The scene: Dopple-G and I are driving into work in the early morning hours. As it often does, our conversation turns weird.

Dopple-G: If you were a chick, what would you do for a living?

Me: I'd screw.

Dopple-G: You'd be a whore?

Me: No, I'd have a lot of sex and make a lot of money.

Dopple-G: That's called being a whore.

Me: Well I'd be having sex because I want to have a lot of sex. The money is just a bonus. Dopple-G: If you have sex for money, that's prostitution.

Me: That's what I meant. I wouldn't be having sex for money. I'd be having sex for sex and getting money on top of the bargain.

Dopple-G: If somebody pays you money because you had sex with them you are a whore.

Me: Why? If I go to a used car lot to buy a car and I strike a deal that gives me that car plus free car washes for a year that just means I'm a successful bargainer, right?

Dopple-G: Do I want to know where this is going?

Me: So if I go out to a bar and I strike a deal that gets me laid plus it earns me $50 that's the same thing. It means I'm a capitalist.

Dopple-G: It means you're a man-whore.

Me: So any time money changes hands and sex was a contributor it's prostitution? What if I picked up a chick and the top of her head blew off (figuratively) from repetitive orgasms and she was just so deliriously thankful for my ministrations that she gave me $50? Would I be a whore?

Dopple-G: Well, no. If you had no idea beforehand that there would be a monetary award then you wouldn't be a whore.

Me: And that's different from simply telling a woman "I want to screw your brains out. I can totally and completely blow your mind through my ungodly sexual prowess. $50 and I'm all yours." and then both of us living up to our sides of the bargain?

Dopple-G: So you're saying that if you were a woman you'd make a living turning $50 tricks and you wouldn't be a whore?

Me: Hell no! I'd be charging a whole lot more than that. I'd be banging the rich guys.

Dopple-G: And you wouldn't be a whore?

Me: Nope. Just a businesswoman getting the sex I want and some bonus cash to go along with it.

Dopple-G: Well you would definitely be a slut.

Me: Yeah, I guess I'd be a major slut.

Posted by: Jim at 11:23 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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