The most frequent question we get when people discover that we're homeschooling is "But aren't you worried about your boys' social skills"? You know - how are they going to become socially adept without being in a group of their peers?

No, we're not at all worried about that. Contrary to the ready myths, schools are not about socialization. They are really about institutionalization. Where in the world are you regulated in every aspect of thought and deed the way you are in school? Where else are you restricted to dealing only with people the same age as you are? Where else are you given so little autonomy as in school? Take "school socialization" into the adult world and it's as funny as it is ridiculous. The following examples are from an excellent article by Lisa Russell. I can't find the original but Lovely Wife has a copy: more...

Posted by: Jim at 06:50 AM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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We didn't get acquired by the Crimson Permanent Assurance after all. We've been assimilated by the Borg Collective. That might sound scary but it's pretty awesome being on the inside of the all-powerful cube of destruction and menace.

I'm not joking about the assimilation either. A day after the acquisition was announced we were no longer TheCompany. We are now The Duluth Office of the Collective (formerly TheCompany). We will be fully integrated within 90 days. Seriously.

The Collective identified our vertical market (Distribution software) and bought a dominating share of it in less than 5 months. And they're not done. They are currently (right at this very moment) busy assimilating 4 more companies.

Prophet21 was our bogeyman for years. They had financial backing that we couldn't match. When we competed head to head they would undercut us so badly they'd make themselves hemorrhage but they'd steal the sale. They did the same to our sister companies. If you went through the hallways here and said "Prophet21" to somebody you'd likely get the finger and a "fuck you too" back. In the span of just a couple of days Prophet21 has turned from a source of nightmares into a target.

It's good to be the Collective.

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I spent a half hour on the phone today with a recruiter from BigCompany.com, who needs both network admin types as well as QA people. She's sending me some things to look over.

Nothing for forever then as soon as my job isn't being eliminated I get hits. What's up with that?

Posted by: Jim at 01:28 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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UPDATE: This one has suddenly become topical too so I'm topping it.

Some folks have been giving Helen some guff because she's a strong supporter of a certain right-wing weblog. Right off the bat I have a low opinion of them. You get to the point where you think you should be telling other people how to think and you are past the point of rational discourse in my book. What really burns my butt here is the weblog these people are complaining about. You're all familiar with it to some extent because you're reading it right now.

Yeah, isn't that a kick and a half for your ass? Snooze Button Dreams viewed as a right-wing blog?

I ended up at 0,0 on the Political Compass. I voted for Al "Watch Me Implode" Gore, y'all. That's how right-wing I am.

If I had to be pigeon holed into a major party I'd have to pick "fuck you, no I don't either". I am one of those rare breed of citizens who looks at issues instead of parties. All politicians are scum to one extent or another. I firmly believe that there is something fundamentally wrong with anybody who would run for public office. There's a mental disjoin required for anybody to want to be a politician. I am most certainly not going to align myself with any group of fundamentally unsound persons.

There are some parts of a traditional Republican agenda that I agree with. There are some parts of a traditional Democratic agenda that I agree with. Same with Libertarians, Reformists and even a bit of Green. I do not fall neatly (or even sloppily) into any of these groups.

So why do casual viewers think I'm a conservative? There are a couple of reasons that I can think of:

1. I think that Michael Moore is a bag of puss.


2. I absolutely despise the Clintons.


3. I am hawkish on actions in Afghaniraq.


4. I have an American flag in my sidebar. (I've got one on my van too. And two on my house.)


5. I believe that the War on Terror is a real war that we need to pursue vigilantly and mercilessly.


6. I believe that it is wrong to slaughter Jews.

These items have become associated with the Republican party and therefore these people are painting me with the conservative brush. That happens when you rush to a snap decision or when you are small-minded enough that you must stick people into your own preconceived categories. People who have taken the time to know me have discovered why I think that Michael Moore is a bag of puss (because he's a lying bastard), why I despise the Clintons (because they are lying bastards; also, Hillary is one shade light of Stalin), why I'm hawkish on actions in the Middle East (because that is where the terrorists come from), why I have American flags all over (because I love my country; I love being a part of the greatest nation in the world and I am proud to show everybody how much I support her), why I'm so pro-War on Terror (because these people are wrong and evil and won't ever stop until we kill all of them; think mini-Terminators only not so tough), and why I am against killing Jews (do I really need something in the parenthesis for this one?).

Add to that my dislike of waste and big government, my intolerance of idiocy and my perfect willingness to write off any person, group, country or continent that does not agree with the last two items on that list and that probably explains why these people have jumped to the wrong conclusion about my politics.

Who are these people anyway? I don't know them and I doubt I ever will. The reason why is probably another reason that they've incorrectly assumed I'm a right-wing type. If you look at my blogroll you won't see many political blogs but most of the ones you see are right leaning. There is a very good reason for this. I have found leftish blogs to be increasingly strident and angry over the past year. I have lost a few blogs from my blogroll, written by people I liked, because it became painful to read them. I honestly can't hear any more from the Bush Lied crowd. I can't stand hearing explanations of moral equivalence, bashing against America, and hysterical hyperbole about the government any longer. People that polarize and publish to the left just seem to be getting bitchier and bitchier and I'm sick of listening to it.

Besides, I read political blogs mainly for the news perspectives. I can get the lefty slant on news items through Reuters and AP feeds or any number of regular newspapers.

To sum up, if you happen to be one of the people giving Helen a hard time please knock it the hell off. First, you are a jackass for doing it. Second, you are wrong. Third, I really mean it - you are a jackass.

Posted by: Jim at 01:05 PM | Comments (15) | Add Comment
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Ilyka looks at the newsies and finds them wanting.

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His IQ test results rated him at 147. This isn't surprising as there are several acupressure points for increased mental acuity located inside the anus and he has been having his nethers probed with frightening regularity.

UPDATE: My own results show an IQ of 152 so I'm officially retracting the butt probe explanation.

Posted by: Jim at 10:29 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Well, actually not. The new boss is an order of magnitude larger and doesn't need to get rid of Quality Assurance in order to hire another programmer.

My position is no longer being eliminated. Yay!

Now this is no guarantee that my job will remain the same after the acquisition operation plan is cemented. I might be part of a QA group, I might be working from headquarters instead of this building, I might be working on my product and the other major one from my (former) company. We'll know what's happening there by September.

The important thing is I've got a job and will be continuing to have a job.

Thanks to all of you who have assisted in my job search. You've done everything from reviewing my resume to cheering me up to sending me job notices to whoring out my resume at your places of business. You've been absolutely awesome.

You're all invited over for a beer.

Posted by: Jim at 11:45 AM | Comments (13) | Add Comment
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I am working for a new company as of yesterday. Sorry I didn't tell anybody but I didn't know about it until the company meeting a couple of minutes ago.

As of yesterday the company I work for was acquired by a multinational. This is exciting in many ways. Primarily it is exciting because this same multinational has acquired two of our biggest rivals in the past 5 months. The three of us together now form the largest business unit for distribution management in the world. A business unit with a projected revenue of $100 million this year.

I won't really know until tomorrow but it is looking very good that my job has been saved.

Can I get a WHOOP-WHOOP!!!!

POINTS: One point for the first person to source the title of this post (without searching).

Posted by: Jim at 05:59 PM | Comments (14) | Add Comment
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Lovely Wife has her own blog. Oh, yeah.

Go take a look at Flaptrap.

Posted by: Jim at 11:20 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Show me your war face!

(Click for biggie size)

Points: But of course! This will be open for a couple days. Probably to next Monday.

Posted by: Jim at 08:46 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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There's a new entry at Protomonkey and damn is it good. It involves partial nudity and severe pain!

Special points bonus: Name the source for the title of the Protomonkey post and get 2 points. Answers in this post please - Protomonkey itself is a points free zone. Don't forget - no searching for the answer. Thanks!

If you want to be advised whenever a points offer goes up send me an email. I had to take the subscription form off of the sidebar because some jackass was putting in fake email addressess.

Posted by: Jim at 08:39 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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Sunday afternoon we were out enjoying the beautiful weather. [ed - The weather was really, really wonderful. Just ask Kelley.] The wading pool was filling up and the squirt guns were on semi-auto. When the pool had filled I went to the faucet to turn it off and noticed the two sprinklers that had been left by the previous owner (the kind that makes a fan of water that goes up and over and back again, not the 'chut-chut-chut-chut-chut' spin around kind). A light bulb appeared above my head - the boys had never had the experience of running through a sprinkler.

Without delay I set up the first sprinkler in front of the house, just far enough that the spray didn't go onto the front porch. The kids were getting curious and were edging closer to see what was going on. Bear(5) asked me what I was doing. I replied cryptically "Setting up a sprinkler". Okay, so that's not really cryptic to you and me but to somebody who doesn't know what a sprinkler is it is fairly abstruse. He nodded sagely with an "Of course he's setting up a sprinkler. How silly of me to ask" look on his face.

With the sprinkler attached and positioned I went over to the faucet to turn it on. The boys stared eagerly, wonderful anticipation and raw curiosity on their faces. I turned the faucet with a loud "Tah-dah!"

And water dribbled out of the obviously busted sprinkler.

Bacon(3) had a bemused look on his face as if he were looking for the joke and not willing to admit there wasn't one. Bear gave an encouraging "Wow Daddy!" and then walked back to the picnic table. Burger(2) tackled the dog.

Okay, not exactly an unqualified success. I turned the faucet off and switched over to the other sprinkler. I actually took a minute to monkey with this one to get the gear doohickey lined up with the spray whatsit so the water shooter part pointed the right way. (I'm considering a career in sprinkler maintenance. Please send all offers to my regular address.)

With a much subdued "Tah-dah" I turned on the faucet and lo and behold, water shot from the sprinkler like flecks of food from Michael Moore's mouth um...like a fan of dihydrous oxide under a hundred or so pounds of hydrostatic pressure like, like...uh...like water from a garden hose when you put your thumb over the end to make that hard spray fan of water oh, screw it. Water shot out like water from a sprinkler is supposed to shoot out. Unless you're in Pre-K and lived all your life in apartments you should know what the hell water from a sprinkler looks like.

(And just how good are your metaphors at 7:00 o'clock in the morning in a pre-caffeinated state? Yeah, that's what I thought. Bitches.)

The boys gave a gleeful scream of pure excitement and then looked at me with dumbfounded expressions. "What do you do with it, Daddy" asked Bear, apparently the designated vocal representative for the children during this story.

"You run through it" I replied. "Oh!" he exclaimed and then tentatively did so. He was a natural. Well, as natural as Martin Short playing a palsy victim during an epileptic attack would be. He did make it over the sprinkler though and he did get a bit wet and he did get a big smile on his face. Success!

As the other two followed his example and ran through the sprinkling water I went to coil up the hose and make things a bit neater (don't ever forget how anal retentive I am). As I turned toward the flower bed my left foot came down on something sharp. Something really, really sharp. Sharp enough to draw an involuntary naughty word out of my mouth. I jerked my foot up and stood there doing a crane impression while I looked for the sweetgum ball or bramble or thorn that I had just stepped on.

I found a curved piece of glass about two inches long. With blood on it. My blood. I looked at my foot and found it fairly covered in blood. Lovely Wife noticed my giant bird impersonation at about this time and called out to ask if I needed help. I informed her that the lawn was covered in glass caltrops and that if she ever wanted to see her children walk again she would rescue them from this hellish place post haste. Or maybe I just said that I stepped on a piece of glass. I know that I was thinking the former anyway.

She did rescue the children and repositioned the sprinkler on the other side of the lawn for them while I hobbled over to the table and used a towel to staunch the flow of my lifeblood upon the earth. I knew I shouldn't have given blood last Friday. You're just asking for a vascular crisis when you put yourself a pint low.

Lovely Wife brought out the first aid kit and I bandaged up the foot. I won't gross you out about the wound. Suffice to say that the meat in my foot looks remarkably like top sirloin. Ironically, the shard got me in the exact point for "expression of pleasure" on the old acupuncture of the foot chart. I guess that explains the raging erection I've had for the past two days.

To add insult to injury (literally) the boys ran through the sprinkler for approximately one minute and forty-five seconds. They were finished with it before I could even stop bleeding. If it had been Mario's Sprinkler Party game they'd still be playing it.

Posted by: Jim at 08:31 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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A 'brown trout' really is a fish.

I wonder if there's really a 'stink pickle' too.

Posted by: Jim at 07:01 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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It's even wrong on several distinctly different levels: The Wedding Album

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And he is offering his help in the healing process, to whoever might need it.

This is just so out of this world.

He'll be getting whacked in jail. I give him a year tops before some patriotic convict slips a sharpened spoon between his ribs and does what our courts can't seem to do correctly.

(Hat tip to Lovely Wife)

Posted by: Jim at 01:17 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Ninjai, the little ninja.

Okay, so the name isn't all that clever. The flash anime movies are pretty neat though. The story is in a series of a dozen movies, the first 10 are completed.

(Hat tip to Dopple-G)

Posted by: Jim at 09:41 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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1 yeah its been around for quite some time. Pretty good though.

Posted by: pylorns at August 09, 2004 11:03 AM (FTYER)

2 Ninjai's the best come over to the forums and meet us all.

Posted by: Sib at September 04, 2004 11:38 PM (qXxbP)

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Talk about textbook. We've got a name that's really a cross-bred hybrid of two names, the requisite -lyn, the replacement of everything possible with a K or Y. Top it off with no obvious nickname to fall back on (Krys?) and no ethnicity to balance/account for the weirdness, and we may have engineered before you the ultimate bad baby name: simulateously strange, stupid, difficult and boring.

Bad baby names came up in conversation Saturday night at dinner with Trey and The Good Doctor so I was tickled to find Baby's Named a Bad Bad Thing at No.2 Pencil.

Posted by: Jim at 05:50 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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Why not? I'm going to put up a sidebar portion with things people have said about me and/or my blog(s). Here are some examples:

A new high point in the politics of victimization. Or is that low point? Well, it's a point, anyway.
-Instapundit

OH MY GOD. That site is yours? You are fucking AMAZING!
-Everyday Stranger

I love it!! Your style is fantastic and you're very funny
-Rachel Lucas

I'm handing the "king twisted" crown to you.
-Harvey Olson

You may as well change the name snoozebuttondreams.com to glennreynoldsismybitch.com because he's that good.
-Jen

So dig out those cool pithy things you wrote about me the first time you (in trembling amazement at my wit and insight) linked to Snooze Button Dreams (or one of my other blogs) or make up something completely new. Originality is cool, so is creativity.

Whatever quotes get used will be linked so you get a little bonus there. I'll also get the 2004-2005 Points season cranked up by throwing out a couple handfuls of points for the good ones.

Posted by: Jim at 02:36 PM | Comments (16) | Add Comment
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1 I've got a few.... This really isn't praising your blog but your blog causes me to dream about you. That kind of power has to count for something, right? http://itsallaboutde.mu.nu/archives/022716.php Haha! Here is my first post about you..waaaaay back in the day! http://itsallaboutde.mu.nu/archives/022859.php

Posted by: DeAnna at August 06, 2004 03:25 PM (IdVP4)

2 Blogger I'd most like to see naked.

Posted by: Emma at August 06, 2004 04:23 PM (NOZuy)

3 Your blog is like whoa. I could eat it with a spoon.

Posted by: Spirit Fingers at August 07, 2004 05:47 AM (PQuhe)

4 That's me and my language-always bringing it down a level. Still, I love that I am one that will be used in yoru sidebar. Go for it. My language may be course, but the sentiment is real

Posted by: Helen at August 07, 2004 12:08 PM (StHmy)

5 If I had only an hour to live, I'd spend at least 20 minutes of it reading Snooze Button Dreams.

Posted by: Simon at August 08, 2004 12:46 AM (/nM7Z)

6 Ha, I just searched through my old blog and would you believe I have never said one nice word about you? This is really terrible, even more terrible than I usually am to my friends.

Posted by: ilyka at August 08, 2004 03:07 PM (acP4d)

7 Swallow your coffee before reading or your screen may suffer!

Posted by: Rachel Ann at August 08, 2004 03:55 PM (nNonf)

8 Hey, y'know who I kinda? That Snooze Button Dreams guy. Yeah, really! What...?!

Posted by: Tuning Spork at August 08, 2004 08:47 PM (HCv3/)

9 Ooops! It's "who I kinda like..." sheesh.

Posted by: Tuning Spork at August 08, 2004 08:49 PM (HCv3/)

10 Jim: Like a limpdick, can't beat him.

Posted by: pylorns at August 09, 2004 09:24 AM (FTYER)

11 SBD: Convicted? No, never convicted. SBD: All That and a Bag of Chips.

Posted by: RP at August 09, 2004 02:30 PM (LlPKh)

12 Jim makes me want to hit the snoozebutton a few times a day.

Posted by: Tiffani at August 10, 2004 09:04 AM (xpNFK)

13 Just because it's nicknamed SBD doesn't mean it stinks. (BTW, your blogdaughter has the best one. She must've got it from the other side of the family.)

Posted by: Victor at August 11, 2004 11:28 AM (L3qPK)

14 Victor - I'm assuming you mean me. If so thanks - unless of course Jim been pimpin' himself out instead of pimpin' rides...do I have half blog brothers or sisters blogdaddy?

Posted by: Tiffani at August 11, 2004 01:18 PM (xpNFK)

15 Yep, Tiffani, I mean youse. And since you're a Munuvian, you've got a *ton* of blogsista's and blogbro's. Me, for instance.

Posted by: Victor at August 12, 2004 07:36 AM (L3qPK)

16 You've got one full-blooded blogsister in The Bull but she's been AWOL for quite some time. You've got lots and lots of blogcousins though. I've helped at least a half dozen people become MuNus.

Posted by: Jim at August 12, 2004 07:42 AM (IOwam)

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Rachel Ann has uprooted the Willow Tree from Blog*Spottia and planted it in fertile Munuvian soil. Go say 'Hi' and help me welcome my new neighbor.

Posted by: Jim at 05:27 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Scene: Dining area in the Kerry/Edwards tour bus. Big John is behind the table wearing a short sleeve dress shirt (pinstripe, power tie pulled a bit loose, top button undone). He is drinking from his coffee mug (Kerry/Edwards logo on white mug) and watching the scenery go by. He puts the mug down and begins speaking, still watching the landscape zip past.

Kerry: (sadly) Some people are saying some pretty strong things about me. Things that my opponents are starting to pick up and run with. They are questioning my ability to lead and questioning my behavior in the Vietnam theatre. Heck, they aren't questioning - they're practically yelling it at the tops of their voices.

Big John turns to face the camera. He picks up the coffee, takes a swig, puts it down. The slightly sad look on his face is replaced with a bemused grin.

Kerry: Good! Those individuals are Americans and they are entitled to their opinions. What's more, as Americans they are entitled to say them out loud, on the radio, on the television, on the Internet, wherever and however they can. That is what America is about and I applaud them for taking a stand about something they believe strongly in.

But those are opinions that they are saying. My opinions are markedly different from theirs. My friends and supporters have very different opinions. The men who served on my boats with me while I was in Vietnam sure aren't voicing opinions like theirs. The good people of Massachusets who have elected me to almost two decades of service in the United States Senate certainly have different opinions.

Now we might not state our opinions so...forcefully, but we believe in them just as strongly. I hope that their message won't make you feel pressured into making your own opinion. I hope that you'll take the time to get to know me a bit before you take anybody else's opinion as your own.

Thank you, America.

Big John picks up the mug again and takes a sip as he turns back to the window to look out at the passing amber waves of grain. Cue mellow version of campaign rock song. Voiceover with legal mumbo jumbo.

(Link via Ace of Spades)

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