The number of statue types you must find in order to get to the good parking near Millenium Park in Chicago. To be specific:

Gargoyles!

Indians!

Lions!

(Parents will no doubt be hearing either "We did it!" or "I'm the map!" in their heads right now. This is normal and you should not be concerned.)

Posted by: Jim at 02:49 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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That's how many blog posts are sitting in my aggregator.

What? Did you all save up a week's worth of posting for Monday and Tuesday while I'd be gone?

Posted by: Jim at 11:29 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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That's the number of nose pickings I witnessed on the way into work this morning. One of them could possibly have been a mismanaged scratch but at least three were knuckles deep and digging for gold.

What is it about cars that makes people forget that glass works both ways?

Posted by: Jim at 09:05 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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My meetings went very well. This is surprising as hell. You see, normally a meeting that has more than four people is useful only for brainstorming. Once you hit the magic number it's just about impossible to get actual constructive work done. Monday's meeting had 7 people and we actually did everything that we had to do. Admittedly it got a bit flighty toward the end when everybody was starting to burn out but overall it was an exceptionally well behaved crowd. Sunday's meeting was with project people instead of product people and we didn't get anything done except some brainstorming. This was okay though as the purpose of the meeting was to actually meet each other (my division is spread all over the States) and do some brainstorming.

More importantly, I met up with Elizabeth and Clancy. Elizabeth is a beanie (or "Chicagonian" if you prefer) and Clancy happened to be up there on his own business trip. We went out Monday and had a great time. Elizabeth is like a professional tour guide and showed us all around the fancy and touristy parts of downtown. A free tour was pretty cool because if I took a regular one I wouldn't have been able to expense it. Here are some of the tour highlights. Incidentally, I forgot to bring the camera so I don't have any pictures to post. Instead, I've just made helpful links for each of them: more...

Posted by: Jim at 02:39 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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1 Chicago sounds like a miniature Scotland. They fry Mars bars in Scotland. Pizzas, too. In fact, soon I think they will be frying their cigarettes before they light up. And I am sooooooooooo envious you met Elizabeth and Clancy. I want to meet all three of you

Posted by: Helen at April 13, 2005 03:19 PM (Oxw5k)

2 I got some cheesy pictures with my little Palm Pilot - when I get home (I'm still in the windy city) I'll post whatever looks half decent. I got a stealth picture of Elizabeth & Jim too to prove I was there (which I won't post as long as Elizabeth sends a certain undisclosed sum of money).

Posted by: Clancy at April 13, 2005 05:41 PM (LQ62t)

3 Who knew you could fry ravioli. Next you'll tell me it isn't Italian.

Posted by: Simon at April 14, 2005 06:05 AM (OyeEA)

4 Living in the Chicago area all my life I've learned two major facts when going to Chicago. 1) The people from Chicago drive like maniacs. The rules of the road apparently don't apply to them and they get pissy if you try to apply said rules to them. IE like expecting not to be pushed out of your lane because you where there first. 2)Enter any cab at your own risk. These guys don't know defensive driving, they are all offense all the time.

Posted by: Contagion at April 14, 2005 09:00 AM (Q5WxB)

5 Glad you had a good time! When are you taking your show to NY?

Posted by: RP at April 14, 2005 03:43 PM (LlPKh)

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Self-serve kiosks to check in and get your boarding pass are an excellent idea. Just swipe a credit card for ID, confirm your flight, take your boarding pass. Very fast and efficient. I even got an earlier stand-by flight on my return trip via kiosk.

Self-serve kiosks at Burger-King are a very bad idea. There are too many options, they're laid out badly and it takes far too long to just place a simple order.

Actually, those might work if Burger-King implemented a stupid people line.

Posted by: Jim at 12:54 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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Getting through security at the Atlanta airport is fast. They keep people moving by using a clever implementation of the 80/20 rule. In the case of airport security the rule says 80% of the people will do things correctly and 20% will be stupid. They identify those 20 percenters and send them to the dedicated stupid people line.

Security Guard: Identification and boarding pass, please.

80 percenter: Here you are.

Security Guard: Thank you. Please proceed to that line over there that is moving incredibly quickly.

[Next traveler approaches]

Security Guard: Identification and boarding pass, please.

20 percenter: Oh, right. I've got those somewhere. Just hold on a sec... Wait... Ah, here it is!

Security Guard: That's your boarding pass, ma'am. I'll also need to see photo identification.

20 percenter: Oh! You already said that, didn't you? I'm so sorry. I've got that in my wallet... In my purse... In my carry-on bag... Here it is! Aren't you proud of me?

Security Guard: Please proceed to the stupid people line. Enjoy your flight. If you manage to find the gate.

20 percenter: Thank you!

The system works very well.

Incidentally, Hartsfield-Jackson (Atlanta) kicks O'Hare (Chicago) ass all up and down the runway. In Atlanta I had wireless available and a power plug to use. In Chicago - nada.

Posted by: Jim at 11:21 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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I knew there was something I forgot. What's the absolute worst thing that a guy can forget? Yeah, that's right. An anniversary.

Not mine, of course. That's tattooed on my forehead in backward numbers like an ecnalubma so I'm reminded of it every time I look in the mirror. Safety first, yo.

No, I meant to post a happy anniversary post for Harvey and Smiling Dynamite. I even had a made up fairy tale story in the works about how Harvey the Troll kidnapped the beautiful Princess Dynamite and forced her to choose between marrying him or a Frenchman and then she kicked the shit out of him but then felt sorry for him and married him after all and they all lived happily ever after. With pictures in there too - that's what was planned.

So anyway, happy anniversary!

(6 years she's been married to Harvey, y'all. Every woman who reads this should go thank her for that 6 years of peace.)

Posted by: Jim at 10:47 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Going to UGA today, busy weekend, will be in Chicago Monday and Tuesday.

See y'all Wednesday.

Posted by: Jim at 07:10 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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So millions of people are marching by the Pope's remains to pay their last respects. Some people have been in line for days. They are coming to Italy from all over the world to say goodbye. For many it is their first time traveling to Italy and for most it is their first time seeing the Pope.

Isn't that just a little bit sick? I could understand a Pope groupie gathering the clan and hightailing it to Vatican City for a last look at the body but we're talking about people who've spent their entire lives without glimpsing His Popliness suddenly feeling the call to go look at a dead body.

What? You couldn't make the trip while the guy was alive? Do you prefer a viewing of a dead, made up, preserved, rigormortised* Pope to the live guy saying mass?

It's really creaping me out. It's like some death cult that comes out of the woodwork to get their jollies over a corpse.

Freaks.

* If he's stiff enough he'd be a Popesicle.

Posted by: Jim at 01:57 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Well, maybe not my kingdom but I am awarding points to the best slogans from the Slogan Challenge. Here are the long awaited results:

Serious slogans

Third place (1 pt): "More Talk, Less Action" - Dafyd

Second place (2 pts): "Working to create your children's nation." - Kenny

First place (3 pts): "We the people." - Garret

Irreverent slogans

Third place (1 pt): "Slogans are way tough to come up with." - Ilyka

Second place (2 pts): "85 percent less wacky than the Libertarians." - Kenny

First place (3 pts): "The party for real people. Whiney socialists and religious zealots need not apply." - Clancy

Coming soon:

Another contest to come up with a new name for the party, since this one reminds Ilyka of Barbara Boxer.

Posted by: Jim at 09:05 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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I have inherited nine folders of legacy documentation for The Big Project. Actual folders full of paper. I feel like I just stepped backward a decade.

I should be forgiving though - many of the documents actually are from a decade ago. Still, the vast majority of them are printouts so why the paper?

I could probably bring myself to forgive the presence of this pile of dead tree sheets except for one thing. The folders are pink. No, not "rose" or that very light pastel pink. These are PINK. Flaming pink, you might say. I've already had one coworker walk by my desk, pause, and say "Damn, those are really pink".

Now I've got to get a lock for my filing cabinet.

And a filing cabinet.

Posted by: Jim at 02:54 PM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
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1 or you could get some markers and color on them

Posted by: caltechgirl at April 06, 2005 06:14 PM (iCaDI)

2 What, no gay comments from the co-workers yet? If I saw those folders the gay jokes would have been flying.

Posted by: Machelle at April 06, 2005 07:35 PM (AEdLe)

3 Isn't "Sink the Pink" from an AC/DC song? Finally! Stealth points!

Posted by: Victor at April 07, 2005 08:35 AM (L3qPK)

4 You got it!! Sink the pink, it's all the fashion Drink the drink, it's old-fashioned Gimme water, gimme wine Gonna show you a good time Sink the pink Sink the pink

Posted by: Jim at April 07, 2005 08:45 AM (tyQ8y)

5 Machelle - I think I've successfully pre-empted those. I put up a sign that says "If you say anything faggish about my folders I'm filing a sexual harassment complaint."

Posted by: Jim at April 07, 2005 08:46 AM (tyQ8y)

6 I never get those.

Posted by: pylorns at April 07, 2005 08:47 AM (FTYER)

7 Yay!

Posted by: Victor at April 07, 2005 08:52 AM (L3qPK)

8 Yay to Victor - I so totally saw that yesterday but my stressed out mind totally forgot about the stealth points... So, enjoy your vistory, Victor. 'Cause it'll be the last one!! :-)

Posted by: Clancy at April 07, 2005 10:45 AM (JxYJc)

9 Bite me, Clancy.

Posted by: Victor at April 07, 2005 11:13 AM (L3qPK)

10 What kind of pastel pink? As in Barbie, or labia? (Now how many times can one ue that word in conversation, eh?)

Posted by: Helen at April 07, 2005 11:59 AM (Oxw5k)

11 I could live with labia pink but what I've got is Malibu Barbi pink. (Not nearly enough. ;-)

Posted by: Jim at April 07, 2005 03:16 PM (tyQ8y)

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I love etymology*, the study of the source of words. Some of the words in our current lexicon come from some seriously weird places. Take the common greeting Hello, for example. Hello has one of the strangest sources I've come across, one that is seriously out of place with its current use.

Hello is a bastardization of a 14th century phrase Hie below. Hie is from Middle English and means to go quickly. Below in this context meant persons who were underneath the speaker. You see, Hie below was a warning yelled out by upper story tenants when they were about to dump their chamber pots out of windows or off of balconies. It was a very quick method of saying "Whoever is underneath me better get their ass moving fast or they're going to be wearing a shit coat".

Hie below, as is typical for common phrases, contracted over the years. The first commonly recognized contraction in print was in Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream when Nick Bottom's character was being publicly ridiculed and despoiled. The feces coated weaver turned erstwhile player uttered the famous line "The eye of man hath not heard, the ear of man hath not seen; such unkind act with nary a hielow". This use of the word is one of Shakespeare's infamous double entendres. Bottom is complaining of both the lack of courtesy in a warning as well as the rudeness of not being properly greeted.

Usage of the word gradually shifted. With advances in sanitation there wasn't so much tossing of shit out of windows any more so that connotation died away. The word survived though and finally morphed into the common greeting of Hello that we all use today.

* Not to be confused with 'entomology', the study of bugs. Although that's pretty cool too. more...

Posted by: Jim at 11:05 AM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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1 Very interesting. Learn something new every day...!

Posted by: pylorns at April 06, 2005 11:23 AM (FTYER)

2 Well, you had me fooled. Unfortunately that's not too hard, I'm incredibly naive at times. My kids are always making things up and then laughing at me when I go "really?" Oh well. (I did look up what it really meant, but I'm not telling, so there pfbttt!)

Posted by: Rachel Ann at April 06, 2005 11:27 AM (jG2ss)

3 Damn Sam, Jim, that was good. Had me fooled, and now I've got to break out the gf's Complete Works of Wm. Shakespeare just because.

Posted by: Victor at April 06, 2005 12:21 PM (L3qPK)

4 Both ridiculous and believable. Until Shakes. Hey, did I miss the contest about your new political party slogans? Don't remember seeing your picks -- and good ones to choose from.

Posted by: Kenny at April 06, 2005 02:20 PM (sVrPB)

5 Most of that Shakespeare quote is real. The best lies are 80% truth. The contest is still open. I'll probably wrap it up tomorrow.

Posted by: Jim at April 06, 2005 02:47 PM (tyQ8y)

6 so I just made all of this up. Oh, you're a bastard, you are. Had me going. Now go look up the etymology of "bastard" and give us a good story about that one.

Posted by: ilyka at April 06, 2005 03:29 PM (wk1+o)

7 You suck! I was so ready to believe that and tell my friends. So, next time why not just leave that disclamer out and make us stupid blog readers look like the asses we are?

Posted by: Adamu at April 07, 2005 03:33 PM (bQFq3)

8 Too funny! I may have to try and convince my sister of this one. She believed our neighbor that she had to change the 'air' in the tires of her first car. Didn't want 'stale' air in the tires, they may go flat. I still laugh about that one.

Posted by: vw bug at April 10, 2005 09:29 AM (rhlNH)

9 yeah crazy. i thought "hello" was invented to answer the phone? i heard AGB thought "ahoy" would work.

Posted by: mickey mouse at April 25, 2005 08:58 PM (NICJR)

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A hippie is a dirty and smelly hugger of trees. A Goth is a member of an ultra-violent tribe of barbarians that kicked serious ass over half of Eurasia.

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What will the new Pope be like? I was listening to NPR* this morning and one of the talking heads was saying he wouldn't be surprised if the new Pope was younger and more energetic. I thought "I sure as hell hope so, buddy. You can't get a whole lot older or less energetic than the dead Pope". Then I realized he meant like overall. He's expecting a younger, more vibrant, hipper Pope.

Maybe a Pope that does a little pop and lock up on the Pope balcony. You know - a little entertainment for the masses. Or for the Mass, depending on your point of view. Maybe a bit of karaoke. Hell, it's got to be one huge temptation to be up there at the Popepodium with thousands of people assembled in the courtyard every day and not occasionally break into Unchain My Heart.

Or maybe, just maybe (my heart trembles at the thought), a kick-boxing Pope. THAT is what the Catholic church really needs. Nobody is going to call the Mother Church old, tired and stodgy with a kick-boxing Pope at the helm. A kick-boxing ninja Pope.

How freaking cool would that be, eh? You'd have young toughs lining up around the block to convert to an ass kicking religion like that. And just think about how this would let the Catholics compete in the Asian markets. What Buddhist monk could stand up to the force of the kick-boxing ninja Pope? Or better yet, a kick-boxing ninja RoboPope!

Yeah, that would be tooooo sweet!

Sometimes NPR actually has some good shit on it.

Posted by: Jim at 02:42 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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Who'll play the Pope in the movie?

I figure it'll be Matt Damon for the young Pope, Mel Gibson for the older Pope and Marlon Brando for the Popely Pope.

With Brando as the Popely Pope they won't have to do as much to fake all of the medical problems.

Posted by: Jim at 02:32 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Do you think they'll put the Popemobile up on eBay now?

Posted by: Jim at 02:02 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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The Pope died after a long and fruitful life and people all over the world are mourning and praying for him.

Why?

The mourning I understand. The pontiff was a well loved man. But why pray for the Pope? I mean, he was the frickin Pope! Leader of the Catholic Church, mouthpiece of God and all that good stuff. He's pretty much a shoe-in for whatever's supposed to come next.

Praying for the Pope is a waste of a good prayer. It's like praying that your reuben sandwich will have corned beef on it. Dude, it's a done deal. Already in the bag. Success by definition. Minutes taken, meeting adjourned.

So don't waste your effort with Pope prayers. Aim those prayers at a place where they can do some constructive good. Join me in praying that Hillary Clinton will find a soul. Or at least a clue.

Posted by: Jim at 11:26 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Thought I forgot all about updating for this one, didn't you? Well, you were right. But fortunately Outlook didn't forget and successfully pestered me into doing it today.

The Points board is current for everything that's closed and there's still one contest post open for those looking to increase their totals.

Posted by: Jim at 03:59 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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1 I'll byte. Which contest is open? I did some searching and must just be blind.

Posted by: vw bug at April 01, 2005 04:28 PM (rhlNH)

2 This one!

Posted by: Jim at April 04, 2005 09:51 AM (tyQ8y)

3 Damn, I missed that post. Oh well next time.

Posted by: pylorns at April 04, 2005 10:16 AM (FTYER)

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As I parked the car last night the song playing on the radio was "Soak up the Sun" by Sheryl Crow. Weirdly enough it was the first song on the radio when I started up the car this morning.

I like listening to Sheryl Crow. She's got a voice that is pleasing to the ear. The problem I have is when I listen to the actual words of Sheryl Crow songs they have a tendency to piss me off. This is mostly because she's one of those au natural dirty hippies and her songs tend to reflect that fact.

Anyway, I tried very hard not to listen to the words of "Soak up the Sun" this morning because it's an enjoyable song and it was pleasing to hear Sheryl singing to me in the early morning hours. Unfortunately I couldn't help hearing this lyric:

It's not having what you want

It's wanting what you've got

Dammit, no! Sheryl, not even you can possibly believe that little bit of tree hugging wisdom. Yes it's a sweet sentiment. Sure, it would look great on a Tender Moments card or plastered to the back of a flower patterned VW bus. But please! That's about the least true truism ever spouted by a hippie rocker.

If this was true - that it's not about having what you want - then Sheryl would still be a nobody stoner folk singer playing on open mike night 'for the love of her music'. She wanted a bigger audience. She wanted better equipment. She wanted her own band. She wanted to make shitloads of money. And she achieved these things because it IS about having what you want.

I can't imagine what my life would be like if I had been raised to just be happy with what I had. Can you imagine? I wouldn't be married. Wedding my Lovely Wife was something I didn't have that I wanted. I wouldn't have kids - they were also things I didn't have and that I wanted. I wouldn't have a house. Wouldn't have a car. Wouldn't have a job.

What a sucky life I'd be living if it was all about just wanting the things I already had.

Complacency is spiritual death. Living is about pursuing your desires. Sheryl knows this, it's just too bad she doesn't sing it.

Posted by: Jim at 01:53 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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With the Terry Shiavo thing so prevalent in the news and on everybody's lips living wills are getting some well deserved attention. All over the blogosphere you see people posting their digital equivalent. The three most common sentiments are:

• I want to live, no matter what, as long as possible.


• I don't want to live like a vegetable, no matter what, do me in please.


• I don't want to live like a vegetable but for the love of all that's holy please don't starve me to death.

I, James Peacock, being of (reasonably) sound mind and (for the most part) sound body do hereby solemnly swear and affirm that in the event my mental faculties are reduced to the point where I can be out-thought by a toaster that I officially do not give a damn what you do with my semi to fully mentally vacant meat puppet. It's up to you. If I am a financial burden and am holding back your life then do me in without regrets. If it is a comfort to you to have my non-sentient living corpse lying about then by all means keep me going. If you can make some cash by decorating me with sparkles and posing me in compromising positions with various woodland animals then have at it.

Seriously. Whatever will make the lives of my survivors better, no matter what that is, you have my permission to do it.

Now, to avoid the possibility of a repeat of the Shiavo/Schindler feud I'll take care of any possible disagreements right off the bat: In the event that my survivors disagree on what to do with me, whoever has the least permanent plan wins. So if one relative wants to inject me with morphine until I expire and another wants to pose me on their mantelpiece, the poser wins. Simple enough, right?

I think that covers everything. Carry on.

Posted by: Jim at 08:36 AM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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