so much landfill acreage, raw sewage, that sour smell of dead animals, the burning smell of propane, bad eggs, and spoiled bean soup. It was horrible, but totally amazing. I thought the woman was going to cry; I was doing all I could to keep from laughing (it would have given me away).
I woke up this morning feeling like a new man. I think The Fart was just the virus's death rattle. Not nearly deadly, but much more than a rattle; I can assure you that.
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November 02, 2005
Identity Politics
Jeff Goldstein's Pinocchio, identity politics and the importance of rhetoric, has just turned into a real boy thanks to a few Democrats. Some serious background here on Jeff's views of identity politics and rhetoric, and a post that really wraps a lot of these issues up into a nice little package. It's an issue that Jeff's been floating for quite a while that deals with everything from affirmative action, to how a person's language can be hyjacked by those who never spoke it. Of course, until recently it was sort of an idea, a logical underpinning of certain views or positions that was never openly addressed. Whether it was because proponents of issues like affirmative action didn't realize it, or do realize it and think no one notices, is up for grabs I suppose.
I swear, he's the only person that speaks on the issue of identity politics, and how some people are allowing external conditions, nee forcing them, to define everything from who we are to what we say - regardless of who we are or what we're saying.
For instance, Goldstein asserts that what Lisa Gladden means when she says "party trumps race" and what Steve Gilliard is saying when he throws racial epithets at someone is that:
Please, lavish compliments upon my graphic arts skills. Really though. I don't own Photoshop, so that image was a pain in the ass.
I swear, he's the only person that speaks on the issue of identity politics, and how some people are allowing external conditions, nee forcing them, to define everything from who we are to what we say - regardless of who we are or what we're saying.
For instance, Goldstein asserts that what Lisa Gladden means when she says "party trumps race" and what Steve Gilliard is saying when he throws racial epithets at someone is that:
Please, lavish compliments upon my graphic arts skills. Really though. I don't own Photoshop, so that image was a pain in the ass.
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05:20 PM
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November 01, 2005
Pam likes me best
It's true. Pam likes me best!
Oh, you don't think so? Well then Mister Smarty Pants why don't you just show us some of the cow porn she's sent you lately?
Yeah. Didn't think so.
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09:24 AM
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Day Two
I woke up at about 3am covered in sweat. Had to go towel off, then change the damn sheets. The fiancee and I took the soiled sheets off, and she went to go get some more. She came back with a fitted sheet that, ironically, did not fit. Mildly exasperated, she went to fetch another. As it turns out, we own only one set of sheets that fits our bed. Great. So we grabbed a flat sheet and just made do. Talk about a pair of grumpy people.
I got up about 30 minutes ago and made myself a cup of tea. I decided to crush one of my Men's One-A-Day's into it. I don't know why, it just seems bettr than regular old tea. Well, the reason that shit is in pill form is because it tastes horrible. This sucks. When will it end? What if I have the avian flu or something? I'll be the first blogger to blog my death. Stay tuned.
I got up about 30 minutes ago and made myself a cup of tea. I decided to crush one of my Men's One-A-Day's into it. I don't know why, it just seems bettr than regular old tea. Well, the reason that shit is in pill form is because it tastes horrible. This sucks. When will it end? What if I have the avian flu or something? I'll be the first blogger to blog my death. Stay tuned.
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