The other night things got a bit frisky at home and Lovely Wife and I got a bit happy with the old digital camera. Hey, it's a free country, it was the privacy of our own home and the kids were all asleep. While reviewing the resulting incriminating evidence it became apparent that we had a difference of opinion. I thought that they were very beautiful and considered them artistic photos. Lovely Wife thought they were basically porn and that I better not even think of posting them.

Since I'm naturally contrary and I've got a good 8 hours or so before she can physically harm me I've decided to post a select couple of pics. I'm not trying to showcase the Peacock Family nudity here, I'm genuinely interested in whether you think these are artistic or pornographic.

If a female spreads her legs is it automatically porn? View image

If it's tastefully done can a penis be artistic? View image

Let me know what you think.

Posted by: Jim at 10:22 AM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
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Carnival of the Vanities #73 is up at On The Third Hand. MommaBear has worked it up into a literary theme but don't let that make you think it's boring - the first book is Sex and the Single Girl.

POINTS: 2 points to the first person to name my source for this title. No searches, y'all.

Posted by: Jim at 07:06 AM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
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Happy Crappy Post Day!!*

In celebration of Crappy Post Day I give you Trey Givens on the Nefarious Ways of El Qaeda**. It's humor - we try to avoid serious stuff on Crappy Post Day.

* Crappy Post Day is when I don't have the time to write up any sort of decent post on my own so the only amusement you'll find here are the occasional gem I've found elsewhere or perhaps some cheesy jokes.
** Remember that the posts I refer you to are not the Crappy ones, those are on this site that you are currently viewing. Trey's post is one of those 'occasional gems' noted in the first note.

Posted by: Jim at 03:14 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Bull from Irritable Blog Syndrome gives the straight twisted dope on blogging anonymously. Plus she says things like "shut your cock holsters". You just can't beat that.

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A lamb!

Which begs the question, what do you stuff a lamb with? Chickens, obviously.

Does the recipe for stuffed camel put you in mind of The old lady who swallowed a fly?

(Hat tip to Dopple-G)

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After his death, Osama bin Laden went to paradise.

He was greeted by George Washington, who gut punched him and yelled angrily, "How dare you attack the nation I helped conceive!" Then Patrick Henry punched Osama in the nose and James Madison kicked him in the groin. Bin Laden was subjected to similar beatings from John Randolph, James Monroe, Thomas Jefferson and 66 other early Americans.

As he writhed in pain on the ground, an angel appeared. Bin Laden groaned, "This is not what I was promised!"

The angel replied, "I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you! What did you think I said?"

(Hat tip to Dopple-G)

Posted by: Jim at 11:57 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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If you'd like to get your own hossensnarker ingredients head on over to the Hunting of the Snark. And don't worry about ruining your diet. They're low carb, low fat and even fit a vegan diet.

Posted by: Jim at 07:25 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Finally, a political "where are you" test that makes it all clear. I'm a liberal conservative libertarian!

This test is a humorous take on the caricatures of the parties and will help you determine if you are an Archconservative, Leftwing Wacko, Antigovernment Libertine or Commie Sympathizer.

My favorite question:

The best things in life...

CONS: have a substantial membership fee.
LIBL: need price controls.
LBRT: are subject to the whims of supply and demand.
COMM: have a substantial waiting list.

Posted by: Jim at 08:59 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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The 10th Bestofme Symphony is up at Dan K.O'Leary dot com and ready for your Monday obeissance. Pour a cup of coffee and sit back with the best of the blogosphere.

Hosting: Would you like to host the Symphony? Send me a note.

Submit to the Symphony: Want to be a part of next week's edition? Check out this post for submission help. Entries should always be sent to bestofme@jpeacock.net regardless of who the Symphony host is.

Spread the word: Webloggers, please give Dan a hand by spreading the word. The Symphony is a bit 'lean' this week so we could definitely use a bit of help here.

Email Reminders: If you'd like to be sent a reminder about the Symphony, drop me a line at this address. It's not a mailing list, just me sending out friendly little reminders. There'll be one on Thursday or Friday to remind you to submit for the next Symphony and one on Monday with the location of the newly posted Symphony.

Posted by: Jim at 07:22 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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The more you eat, the more you fart.
The more you fart, the better you feel.
So eat cheese with every meal.

It's Friday, so bring out The Cheddar X! more...

Posted by: Jim at 11:12 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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It's been a while since I expressed my appreciation to the homosexual men in the world. Not you bi fellas! Y'all are icky. But gay men? Damn, do we straights owe you guys.

I don't understand why some hetero guys are gay haters. Don't you guys get it? You owe the gay guys a round of thanks too! I see you're confused so I'll take it a step backwards and start with an anecdote.

Iv, our next door neighbor's son, is gay. He's also a smoking hot specimen of male boditude with the sweetest personality you could imagine. He makes Lovely Wife and all of her lady friends weak in the knees. Unappologetically. They brag about it. Hell, if I ever decide to switch teams I am going to be so all over him it'll be pathetic. more...

Posted by: Jim at 10:47 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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1 I don't think I was ever so depressed in my life as I was when I walked into a gay bar for the first time and realized, "This is what happened to all the good-looking ones . . . ."

Posted by: ilyka at February 07, 2004 05:12 PM (izQNB)

2 Wow, I have to think you have a great attitude.. but don't forget what else helps you guys out.. I have a gay friend- I prefer him over my girlfriends because he does not pose competition for me..lol but aside from that, I can tell him all my male frustrations and ask questions, and he shoots it straight to me from a mans point of view, but in the fashion a girlfriend would. I am totally getting a male education here lol. I can then use that to be a better gal to whatever man deserves my attention

Posted by: cutetxblonde at February 08, 2004 03:05 PM (qX++Q)

3 Ahuh....I love those gay men.But I hate them,too.As mentioned by Jim,all goodlooking guys are either GAY or MARRIED!But the gays are the coolest because nothing brings me more pleasure them to stand with IV in our parkinglot,ratting about...yeah you got it,baby!...MEN!Ha...NOONE else kan give you the male and female version of male-bashing as good as a gay men.Yeah baby...and since we are married and therefore concidered dead...all me and my girls here have is the eye-candy that comes in form of....yup...GAY MEN! I love it!!

Posted by: LW at February 08, 2004 08:50 PM (saeHM)

4 Yuck...look at all my typos!Thats how excited I get by the subject...

Posted by: LW at February 08, 2004 08:53 PM (saeHM)

5 Having spent the first 25 years of my life in the bay area, i can say that gay men are a blessing and a curse to women.

Posted by: annika at February 09, 2004 04:53 AM (8pF2y)

6 Gay men are helpful to me, too, because they decorate things with flowers.

Posted by: Trey Givens at February 09, 2004 05:32 PM (Fo1B/)

7 And that's much better than a wolf print on velvet, eh?

Posted by: Jim at February 09, 2004 08:03 PM (saeHM)

8 That is truly a phenomenon that boggles the mind.

Posted by: Trey Givens at February 10, 2004 06:50 PM (rWEDR)

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Submissions for the Bestofme Symphony, that is. Get your minds out of the gutter - y'all are naughty.

Send your submissions to bestofme@jpeacock.net and they'll be in the Feb 09 edition at Pragmatic Conservatism.

Remember, the only requirements are that you think the post is good and that it be at least 2 months old. Don't have your own blog? Borrow somebody elses. Just send in a post from one of your favorites.

Posted by: Jim at 04:39 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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The Letter of the Day is "A".

"A" is for Absent. While the serpent's away, the mice will play. Like I just did when I posted the Letter of the Day over at Electric Venom.

(That mean's I'm a guest poster over at Kate's place.)

(This post almost came out as a rhyme. You can thank me later for my restraint.)

Posted by: Jim at 03:41 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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So that full bladder feeling starts up. You know the one - it says "It's about time to head on over to the can. We're approaching terminal capacity here." So I do what any normal male would. I ignore it for a while. Let that sucker build up a bit. You know - get the fire hose up to pressure. I'm at work, see? Work has many benefits including health care, salary, job satisfaction...and urinals.

Yes, urinals. Urinals are a gentleman's playground. At home we have the shitter sitter. That classic low slung all purpose throne. It works great for the ladies and even guys would be lost without it but it has drawbacks. For a crap it's got everything you could want. For a piss it is less than satisfactory. You have two basic choices - sit or stand. If you sit for a pee you are automatically docked a minimum of 5 Guy Points. Sitting is for toddlers and men afraid of their women. A guy really has only one valid choice - the stand. more...

Posted by: Jim at 12:25 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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1 .....oh, the chaos that can ensue from an uncontrollable double stream is the stuff of nightmares..... AT LAST! Someone who knows the horrors of the double stream!

Posted by: Mike the Marine at February 06, 2004 03:57 PM (IOX+E)

2 Sitting to pee? No. No that won't do at all. I had a potential housemate once inform me that nobody was allowed to stand and pee because it made a mess. Suffice it to say that I didn't move in there because ain't nobody telling me how to handle my bladdatory business! And yes, bladdatory is another new word. You can use it but you can't have it!

Posted by: Johnny Huh? at February 06, 2004 03:59 PM (AyewP)

3 "Bladdatory"...I like that. Mike, double stream syndrome (DSS) only seems to affect persons of exceptional length and girth. That's probably why we don't hear too many other guys talking about it.

Posted by: Jim at February 06, 2004 05:25 PM (IOwam)

4 LMAO.. I am sorry to laugh at your experience- it indeed is not funny, but I had to giggle a bit here.. on the flip side, I now have a better understanding of the turmoil men experience using the "sitter." I shall nag less about overspray issues. Just keep in mind though, that we ladies have our issues too.. when there is NO toilet about.. oh God I dont want to even think on it..LOL DSS.. thanks for the new term.. shall put that on my official dating application. *inner dialogue.. ohh he checked yes to having DSS.. potential suiter, approved.*

Posted by: cutetxblonde at February 08, 2004 03:17 PM (qX++Q)

5 If only one woman takes a kinder, more gentle approach towards MUI (male urination issues) then my work here has been successful.

Posted by: Jim at February 09, 2004 05:46 AM (saeHM)

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The Letter of the Day is was "Z".

"Z" is for Zephyr. Watch as Trey turns Dean's big wind into so many tiny zephyrs.

Posted by: Jim at 09:51 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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The Scene: Dopple-G and I are eating lunch and discussing the 7 year old who was suspended for saying 'hell'.

Dopple-G: You've got to be a little nervous about stuff like this, right? I mean, Bear's about to enter the vaunted public school system.

Me: Yeah, it's a definite concern.

Dopple-G: But he doesn't have a potty mouth, right?

Me: Nah. In fact, he does a good job keeping Lovely Wife and I straight. He does play The Butt Game with me though. more...

Posted by: Jim at 11:38 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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1 i realize the new templates been up for a while now, but i just wanted to say how excited i am you picked this one. i was secretly hoping you would back when you had all three up to choose from. Yay!

Posted by: jay at February 05, 2004 11:52 PM (vV+gc)

2 I AM CORHOLIO! I come from Lake Titicaca. My people - they have no bunghole.... ARE YOU THREATENING ME?!? Are you threatening my BUNGHOLIO?!?!

Posted by: Mike the Marine at February 06, 2004 09:02 AM (Zw7Hl)

3 The Butt game is cool, but not nearly as fun as the faahrt game. Sheew wee honey, you rotten - I wanna divorce.

Posted by: Clancy at February 06, 2004 11:43 AM (EGVPL)

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Patient: Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home.

Doctor: That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.

Patient: Tom Jones Syndrome? I've never heard of that. Is it rare?

Doctor: It's Not Unusual.

Ba-dum-bum

Posted by: Jim at 02:48 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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From Zero Tolerance for Violence in Schools blogged at Zero Intelligence.

And just last Friday, Janae Thorpe claims she was trying to break up a fight between her sister Ashley and another student at Groves High School when Janae was stabbed in the eye with a pen. All three girls were suspended and are also awaiting an expulsion hearing. "I didn't do anything," said Janae, who feels the school's policy is "stupid."

Posted by: Jim at 12:20 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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If Michele gets that laptop so she can cover the Republican convention in NYC I am so going to buy this T-shirt for her.

Posted by: Jim at 11:39 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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The iGrill, from George Foreman.

Posted by: Jim at 11:21 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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