Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.

(Hat tip to Lovely Wife)

Posted by: Jim at 09:54 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Caution: Despite many similarities in letter use the phrases "gild the lily" and "gird the lion" have little to nothing in common. more...

Posted by: Jim at 09:50 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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As soon as the elevator stops at a floor yell out "Oh my God! The doors are stuck!"

Leap to the doors and wedge your fingers into the crack. Strain like mighty Hercules forcing open the vaulted doors of Gehenna as the elevator doors open. When the doors have opened, step back with a sigh of relief and say "It's safe now."

This works even better when you do it at multiple floors so people see you do it more than once.

Additional: As each person leaves the elevator say "Your welcome" or "Looks like you owe me one".

Posted by: Jim at 08:50 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 107 words, total size 1 kb.

Fasturbation: (n) A solo quickie.

Posted by: Jim at 06:50 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 7 words, total size 1 kb.