When we took our walk through Millenium Park in Chicago we saw one of Chicago's finest. On a Segway. With a bright orange reflective safety vest, like the crossing guards wear.

You pretty much lose all of your Cool Cop points if you are on a Segway.

Posted by: Jim at 07:56 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Update: Thanks for playing! SnoozeBob is back in his cage.

I'm off to Denver today so I've brought Snoozebob out to play!

Snoozebob comes around when I am especially lazy am so burdened by other committments that I can't attend to my normal bloggish duties and he throws the doors open for y'all to abuse the Snooze guest post. It's easy as pie. Just go here and log in with username and password "snoozebob".

The door will be open until tomorrow morning. You can post just about whatever you want as long as it isn't spammy or overtly francophilish. There are a couple of things to remember though:

1. Don't do something so stupid that I or one of my proctors will have to ban your ass.


2. Put your name in there so we know who wrote what. In the title is the best place, as a header or in closing work too.


3. If you have a blog don't forget to whore it out here include a link.


4. For the category, please choose "SnoozeBob".

Enjoy!

(This post will stay at the top as long as open posting is enabled.)

POINTS: When I close guest posting I'll hand out some points based on which posts I thought were the funniest/most meaningful/bestest. It might be in categories or an overall list - not sure at the moment.

Posted by: Jim at 08:00 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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To make ammends for my earlier posting?

No?

Well then let me tell the world (or at least the 60% of the world that reads Jim's site) about the amazing eBay challenge. Anyone can enter (provided you have an Bay seller account) and the closing date for entries is the 26th April.

Basic intro can be found here and you may wish to peruse the rules.

Rob (XSet.co.uk)

Posted by: SnoozeBob at 04:47 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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1 Now THAT is pimping. Blatant advertising with extreme prejudice. I am impressed.

Posted by: Jim at April 20, 2005 11:21 AM (tyQ8y)

2 I just know you'd do the same for me ;-) You gonna play along?

Posted by: Rob at April 21, 2005 06:07 AM (kXZI6)

3 I'm having a hard time finding anything worth less than a dollar here. Almost everything is gold or silver plated or made of the skins of endangered animals.

Posted by: Jim at April 21, 2005 10:51 AM (MDLz3)

4 But surely you get it easier than the rest of us UK peeps? £2 is about $3.5 last I checked

Posted by: Rob at April 21, 2005 12:47 PM (kXZI6)

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Have I also mentioned lately how annoying I find some of you?
Not to mention obnoxious and irritating??
Yeah,needed to be said,sorry.:-)
LW

Posted by: SnoozeBob at 12:09 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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What movies have made you hyper-macho manly guys cry (since the age of 12 or so, besides Old Yeller)? Or at least watery-eyed, if not out-and-out bawling?

C'mon, don't be shy, let's show the ladies that there really are sensitive men out there!

And ladies, if your men are too ashamed to admit so, how about enlightening us with some of your hunky mate's tearjerking moments?

I'll tell you some of mine if you tell me some of yours:

more...

Posted by: SnoozeBob at 05:16 PM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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Posted by: SnoozeBob at 04:44 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Ok, fine, I'll stop with the French.

Do you ever wonder what people are thinking when they steal someone's cellphone and then stick it up their vagina? Yeah, I do, I also wonder what happens next... do they then whistle to try and cover up the *bring* from their no-no region?

What were they going to do once they got home with the thing, were they going to use it to call their friends? Sell it? Give it as a gift? Let their friends borrow it and then say "You're talking into my twat!" then laugh hysterically?

I could probably go on for hours in this vein, but I'll let someone post, and just sign off saying "Happy Snoozebob Day!".

Oh, I almost forgot the inevitable whoring

Posted by: SnoozeBob at 03:40 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Technically, this isn't francophile - more germophile (hmm... I like that word).

I just want to make sure that everyone gets to share in the phenomenon that is Schnappi - the small Egyptian crocodile that's taking Germany (and Rob) by storm!

Check out his single, and then the remixes...

NB: Dafyd* does not claim any reponsability for any loss of sanity incurred by listening to Schnappi. Listen at your own risk.

*Here there be whoring

Posted by: SnoozeBob at 02:04 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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I had one of those days yesterday where, if it was a movie, you would have laughed your ass off. Instead, it was real and you came this close to turning off the safety on that AK you keep in your bottom desk drawer.

I came into the office at 7am. Got situated and walked out my door to get a drink from down the hall. As soon as I step outside my office, the woman who ALWAYS bugs me about my ID badge is standing there: "You GOTTA wear that badge." I push out something resembling a laugh, but really, I wanted to cry - the blasted water fountain is fifteen feet from my door. It was the equivalent of the observation that somebody's got a case of the Mondays.

I get back to the office and realize I don't have the keys to unlock the file cabinet under my desk. Crap. I walk to the car, no keys. Check my shoulder bag, no keys. I sit there for a few minutes and decide to break the lock on the filing cabinet. The cabinet is one of those modular deals that slides out from the desk, but it sits on a little wooden frame. So I pull it out from under the desk, and it slides off the wooden frame. Crap. The thing weighs like 80lbs, so I have to squat and lift it fromt he floor back onto the frame. In all the heaving and hoing, I eventually get it back on the base and under the desk. Which is when I realize that in all that grunting, I had COMPLETELY forgotten to pop the lock off. Crap. Again. And it's not even 8:30am.

So, I pull it back out and it of course slides off it's base. Incidentally, it sliced my finger at the cuticle too; insuring that I was indeed completely awake at this point. So I wrap my wound in a napkin and secure it with a little scotch tape (office first aid, I earned that merit badge at the management retreat last fall). I pull the panel off the top of the cabinet, remove the cotter pin that holds the lock in place, punch the lcok core out, and release the lever locking all the drawers in place. With all this racket, I was beginning to draw the attention of a few passers-by.

I lift the heavy bastard back on it's base and slide everything under my desk. I'm sweating. That's when I get a call from one of the nursing units. Apparently a pipe above them in the hematology room had busted, and salt water was leaking through the ceiling onto people, computers, and filling light fixtures. It was like that all day yesterday.

shank

Posted by: SnoozeBob at 01:44 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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And so I have tried very hard to ensure this post is neither french or spammy ...

(Rob from XSet)

Posted by: SnoozeBob at 10:26 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Results: Pylorns has posted the answers. The only one that nobody got was #3, Gold Finger. Here are the folks who won points (1 per each correct answer):

Helen: #5 and #9
Tiffani: #4
tommy: #2, #6 and #8
Rob: #10
Clancy: #1 and #7

Ok I'll let Jim award the points when I get back. 10 movie quotes for your guessing enjoyment. And don't google them or I'll come to your house and take a dump on the hood of your car. Name the movie, and preferably the actor that said it.

1. "You're crazy man, I like you, but your crazy."

2. "We get caught laundering money, we're not going to a white collar resort prison, we're going to a federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison."

3. "Run along now dear, Man talk."

4. "...high school hasn't changed. There's still that one teacher who marches to her own drummer. Those girls are still there, the ones that, even as you grow up, will remain the most beautiful girls you have ever seen close up. The smart kids, who everyone else knew as 'the brains,' but I just knew them as my soul mates, my teachers, my friends. And there's still that one guy with his mysterious confidence who seems so perfect in every way. The guy you get up and go to school for in the morning. ... High school would not have been the same without him. I would not be the same without him. I lived a lifetime of regret after my first high school experience." (girls you'll get this one quick)

5. "Um, ok. That's the little boys' room and that's the little girls' room. Where are you going? Going to the mens' room." (my fav movie)

6. "Oh, now be honest, Captain. Warrior to warrior. You do prefer it this way, don't you, as it was meant to be. No peace in our time. Once more unto the breach, dear friends."

7. "A-B-C A-Always. B-Be. C-Closing. Always be closing. Always be closing!!"

8. "I've got a lot of fond memories of that dog."

9. "I'm not even supposed to be here. I'm just crewman number six. I'm expendable. I'm the guy in the episode who dies to prove the situation is serious. I gotta get out."

10. "Hey Terrorists, Terrorize this!"

-pylorns
http://www.wetwired.org

Posted by: SnoozeBob at 09:13 AM | Comments (16) | Add Comment
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I finally got a chance to ruin Jim's blog a bit and then nothing comes up.Total brain fart.
Yaaaawn......I think I'll go back to bed.
Happy Snoozebob day everyone!
LW
flaptrap.mu.nu

Posted by: SnoozeBob at 09:01 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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I can't believe it...Now I've had a chance to live the impossible dream! A post in Jim's blog! My life is now complete....Wait....that was the morning constitutional on the toilet that did it... Mitzi

Posted by: SnoozeBob at 07:01 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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I got an email this morning from somebody who says they want to buy snoozebuttondreams.com.

As.

If.

Posted by: Jim at 04:41 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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Once is luck.
Twice is coincidence.
Three times is a charm.

So what's four times?

Points for the top three answers. Bonus points if anybody gets the real answer, which isn't too likely because I just made this up in my meeting this morning but if you've been following along with the bits I drop about the job it's at least possible to get it.

Posted by: Jim at 02:33 PM | Comments (14) | Add Comment
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My blogdaughter sent me this with her answers and I was listed as the person she least expected to fill it out. The nerve of kids today! I'll show you, you young whipper snapper!

Hah! more...

Posted by: Jim at 11:31 AM | Comments (12) | Add Comment
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1 Awww Jim. See it was my Jedi Mind Trick. I knew if I said that then you would HAVE to answer the questions. See I ain't so blnod after all..

Posted by: Tiffani at April 15, 2005 11:55 AM (KE4Gu)

2 Dang! I am so susceptible to the reverse psychology thing. You'd think after using it on my kids for 5+ years I'd get better at recognizing it.

Posted by: Jim at April 15, 2005 12:02 PM (tyQ8y)

3 You had me up until you said you didn't like Brussell Sprouts. Jim, really. They're your friend. Especially in cheese. And Ireland, Australia and Hawaii? Fantastic, all of them (dude. Made me sound posh). Tiffani is very cool.

Posted by: Helen at April 15, 2005 02:03 PM (Oxw5k)

4 I can't help it. They're like the evil midgets of the vegetable world. Although I can at least eat them when Lovely Wife cooks them I just don't like them.

Posted by: Jim at April 15, 2005 03:04 PM (tyQ8y)

5 "Laundry is women's work." LOL! Ah, good stuff. *wipes tear from my eye*

Posted by: Boudicca at April 15, 2005 06:40 PM (z7nbM)

6 Yes, I'm predictable. Except when I'm not. Was that just so zen or what? I tell ya.

Posted by: LeeAnn at April 16, 2005 12:53 PM (vqSdN)

7 Brussel sprouts, parnsips and lima beans are evil and only suitably replaced by Baskin & Robbins Rocky Road ice cream.

Posted by: knpepper at April 16, 2005 06:19 PM (BJPIq)

8 Well I am waiting for that world trip. I'm so glad you invited us all along. What will I wear?

Posted by: Rachel Ann at April 17, 2005 02:45 AM (P884b)

9 Brussel sprouts are the devil's food. Here endeth the lesson.

Posted by: Simon at April 17, 2005 10:37 AM (Xr5R4)

10 LOL!

Posted by: vw bug at April 17, 2005 03:23 PM (atmrq)

11 Georgia? North or coast?

Posted by: Stacy at April 17, 2005 09:15 PM (seZ9z)

12 North. Near enough to Atlanta to have access to the city but far enough away not to know it's there. Actually, that's pretty much where I live now. Woo hoo! Goal reached!

Posted by: Jim at April 17, 2005 10:17 PM (MDLz3)

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I just noticed that there are a handful of Dove chocolate eggs in my inbox. I dumped them when I was packing up my laptop case for my trip and forgot all about them.

It's like Easter has come eleven and a half months early!

Posted by: Jim at 09:45 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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It's begging week pledge drive time at NPR. This time they are doing something a little bit different. They are going to end the begging drive as soon as they reach their goal! Cool, right? Well, no. They've never reached their goal so the chance that they'll reach their goal early is about the same as Michael Moore passing on a deep fried Twinkie.

But I've thought of a way to end this annoying crap early after all. You see, the magic number is for pledges of donations, not the donations themselves. This means that all somebody (meaning "you") has to do to stop the madness is to call up and pledge $600,000 or so. Badda boom, badda bing, pledge drive is over.

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Yeah that's great except for the $600,000 debt I'd incur". Well you're wrong. There's no legal financial obligation to fulfill your pledge. A pledge is just your personal promise to give them your money.

Now you're thinking "So you want me to break my word, corrupt my honor, defile my personal integrity just so you don't have to listen to a bunch of whining beggars during your morning commute?" Of course not! I would never ask you to do such a thing. All you have to do is get somebody else to make the pledge. I've got the perfect solution to this problem too. Bums.

That's right. Get a bum to make the call for you. Hell, if a bum is willing to suck a dick for a bottle of Thunderbird it shouldn't be hard to get them to make a phone call for you. If you're a decent negotiator you might even be able to get the BJ and the phone call for the same bottle. They don't have any teeth so it'll probably be worth it.

So get on out there now and find yourself a bum. I greatly appreciate your assistance in this matter.

Posted by: Jim at 08:24 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Number of posts in my aggregator after wiping out the ones from a couple blogs I'm probably going to drop because I just can't keep up with all of the blogs on my blogroll any more.

Maybe I'll move 'em out to an "On deck" blogroll.

(And no, if you are reading this I can just about guarantee that it's not your blog I'm talking about. Relax already.)

Posted by: Jim at 03:46 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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1 Just think-you'll be able to claim that Hooked on Phonics made you a faster reader! PS-thanks for the paranoia-smasher footnote you added. I felt my blood pressure go up before reading it.

Posted by: Helen at April 15, 2005 08:46 AM (Oxw5k)

2 And no, if you are reading this I can just about guarantee that it's not your blog I'm talking about. Oh, but it could be me. Yes, it could. And if it isn't, I think you should dump me regardless, on account of how scoldy I am.

Posted by: ilyka at April 15, 2005 09:07 PM (7NoCM)

3 But I like Scoldy. That's my second favorite dwarf, after Stabby.

Posted by: Jim at April 15, 2005 09:51 PM (MDLz3)

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If you had to pick one, would you rather have Narcolepsy or Turret's Syndrome?

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