You know the rules...but in case you're either dense or a newbie:

1. In the extended entry are quotes from 10 movies. Your job is to identify the movie that each quote came from.
2. Guess as many times as you want, just don't get silly about it.
3. First person to correctly guess each entry gets a point. If there are any left after 24 hours they are worth 2 points.
4. As people guess the films I will strike out those entries and note who got it first.
5. NO cheating!!! That means NO: Google, IMDb, searching my archives etc.!

And I think this one is harder than Jim's Match that Quote. These are taken from old movies, cult films, and are, I think, lesser known quotes from relatively recent movies (except for one or two giveaways). Heck, one of 'em might even be from a cartoon. I confess I probably won't be as quick on the draw as Jim is on announcing right or wrong, so you'll just have to deal with it.

more...

Posted by: Victor at 07:47 PM | Comments (18) | Add Comment
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He's probably trying to get back to his hotel. Only you can help him out!

(My best was 49 meters. Poor Jim is still asleep in the gutter.)

Posted by: Victor at 07:21 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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As most of you know JimÂ’s run off for a while to a wedding in Spokane. He hand picked the best writers on the internet the six knuckle heads that actually took the time to fill out the request. Using his powers of telepathy Jim could tell that you, the faithful Snooze Button Readers could miss him. So he sent me the photo* with a note scribbled on it (its in the extended entry and Not Work Safe) that I wanted to share with you.

I must warn you a bit though before you take a look at the photo that itÂ’s a tad bit disturbing. I had always thought that Jim was joking when he said he looked like Matt LeBlanc**. And from his recent post an Argument for Creationism I had assumed he was a breast man (not that he had a pair). Well maybe heÂ’s just fascinated will all facets of the human body since in his next post he was fixated with his ass. I just didnÂ’t expect him to send us a photo with it on display (in red Manties no less).

So go ahead read the note Jim sent***, but donÂ’t say I didnÂ’t warn you. more...

Posted by: phin at 04:00 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Today is two for one!

INVESTING FOR YOUR RETIREMENT:

If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00.

Continue in the extended entry for the rest of this humor and the second truly tasteless funny.
more...

Posted by: vw bug at 02:54 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Kids if you've been paying attention this week we learned earlier from Victor that States can no longer ban out of state wine shipments.

Every seeking to help our reader in their daily lives The Snooze Crew™ set out on a mission to review the best screw top wines available. After several trips to the corner mini-mart we determined the results of this wine review site were accurate.

With the help of the wines mentioned in the review you too can drink any woman pretty; even her.

Hat Tip: Confederate Yankee for point out referring us to the Wine Review mentioned above.

Posted by: phin at 01:03 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Hello faithful SBD readers! I am one of the beloved Snooze Crew that has taken over in Jim's absence.

I had to beg for help on some ideas of what to write about here while Jim is gone, and someone gave me a stellar idea. Favorite Summertime Memories.

My Favorite Summertime Memory happened about 10 years ago when my eldest daughter was 5 years old. more...

Posted by: Denise at 06:41 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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For those interested in filling out applications:

Hello - we are a team of award winning producers working on a film for a major cable network about women's progress - as well as our "unfinished business" and dreams.

We are currently seeking women in their mid-40's to 60's who might be interested in sharing their recent coming out stories on camera. We believe that, by focusing on the personal and workplace conflicts and concerns of women who recently came out, we can illuminate the important struggles, triumphs and hopes of the lesbian community and of courageous, individual women.

Sure they're looking for women, but I figured what the hell I'd apply too, I'm a Lesbian trapped in a mans body (so I'm half of what they're looking for).
If you're interested in filling applying, here's the contact information.

There that should help firm up Jim's standing in the gay community. No matter what anybody else says IÂ’m here for ya boss.

Posted by: phin at 12:41 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Yesterday I wrote about my favorite cartoons, and I mentioned how I can't hear Wagner without thinking of What's Opera, Doc?

Right now, the classical station is playing The Barber of Seville, and I ain't a-thinking about Figaro and Rosina.

Posted by: Victor at 12:06 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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A good-ole-redneck boy staggered home late after another evening with his drinking buddies.

Shoes in left hand to avoid waking his wife, he tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step in the darkened entryway.

As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump.

A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.

Managing to suppress a yelp, he sprung up, pulled down his pants and examined his lacerated and bleeding cheeks in the mirror of a nearby darkened hallway, then managed to find a large full box of band aids before proceeding to place a patch as best he could on each place he saw blood.

After hiding the now almost empty box, he managed to shuffle and stumble his way to bed.

Morning, he awakens with screaming pain in head and butt to find his wife staring at him from across the room, and hears her say: "You were drunk again last night!!!"

Forcing himself to ignore his agony, he looked meekly at her and replied: "Now Hon, why would you say such a mean thing?"

"Well," she said, "there is the front door left open, the broken whiskey bottle glass at the bottom of the stairs, the drops of blood trailing through the house, your bloodshot eyes, and all that blood in the bed, but, mostly.... it's all those band aids stuck on the mirror downstairs!"

Posted by: vw bug at 10:21 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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But only if you answer this question: WWJD?*

*What Would Jim Do, dudes.

Posted by: Victor at 02:20 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Man, I love me some cartoons, especially Tom & Jerry (pre-1955, please) and Wile E. Coyote. But my very favorite cartoons are two Bugs Bunny cartoons which are probably faves of yours, too: The Rabbit of Seville and my absolute favorite, What's Opera, Doc?

At work, I listen to a classical station, and you know what I've discovered? I can't hear anything by Wagner without thinkig of that cartoon.

Kill the wabbit, kill the wabbit!

Posted by: Victor at 01:16 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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What do Britney Spears and Michael Jackson have in common? more...

Posted by: phin at 09:30 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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My girlfriend and I have the unwritten rule of three-

This is, simply put- A free pass to sleep with three pre-agreed upon famous people should we ever get the chance. ItÂ’s a nice little semi-harmless exercise- We get to hoot, whistle and drool unabashedly in front of each other when any of the five chosen ones appear on TV.
Yes, I did say five. (More on that in a minute..)

more...

Posted by: Rob P at 11:10 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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From Da Professor comes word the Supremes have ruled states cannot ban direct out-of-state wine shipments. This fills me with joy, as I live in Maryland, one of those backwaters where direct wine sales are banned. Worse, I live in Montgomery County, which regulates the sale of alchohol out the wazzoo. OUT THE WAZZOO, I SAY!!!.

Cheap Mad Dog! Cheap Mad Dog! Man, my life is COMPLETE!

Posted by: Victor at 02:17 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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Fortunately I do know when I'll be back again. That would be next Monday. If you're expecting any posts from me before then, or on that Monday, or even the following Tuesday you'll likely be even more disappointed than you normally are when I actually post something.

So until Wednesday next I leave you in the competent capable enthusiastic hands of the Snooze Crew™:

Diamond Dave
Phin
Victor
Denise
Rob P
vw bug
Paul

Posted by: Jim at 09:31 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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I promised in my application to guest host I wouldn't start a comment party unless bribed by Harvey. Well Harvey hasn't bribed me yet, so I figured I'd host a TrackBack party, since we need something to track back to I figured an image would be a great idea. Now the only thing to ponder is the image.

Given Jim's preference for all things bird & boob (i.e.: the blue footed boobie) related I thought it best to go with a combination of both. So without further delay I present to you, Jim's purple hooter:

A picture of Jim's purple hooter is below in the extended entry and should be work safe. more...

Posted by: phin at 09:00 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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I'm not a man of wealth, nor of taste. Believe you me.

My name is Victor, and I'm helping trash Jim's blog while he's away. In the likely event you're not one of the six or so people who read my blog, you have no idea who I am, so by way of introduction, I'd like to post my answers to Jim's Guest Blogger Application. I confess I filled it out pretty much because I like to fill out forms, and less because I wanted to guest blog here. I mean, take a look at my blog--I hardly ever post there. more...

Posted by: Victor at 07:40 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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Well Jim isn't actually leaving until the 17th; but since he said we could start posting I figured what better way to send him off than with a picture?

So in the extended entry, Jim said to post pictures that may not be work safe in the extended entry portion, I've posted a picture of a hairy pecker. And it's even from Washington State, which is even more fitting since Jim's headed to Spokane.

* The picture should be work safe; it's not the hairy pecker you're thinking of pervo. more...

Posted by: phin at 03:34 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Here's an interesting tidbit I found at Rhymes With Right. The animal shelter at PETA's Norfolk headquarters isn't a no-kill shelter. In the past five and a half years they've killed over 10,000 puppies and kitties (Figure doesn't include murders in 2005).

Here's the numbers.

PETA had income of over $29,000,000 (that's TWENTY-NINE MILLION, in case you're having trouble with all of those zeros) last year. Obviously that wasn't enough to house the thousands of companion animals they killed. There must be something wrong with my math though because when I multiply 2,000 pets times $600 (average annual cost for a shelter to keep an animal) it comes out to way less than a single PETA advertising campaign.

There is no notice anywhere on PETA's website that they kill animals. There's lots of begging for money to save the animals though.

So donate to PETA and kill a kitten today!

Posted by: Jim at 12:46 PM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
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Helen has a list of demands for the world at large. It's good stuff - mostly common sense things like having an option for a non-shedding cat (besides those nasty hairless ones, of course). I put a couple of my own in her comments but my brain has been on fire since then and has regurgitated its own list.

Dear World, the following are my demands:

* Stop making hot sauces turn my ass into a fiery red inferno of pain and bloody leakage the next day. I know back in the day that this was a mark of honor and gave me bragging rights to show off my consumption of deadly spices but these days I'm not showing off at all. Honest. I just like the taste and would like to enjoy it without the specter of a disintegrating colon hanging over my head.

* Please throw whatever switch is needed in women's heads so they'll understand that it is not necessary to have any particular objective in mind in order to purchase a reciprocating saw. Having a reciprocating saw is self justifying just because it is. more...

Posted by: Jim at 10:21 AM | Comments (18) | Add Comment
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1 Placing the words "disintegrating colon" in the top entry might have been a bad idea. I just didn't have the stomach to venture further. Reordering might be in order.

Posted by: Tig at May 13, 2005 11:13 AM (CWhYh)

2 That's there intentionally. To set the mood, know what I mean?

Posted by: Jim at May 13, 2005 11:18 AM (tyQ8y)

3 I want a working hallodeck.

Posted by: Paul at May 13, 2005 11:22 AM (vbP6L)

4 Considering that whoever is filling these demands is going to start with the easiest to fill, I would like it to be known that I want a sit-on-top ocean kayak. For one person or two, it doesn't matter. I'll let Paul use it if he shares the hallodeck every once in a while.

Posted by: shank at May 13, 2005 11:32 AM (+H1yK)

5 You are really in touch with your backside today-4 of those have to do with the nether regions.. Aww, what the hell. (We'll call it "anal awareness") In college, we had three main sources of nutrition- Beer, ramen noodles and 10 cent wings. The after effects of beer mixed with speech defect-inducing hot sauce were affectionately referred to as "Sh*tting a running chainsaw" or "giving birth to aliens". Oh- And I want to be invisible for a day so I can hide in the ladies room and lift all the seats.

Posted by: Rob P at May 13, 2005 12:20 PM (i3q83)

6 Here's the trick with the reciprocating saw. Just go buy one, but keep it hidden from the wife. Once you have one, you will find a need for it, I promise. When I bought mine I wasn't sure what I'd need it for. And now I've used it on just about every project to date. Anyway - once you have the saw and you've identified several uses for it, start the project and stop midway (while the house is a mess) and declare your need for the saw. The wife will relent. Then, you can go to the range and drive a bucket of balls (while she thinks you're out buying a saw you already own). It's just a shame that LW reads these posts - I'm sure you could have gotten away with this!

Posted by: Clancy at May 13, 2005 01:51 PM (JxYJc)

7 Clancy,I have the financial and bank access....no hiding for him anyways.hehehe Jim.....about the hot sauce:THIS is coming out the mouth of the one who cooks that hot crap and risks that wife and kids suffocate while you do that?LOLLOL

Posted by: LW at May 13, 2005 02:43 PM (MDLz3)

8 At least you know that you're not the only one who's suffering. ;-)

Posted by: Jim at May 13, 2005 02:46 PM (tyQ8y)

9 yeah...and while you're making your demand for minivans to be cool, why don't you ask for something equally preposterous--like hilary clinton turning from the dark side or Ted Kennedy drying up.

Posted by: Pam at May 13, 2005 03:15 PM (D1bQr)

10 Jim, I have a Sanyo 4900 and it has an Airplane Mode. I know Sprint has a couple other phones that have that. I'm not sure about other carriers, although I would think there has to be other phones that have that feature.

Posted by: Ryan at May 13, 2005 03:19 PM (ZfnIz)

11 Come on now, a cool minivan is at least THEORETICALLY possible. I bet they could turn out a sweet one on "Pimp my Ride".

Posted by: Jim at May 13, 2005 03:23 PM (tyQ8y)

12 Ryan - Sweet! Item #3 is already being granted. The rest of them should fall like dominos.

Posted by: Jim at May 13, 2005 03:25 PM (tyQ8y)

13 theory aint reality, bub. hehe... P.S. I have driven a minivan for 10 years and rarely if EVER do i get even an acknowledgement from masareti owners.hehe.. On the flipside, i drove my husbands '68 buick once and I got LOTS of attention. Granted, it was from illegal mexicans, but a girl's gotta take what she can get! ;-)

Posted by: Pam at May 13, 2005 03:37 PM (D1bQr)

14 "Does poop really need to smell that bad" I never really knew I could gag from bad smelling poop until we got a dog. I know when I get old and have to live on dog food I know which brand I won't be buying. Blech.

Posted by: Machelle at May 13, 2005 03:49 PM (ZAyoW)

15 I'd like a 'This is gonna come up and bite you in the ass' flag, built into MS Project. This week, it would've come in handy. Pass me my whoopee cushion.

Posted by: knpepper at May 13, 2005 05:16 PM (ehn/V)

16 All I want is teleportation... that's it. No traffic jams, no being late to work, and being able to hit Starbucks on the spur of the moment. My poop could gag me to death as long as I had teleportation.

Posted by: Wendy at May 14, 2005 02:25 AM (lVGGv)

17 Gimme a "T" Gimmie an "M" Gimmie an "I" [running chainsaw?!? yikes] Here's a couple of ideas born out of experience: If the lady doesn't see the inherent value in that saw, let her use it for a while. [In my case] that would involve showing her the basics, leaving the book handy [yes, men, these things come with The Book] and then going away for a while and letting her play with it. 'Til she's done. If that's a no-go, make the saw / shoes analogy. "The perfect project / outfit *will* come along; then where will I be?"

Posted by: Claire at May 14, 2005 11:46 AM (l1oyw)

18 A big YES from the House of Bou on the cool state of the mini-van. I'm tired of being the asexual Mom person who drives a mini-van. I'd think the probabiity of getting colon cancer is significantly smaller if you're constantly burning it out...

Posted by: Boudicca at May 14, 2005 03:47 PM (z7nbM)

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