Please, please, oh please, go to this guest post at Lovely Wife's blog and say how very much you agree with the poster. Don't forget to throw a "Yay" in the comments, just to make it official.

Thank you. The check is in the mail.

UPDATE: Never mind, y'all. LW purged and closed the comments as it was getting way too serious. My thanks to the ones who figured out it was humor, though!

Posted by: Jim at 08:38 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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Remember this picture?

(Click for biggie size)

Even though I'm most of a week late, winners have indeed been selected. Look on the bright side; when I'm late with one of these it gives more people a chance to participate!

First place (5 points): The social worker approached the shirtless boy. "Just take one more step, pretty boy..."
Simon

Second place (3 points): There was so much pee in the kiddies pool that even the water pistol turned yellow.
Spirit Fingers

Third place (1 point): "This is my rifle, this is my gun..."
diamond dave

Okay, so I'm pretty loose on my definition for "caption". It comes down to what tickles my funny bone.

Posted by: Jim at 08:33 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Dotfart.

I don't think there's anything else to say about it, really.

(Thanks for the link, Helen!)

Posted by: Jim at 08:09 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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D-D-Did I say Cam-Cam-C-C-C-C-Cambodia?

Posted by: Jim at 07:57 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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1 Hehe, I knew that guy looked familiar

Posted by: Jacqui at August 25, 2004 04:49 PM (hJm9t)

2 And I swear I posted my comment before I saw the next picture! Whoops!

Posted by: Jacqui at August 25, 2004 04:50 PM (hJm9t)

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I-I served in Viet-Viet-V-V-V-Vietnam!

Posted by: Jim at 11:44 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Jeff Quinton is looking to map out bloggers who've served in the US Armed Forces. That's any of the big five plus reserves, guards, etc. Montana militias need not apply. See his post for details.

For myself, I was US Navy Reserve from 1987 to 1995. About a quarter of it was in activated status (Desert Shield/Storm) and I was an Operating Room Technician, Hospital Corpsman attached to a mobile Fleet Hospital unit (like M*A*S*H but with hotter nurses).

POINTS: Name the group that made the lyric above a pop hit for 2 points. Name the lead singer of the group for a bonus point. No searching, y'all!

Posted by: Jim at 09:08 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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Minutes spent listening to NPR this morning: 27
Number of times Abu Ghraib prisoner abuses were mentioned: 4
Coming up with new cuss phrase "lefty francostein news bitches": Priceless

I was particularly impressed by an exchange between the stateside newsposer and the man on the street reporter in Iraq, which I'll paraphrase:

Stateside Newsposer: I understand that there was terrific fighting in Najaf and large sections of the city are without power, water and phone service while Hakuna Ma-sadr's private army hides in one of Islam's most holy sites. But today is also the anniversary of something that is being noted here in the States and all over the world. A year ago today the United Nations building in Baghdad was bombed. Is that anniversary being noted in Iraq?

Man On The Street: No. The Iraqi's couldn't honestly give a good fuck about a single bomb that went off a year ago. You schmuck.*

Kudos to the man on the street in Iraq.

* The "you schmuck" part was implied in his tone and the 3 seconds of stunned silence before he answered the question.

Unrelated: Is there any mosque, plaza, pizzeria, etc in Iraq that isn't "one of Islam's most holy sites"?

Posted by: Jim at 08:39 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Students allege liberal bias

Ruth Malhotra is a student at Georgia Institute of Technology. When she told her instructor that she would be missing her public policy class to attend a conservative political conference her instructor replied that Ruth would be failing her class.

Malhotra ... ultimately filed a grievance with the school, saying the professor used her public policy class to push her outspokenly liberal viewpoints on students.



"WeÂ’re there to learn the foundations of policy, not the professorsÂ’ personal platforms," said Malhotra, 20, of Atlanta.

Ruth isn't alone in her persecution. A growing number of conservative students are rebelling against an overwhelming liberal bias on their campuses. The group Students for Academic Freedom collects stories of bias and organizes students to respond. They have over 130 chapters at universities around the country.

Conservative legislators are also moving to help this persecuted minority.

They have proposed a measure that would encourage colleges to present “dissenting sources and viewpoints” in the classroom and to “promote intellectual pluralism” in selecting outside speakers and financing student activities.

...

Republican Rep. Howard P. “Buck” McKeon of California, chairman of the House subcommittee in charge of the reauthorization bill, said the proposals are designed to send a message to liberal academic officials: “You’re using the school in many cases to brainwash and not to educate.”

Posted by: Jim at 02:16 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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...isn't the Bush/Cheny '04 bumper sticker redundant?

Posted by: Jim at 09:38 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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Get those supplies before they run out!

Posted by: Jim at 05:55 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Dateline: Atlanta

Local blogging celebrity Jim Peacock has been profiled in the Atlanta Journal Constitution (annoying registration required, yech). Friends and family admit to being underwhelmed by his stark rise to fame. Mr.Peacock was unavailable for comment but his spokesman Bear Peacock released a tersely worded statement "He's pukey in the toilet. Can I have ice cream?"

New visitors to the site "Snooze Button Dreams" have been advised to examine the right sidebar where sections such as "People Love This Place / Best of Snooze Button Dreams" and "Blogrolls etc / Constant Reads" will expand to show them lists of hyperlinks to some of Mr.Peacock's favorite posts and favorite other bloggers.

This reporter was furnished with a short list of links to items mentioned in the article:

Posts mentioned in the article:

men's room at work

sour cream

kids in the parental bedroom

the gross guy stuff

dog's fear of water

cog on corporate culture

poetry in the soul

Hunting Todd



Jim's other blogs:

Protomonkey

ZeroIntelligence



Other blogs mentioned in the article:

Suburban Blight (Kelley's blog)

Pork Tornado (Dusty's blog)

Salami Tsunami (Dusty's other blog that he actually gets paid money to write, the lucky bastard.)

In addition, the following posts don't suck too badly:

Dirty White Boy

Learning to Speak

Hot to Trot

Why Oh Why Do I Have To Love Women?

Why Do Elephants Paint Their Tonails Red?

The Infection Spreads

I Sure Do Miss Those O'Grady's Chips

In closing, please do not look at the bageldonut. Seriously, it's nasty.

Posted by: Jim at 08:15 AM | Comments (16) | Add Comment
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1 He stole my Walter Mitty punchline! Nice story, babe. It really makes you sound like a clever, well-versed, well-thought of blogger. The bribe worked, eh? Just kidding-you know you're my man. Even if I didn't get a mention in your article. It's ok. I know where I stand now. My kidneys are going to Simon and RP. Hey-we all have a price.

Posted by: Helen at August 17, 2004 08:29 AM (mjc0R)

2 Yay! That's actually quite an insightful read although I disagree with the statement that you are occasionally purile ... frequently yes, but not occasionally ;-)

Posted by: Robert at August 17, 2004 09:03 AM (kXZI6)

3 That's okay, Helen. I shouldn't need your kidneys anyway. I'm more interested in other body parts. >;-) Robert, those were my thoughts exactly! I mean how many posts about pooping do I have to put up there before I'm truly recognized for the puerile hack that I am?

Posted by: Jim at August 17, 2004 09:26 AM (IOwam)

4 Why don't you two love birds get a room...... :-P Nice article.:-)

Posted by: LW at August 17, 2004 11:15 AM (q6E0D)

5 That was an annoying registration process, but was totally worth it. Yay, Jim!!! Great article! I think you deserve the recognition. Oh, and Helen, thanks for the kidney. I am very grateful.

Posted by: RP at August 17, 2004 12:02 PM (LlPKh)

6 "blog that he actually gets paid money to write" That's odd... the words LOOK like English, but I don't understand that phrase

Posted by: Harvey at August 17, 2004 01:58 PM (tJfh1)

7 Congratulations, Jim! I'm so proud of you. You're representin', babaaay. Oh, and I'll tell the AJC that I'm really not interested in a subscription unless and until you get a byline.

Posted by: Emma at August 17, 2004 02:52 PM (NOZuy)

8 It's true, Harvey! And he got it without Wonkettish ass sex stories too. There is hope for us all.

Posted by: Jim at August 17, 2004 02:55 PM (IOwam)

9 It took a while to load but OH. Those babies are so darned adorable!

Posted by: Emma at August 17, 2004 02:58 PM (NOZuy)

10 Truly amazing...will wonders never cease!!

Posted by: mitzi at August 17, 2004 11:01 PM (d5HaF)

11 How did you get the kids to stand still like that for 3 seconds? It's a great article; it makes you sound, well, almost normal. And I've got a kidney coming to me! So it's a real win-win thing...

Posted by: Simon at August 18, 2004 01:07 AM (OyeEA)

12 Emma - Yeah, they took their horns off and everything for the photographer! mitzi - let's hope not! Simon, the secret is in the bribery. In this case it was scooters.

Posted by: Jim at August 18, 2004 05:24 AM (q6E0D)

13 Ah! Jim! You're famous! Some guy commented on my blog thusly: "So, I get Google News Alerts for "Ayn Rand." Today their was a link to an article in the Atlanta Journal Constitution (http://www.ajc.com/metro/content/metro/gwinnett/0804/17blogger.html) about a guy who's a blogger. In the article it states, "Since he started posting, other bloggers have turned him on to objectivism and the writing of Ayn Rand." So, I went to the blogger guy's website: (www.snoozebuttondreams.com) and I looked over on the side where he had other blogs listed and yours was among them! Very cool! Maybe this will increase traffic flow to your site!" I guess he doesn't know that *I* take partial credit for turning you on to Rand! Sorry haven't been keeping up with the blog. That will have to change.

Posted by: Don at August 18, 2004 08:31 AM (e6au8)

14 Congrats! We are in esteemed company indeed.

Posted by: Spirit Fingers at August 18, 2004 09:40 AM (/rjc8)

15 Congrats Jim! I wish I could actually see the article..but it won't let me register from out of the country....

Posted by: Rachel Ann at August 18, 2004 10:03 AM (8T53U)

16 That's right, Don. You were the first objectivist I had regular discourse with. That seems like forever ago, doesn't it? Rachel Ann - That disparity has been corrected. Check your mail. ;-)

Posted by: Jim at August 18, 2004 10:10 AM (IOwam)

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Set 'em up, knock 'em down. That's what Lovely Wife and Trey did with a couple of posts yesterday.

Start with Lovely Wife's post about a conversation with an intolerant neighbor and then read Trey's contribution. Lovely Wife's post is funny and serious, Trey's bumps it up to seriously funny.

And Trey? It was a "Mrs." Nipple Clamps. The folks at our table were stunnable but they're of the "live and let live and/or enjoy manlove" variety.

Posted by: Jim at 08:06 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Tiffani rocks like no other. Thanks to my blogdaughter's largess I stayed up way too late watching this:

(Click for biggie size)

Scarface is one of my all time favorite movies. You need to ignore all of the white actors with bad accents playing Cubans. Seriously, y'all - who the hell cast Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio? She's too white to play most white people. And once you get past the amazing amounts of gratuitous violence (chainsaw. bathtub. 'nuff said) you're left with a wonderful tale of an immigrant who saw the American Dream and reached out to take it with both hands. Both hands, a submachinegun and a few keys of yeyo up the nose. But you get the picture.

Thank you, Tiffani!

Posted by: Jim at 07:41 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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"Move it back and forth! If all you are doing is sucking on it you aren't doing it right."

(Redemption is in the extended entry. Or at least a defense.) more...

Posted by: Jim at 07:22 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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I demand accolades for my inhuman restraint.

Sign seen as Boston Garden:

All salads may be tossed fresh at your request.

Posted by: Jim at 01:50 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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1 Nothing like a freshly tossed salad.

Posted by: pylorns at August 16, 2004 02:18 PM (FTYER)

2 Heh. On Friday nights I wear a similar shirt but, instead of salads, it refers to cookies.

Posted by: Venomous Kate at August 16, 2004 04:10 PM (VYtD5)

3 Garçon! Toss my salad! Oh, to be able to shout that across a crowded room! The worst I've ever done was chastise a woman for eating all of the lime jello at a buffet.

Posted by: Emma at August 16, 2004 04:15 PM (NOZuy)

4 I doff my hat to you, sir. You are a scholar and a gentleman. [Note to self: if eating over at Jim's, smile and pass on the salad]

Posted by: RP at August 16, 2004 04:32 PM (LlPKh)

5 Do you get to name the target?

Posted by: Rachel Ann at August 16, 2004 05:19 PM (8T53U)

6 I never knew people could find salad so attractive. Curious.

Posted by: Helen at August 17, 2004 05:01 AM (mjc0R)

7 Only if it's done right, Helen.

Posted by: RP at August 17, 2004 06:34 AM (X3Lfs)

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The Scene: Garret and I are on our way into work. He's wearing some new duds and talking about his shopping experience.

Garret: So even though they had a huge display of dress shirts they were all pointed collars.

Me: Maybe there's a reason that you can't find button down collars anywhere. Maybe they're a fashion no-no.

Garret: If you're not wearing a tie then a pointed collar isn't doing you much good.

Me: Or maybe they're just so popular they can't keep them in stock.

Garret: Yeah, right. I'm sure that's the reason.

Me: Or maybe it's because you're only going to factory outlets and they don't need to unload button-downs at those places.

Garret: You could stop now.

Me: But it's probably just because they're a fashion no-no.

The Scene: With Garret, on the way to work. A few minutes later.

Garret: So that was two more white shirts for only $40.

Me: All of your shirts are white?

Garret: Yeah, that's the best color for business shirts.

Me: White - it's the new black. Goes with everything.

Garret: That is such a retarded saying.

Me: What? 'Goes with everything'?

Garret: No, 'the new black'. Nobody in business wears black shirts.

Me: But it does go with everything.

Garret: So what? You might wear a black shirt when you go out but when have you ever seen somebody go to work in one?

Me: Never, I guess. Except for in the movies.

Garret: Exactly.

Me: And even then they only wear black shirts at the evil corporations.

Garret: We're not an evil corporation.

Me: Well, we don't think so anyway.

Garret: Even if we are an evil corporation, only the evil leaders of the corporation wear black shirts. All of the minions are still wearing white shirts.

Me: We're minions?

Garret: Yup.

Me: I always wanted to be a minion. All the evil, none of the guilt.

Posted by: Jim at 09:22 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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The Scene: Jessie and I are relaxing on the couch on Sunday evening after a long weekend of back-breaking labor.

Me: I'm tired. I wish I had a neck brace.

Jessie: What for?

Me: So I wouldn't have to hold my head up.

Jessie: But then your head would always be up. That's no good.

Me: It would be removable. I'd only need it for times like this when I'm tired but need to keep my head up.

Jessie: You're odd.

Me: Yeah, that's what I need. A removable neck brace. Or somebody to stand behind me and hold my head up.

Jessie: Very odd.

There's also a new conversation with Dopple-G at Protomonkey.

Posted by: Jim at 09:20 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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And they say them about me! A few days ago I asked readers to come up with quotes for me and/or my blog. The winners are:

1st Place (5 points): Your blog is like whoa. I could eat it with a spoon. -Spirit Fingers

2nd Place (3 points): Jim makes me want to hit the snoozebutton a few times a day. -Tiffani

3rd Place (1 point): Blogger I'd most like to see naked. -Emma

Honorable Mention: Ha...I have never said one nice word about you...terrible, even more terrible than I usually am... -Ilyka

Those and a couple others are now up on the sidebar under the new "People love this place" section. The "Best Of" has been moved into this section as well.

Enjoy!

Posted by: Jim at 01:07 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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The latest entry at Protomonkey.

Posted by: Jim at 08:08 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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The Scene: Garret and I are driving in to work. Discussion is centered on the new dress policy at work. Garret did some online shopping the night before and was regaling me with how expensive Joseph A Bank shirts are.

Garret: We're talking $65 a shirt!

Me: $65?

Garret: Yeah, and it doesn't come with a blowjob either.

Me: Maybe that's in the pocket.

Garret: Nope.

Me: Damn. For $65 it better stand up by itself.

Garret: And wash and press itself. And then dress you!

Me: Hey, wait a second. Your khakis cost $65. Why is it okay to spend $65 on pants but not on a shirt?

Garret: Because they're pants.

Me: Oh, that just explains everything now doesn't it?

Garret: Pants are more expensive. They cradle, protect and fondle your nads.

Me: Assuming you are wearing your business shirts tucked in, the shirt will be doing that. In fact it will be closer to your nads than the pants.

Garret: [Pauses to give me "the look".]

Me: It's true. Think of the pants as your own hand, holding her hand against your nadular bits.

Garret: [More "look".]

Me: The shirt is her hand.

Garret: Then what are my boxers in this scenario?

Me: They're the chocolate sauce.

I am no longer permitted to discuss shirts while Garret is driving.

Posted by: Jim at 08:04 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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