Points are awarded for the weird habits submitted to this post.

Winner (5 points): Jennifer
Sucking on giant cow udders.
Don't knock it 'til you've tried it.

First runner up (4 points, +1 for existing habit): diamond dave
Taking the pants off completely when doing the No. 2.
As some famous person once said "Would they be of silk still should these fetters chafe and bind". Last thing I need while sitting on the can is binding, I tell you what.

Second runner up (3 points): phin
Dressing up in Red Panties and parading around the office.
What's the normal color - blue?

Third runner up (2 points, +1 for existing habit): Victor
You have sex with your wife on a regular basis.
It's only "weird" if the barn fowl protests.

Honorable mention (1 point): Tiffani
Walking around with your shirt off.
I'm seldom without a shirt. Quite often I'm without pants but after the third time the ASPCA tried to "bag" me I made it a habit to always wear a shirt. more...

Posted by: Jim at 01:31 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 204 words, total size 1 kb.

I wanted to write a post about how much I hate sports bars but I just canÂ’t do it justice. The passionÂ’s not strong enough, and I think itÂ’s because these things are so damned innocuous that people no longer realize theyÂ’re in a sports bar.

As far as I’m concerned they’re cookie-cutter, stereotype shitholes with lousy menus and too many televisions. For some reason most of them have green décor—why I don’t know. Do sports fans only eat chicken wings? Do sports fans have to completely lower their standards of cuisine?

Most sports bars are basically open from lunch to sometime after midnight. There are not enough sports on during that time to fill the slots. ThatÂ’s why half the time their showing goddamned curling.

Hell, I donÂ’t know, maybe itÂ’s just me. I like the NFL. Sixteen games and youÂ’re done with it. But Jesus Christ flipping flapjacks, some people watch the NBA, NCAA basketball, baseball (the all-time most boring spectator sport the world has ever known), hockey, golf, tennis and who knows what else.

Whose life is that empty that they need to completely fill it up with the accomplishments, drama and competition of other people? Because IÂ’m here to tell you, keeping up with all that shit is a full time job. And thatÂ’s not even counting the shit they call sports thatÂ’s not really sports. The stuff that takes no athletic ability like poker and darts. Sports? You must be shittinÂ’ me.

My God, I hate sports bars.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 01:16 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 261 words, total size 2 kb.

The Scene: Lovely Wife is typing away at her computer. Bacon comes up to her with a marker and a blank piece of paper.

Bacon: Momma, how do you spell "Everybody stay out of my room especially Burger"?

Lovely Wife: [stifles laugh] Ummm...it's "E-V-E-R-Y-B-O-D-Y S-T-A-Y O-U-T O-F M-Y R-O-O-M E-S-P-E-C-I-A-L-L-Y B-U-R-G-E-R".

Bacon: [wearing a crestfallen expression] Oh. That's a lot.

Lovely Wife: Yes, it is.

Bacon turns and walks out of the room, dispirited at the effort required to make his sign. Late the same evening Lovely Wife noticed a sign, carefully lettered and taped to Bacon's door. The resourceful lad had rethunk his requirements and reduced scope on his sign project. The completed work read:

NO BURGER!

Posted by: Jim at 12:50 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
Post contains 120 words, total size 1 kb.

Victor here, announcing that several stealth points went unclaimed last year. Someone should tell you about them and it may as well be me because I offered them to y'all.

To be honest, the first point may or may not have qualified for stealth points. I sent Jim a note and he never replied, but I'll mention it here as a just-in-case. It was just last month, when my incredibly awesome caption won Jim's caption contest. In case you've forgotten, it was Fluffy the Hutt was not at *all* pleased when Han Solo had to dump the load of Triskelian Mice he was smuggling.

I'll get the obvious out of the way first: It was not the Star Wars references. Jim has stated that painfully obvious references, such as Monty Python, are not eligible for Snooze Points, and I suspect references to characters from Star Wars would qualify as painfully obvious. However, read it carefully...does anyone not remember Star Trek? Particularly hot alien babes? Particularly the blue-haired drill-Thrall hot alien babe Shana from The Gamesters of Triskelion? Anyway, "Triskelian Mice" got their name from this episode of Star Trek; I used "triskelian" because I needed an alien-sounding name.

(For the record, mice, rats, squirrels, rabbits, nor any other form of rodent figure in this episode not one bit.)

There was one other stealth point that could have been awarded. Since this was originally posted in October, you would have received one point for finding it, one point for finding it twenty-four hours after it was posted, and I would really have pressured Jim into awarding a third point if you had it right. See, when I told Jim about it, I was wrong.

Back in October, I titled a post His only crime was being born delicious! in reference to Phin smoking Jim's mascot. For some bizarre reason, I thought I got that phrase from a Simpson episode--the one with Pinchy the lobster--and that's what I told Jim.

A few weeks ago, that phrase was thrown in my face while I was re-watching one of my favorite Mystery Science Theater 3000, Manos: The Hands of Fate, when Crow T. Robot uttered that phrase during the invention exchange (The Chocolate Bunny Guillotine).

I would have accepted MST3K or Manos for that answer...after having the shock of reading it wake me up and get me to Google that phrase to make sure I was wrong.

So, there you go. Had Dafyd googled all of my post titles, he would have found that and ended up tied with Tiffani for Grand Snooze Points Champion of 2005. As it is, Tiffani stands highest on the podium, where she belongs.

Posted by: Victor at 04:04 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 451 words, total size 3 kb.

I post an anecdote that may or may not be true. You guess which it is, based on your knowledge of me and my curious ways. Whoever gets it right gets a point when the contest closes. There's a lot to this one, but it's an all or nothing. All true or all bullshit. Here we go:

The Haircut, New YearÂ’s Eve & John Madden
more...

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 01:05 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
Post contains 1567 words, total size 9 kb.