I'm pretty used to getting a couple of comments a week on the original Pimp My Ride post. What's surprised me in the past week or so are comments asking me to pimp somebody's ride and these comments are actually on Pimp My Ride posts that ridicule people for asking me to pimp their rides.

How.Stupid.Are.These.People?

As they didn't follow the established form and they commented on different posts I'll follow their leads and give some freeform responses.

Name: mikime jackson

mtv please pimp my ride my sitter have a old jeep she got for collage in it got no radio, the handle to the were you put it in park and drive is broken off, the back seats are kinda dirty, the air dont work, and the platic windows keep comming off. the zippers are to rusty so they wont zip up. please please please pimp my ride zip code xxxxx galevston 7200 xxxxxx lane apt#xxxx

Mikime lives in 'galevston', which I believe is in Texas. If anybody from Texas is reading here, please go smack Mikime in the head. Thanks. more...

Posted by: Jim at 11:21 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
Post contains 1001 words, total size 6 kb.

There was a brief period when it was in doubt whether Moore's movie would be eligible for the award. It was broadcast in Cuba recently and the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has a rule that a documentary cannot be broadcast on TV or Internet for 9 months after theatrical release. The Academy has decided that F911 is still eligible.

Realistically that's the only decision they could have made. The Cuban government broadcast the movie illegally. You really can't disqualify a movie because a hostile foreign power pirated it. What you can do is ask why governments like Communist Cuba and terrorist organizations like Fatah are distributing the movie but that's neither here nor there.

This decision will, of course, guarantee that F911 will win the award for best documentary. The culture in Hollywood is such that it is a sure thing. They'll wait until the ceremony to make it official but Mikey can clear off some discarded KFC buckets from the shelf right now to get a spot ready, should he choose to be proactive.

I had always thought that documentaries were supposed to be truthful. Sadly, that's not the case. Although every dictionary in the world indicates that a documentary should be a collection of truths the Academy does not. Jen detailed this nicely a while back. Here's some excerpted bits (emphasis mine):

Encarta: giving facts and information rather than telling a fictional story

Dictionary.com: Presenting facts objectively without editorializing or inserting fictional matter, as in a book or film; A work, such as a film or television program, presenting political, social, or historical subject matter in a factual and informative manner and often consisting of actual news films or interviews accompanied by narration.

Miriam-Webster: of, relating to, or employing documentation in literature or art; broadly : FACTUAL, OBJECTIVE (a documentary film of the war)

The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences: An eligible documentary film is defined as a theatrically released non-fiction motion picture dealing creatively with cultural, artistic, historical, social, scientific, economic or other subjects. It may be photographed in actual occurrence, or may employ partial re-enactment, stock footage, stills, animation, stop-motion or other techniques, as long as the emphasis is on fact and not on fiction.

Essentially the Academy redefines documentary to substitute "creative" for "objective" and "emphasis on fact" for "factual".

Factual? We can't do that! That would be boring! Just make sure that there are a couple of facts in there somewhere. For the rest, get creative.

If you want to find dictionary definitions for Moore's movie it isn't very hard. This one fits very well:

the spreading of ideas, information, or rumor for the purpose of helping or injuring an institution, a cause, or a person; ideas, facts, or allegations spread deliberately to further one's cause or to damage an opposing cause; deceptive or distorted information that is systematically spread.

That's the definition of propaganda.

(News bit gleaned from Phillip Coons)

Posted by: Jim at 07:47 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
Post contains 506 words, total size 4 kb.

Awards are way, way down at the bottom of the extended entry of the post. Sort of like the way they save Best Picture for last.

The winning entries
1st place (5 points): Helen with "Social services intervened when it was revealed a local couple made their children fight to the death, all for the prize of just being able to wear a shirt."
2nd place (3 points): Emma with "Whatever doesn't kill them before they are ten will be a fine personality trait when they are 30."
3rd place (1 points): Simon with "No children were harmed in the production of this story."

Emma gets honorable mention and a bonus point for offering to babysit the spawn my kids. Victor gets a point for his excellent impersonation of a French politician. more...

Posted by: Jim at 11:58 AM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
Post contains 411 words, total size 5 kb.

UPDATES:

More info from Photodude. Reid is the fellow who got resolution last month when this problem first surfaced. (Only Atlas happened to be lying out of their ass then, of course.)

Chief Wiggles has an update too. In brief, Operation Give (OG) is in contact with the Georgia State Attorney's office, they are getting legal counsel here (chances are good for pro bono), at this time only Atlas Line can actually prove where any money is and they aren't talking, the goods in the two containers stuck in Kuwait are going to be transhipped by the US military so the donated items will get to where they need to be and OG will stop incurring daily fees for the containers sitting in Kuwait.

Atlas Line is a shipping company headquartered here in Atlanta. Click on that link for one of the most painful websites I have seen since late 1997. They are not members of the Atlanta Better Business Bureau and appear to be in violation of Trademark against Atlas Van Line. They have only been in business since July 2002. They also appear to be thieves.

Brief history: Atlas Line was the shipper used by Chief Wiggles and Operation Give to ship three containers of donated goods to Iraq. The first container was delivered and was late coming back. The leery shipper on the other end then required a $10,000 deposit for the containers. Operation Give sent $10,000 to Atlas Line. It turned out that the amount needed was $10,000 per container. Operation Give sent an additional $20,000 to Atlas Line. The $30,000 was never received by the overseas shipper. Operation Give was not refunded.

I called Atlas Line today but was unable to speak to any of the principles. They're all out for the day. I did speak with Mary, who did not want to tell me her last name. She is an Operation Clerk there. She assured me that Atlas did not steal Operation Give's money, checks were sent overseas, they were in fact cashier's checks and Atlas does not now have any of Operation Give's money in their own bank account. According to Mary, they would not have been in business so long if they "ripped people off". I guess Mary thinks that two years is an exceptionally long time.

Like most people who read about this my bullshit detector is going off the scale. To that end I'm more than happy to have sent a missive similar to this post to every local news channel and paper.

Posted by: Jim at 09:14 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
Post contains 427 words, total size 3 kb.

That's right, y'all. In the Commissar's Blogville High School yearbook I was in the Car Club for three years. Hot cars, fast women. That's what it's all about.

Or is it the other way around?

Posted by: Jim at 02:28 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 43 words, total size 1 kb.

A note for those who think the USA really needs to take a page from France's book:

in just over two hundred years France has burned its way through two kingdoms, two empires, an occupation government, and four republics.

As Pixy notes, certain other countries have maintained the same stable and strong governments over that time period.

Posted by: Jim at 02:02 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 69 words, total size 1 kb.

Here's an interesting game that Dopple-G sent me. Catch the wad and toss it in the wicker, so to speak.

Posted by: Jim at 10:27 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 30 words, total size 1 kb.

She became a moderator for the local Freecycle group. That's where we got our big-ass gas grill (say that five times fast), ping-pong table and magnolia trees (all for free). Anyway, the local paper interviewed her and another moderator about the group and the article was published today.

Way to go, Baby!

Posted by: Jim at 10:16 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
Post contains 62 words, total size 1 kb.

There's a new item up at Protomonkey. Enjoy!

Feel free to subscribe to the notify list over there (in the sidebar). I'll announce the next couple of entries here but after a few weeks it'll be on its own.

Posted by: Jim at 09:56 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 45 words, total size 1 kb.

Jesus Mohamed was a streetie we encountered occasionally on our treks through Berkeley. Jesus Mohamed wore a natty robe and not much else and he SPOKE IN CAPITAL LETTERS. He was VERY CONCERNED about the environment and the fact that we young people DID NOT GIVE A RIP. He had MANY PLANS to save the world, if only the TEACHERS AND RICH PEOPLE would listen to him.

Why do I mention Jesus Mohamed here? Well, apparently he figured out how to use a computer because this nut who wants me to Pimp his Ride sounds exactly like him. The 'ride' in question is his wheelchair. Wouldn't it be freaky if this really was him? Maybe a few years ago he got hit by a car so he's in a wheelchair now. Maybe the kindly tree huggers out there in Berkeley took pity on the poor soul, brought him to the library and showed him how to use the computer so he could share his message with the world instead of just the Navy pukes on their way to dorm parties where they would steal away all of the hot co-eds from the hemp sandal guys.

In any case, I can't take the chance of being polite to this guy. As there's an outside chance that it's really Jesus Mohamed I have a tradition to uphold. His incredibly long and rambling messages are in the extended entry. Due to their length and general meaninglessness (is that a word? it should be) I've summarized for him:

From: Terral Green

PEOPLE CALL,ME THE THINKER,BECAUSE I,THINK A,LOT,,,,I AM,A,VET,THE,MILITARY,KIND NOT THE ANIMAL KIND I LOVE ANIMALS I HAVE THOUGHT OF 46 THINGS BUT THE RICH PEOPLE WONT LISTEN,TO ME I RUN THE SYSTEM I WORKED,TWO JOBS,BUT,AM,NOW DISABLED VET,I WANT TO BUILD A CASKET,OUT,OF,GARBAGE,SO OUR KIDS WILL BE HEALTHY,BIG CO LIKE JCPENNY AND USATODAY WON'T DO IT,,,,PIMP MY RIDE IT IS A WHEEL,CHAIR,THANKS,,,THE STORY IS I AM DISABLED I WAS HIT BY A DRUNK DRIVER AND DECAPITATED AND DIED IT WAS OUT OF BODY I MET GOD,PIMP MY WHEEL CHAIR,THANKS,,,,THE THINKER

To which there's really only one applicable response:

From: Xzibit

Subject: Home BOY! What you up to?

Jesus Mohamed, is dat you? I know it you, doggggg!! It's Smappy Mo-D here. You remember me, right? We used to hang out in the grounder park in Berkeley when the punks from the university tried to chase us down, remember? Used to pick lice outta each other's hair and shit? Good times, homey. Good times.

So what you up to now? You said you a Crip now? Man, I hang with the Bloods so I don't know if we can hook up if you know what I'm saying. Can't be having no Cripples on the show neither no how. We owned by AOL and they don't tolerate any of that handi-capable stuff. Prime beef only. Dongs and Hos, know what I'm saying? Can't be showing no ugliflesh on America's channel.

You still in contact with that bitch what wore the tank top and plastic flip-flops all the time? Man, she ran off wit my burrito once. I still wanna find that skank and show her what that burrito meant to me. Never should have married that ho, I tell you what.

Take care homey and don't be a stranger. With email I mean - don't you fuckin come within a state of me in the real world. I got a gat and a posse now. I'm just sayin.

Peace, out!
Xzibit

Is Terral Green really Jesus Mohammed? If not, will Jim be able to determine which of them is more insane? Stay tuned to find out! more...

Posted by: Jim at 09:12 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 1277 words, total size 7 kb.

The Scene: It's dinner time at the Peacock family table. Since it's my Birthday I've spent the past hour assembling a new bike for Jason. No, I'm not exactly sure how that happened either. Anyway, nobody was hungry and it was a celebration day so we skipped dinner and went right into the cake. This sort of made cake the dinner using my well primed kid-logic.

Jason (3): I want ice cream!

Me: No ice cream until you finish your dinner.

Jessie (wife): It's cake, Jim.

Me: Doesn't matter. Cake is dinner so no desert until he eats his cake. [ed - There was just enough chocolate ice cream for a big ol' bowl for daddy later in the evening. This explains my resistance to sharing.]

Jimmy (2): I wan tizzurt!

Jason: I want desert!

Me: You got a bike. You don't need desert. [ed - There was vanilla ice cream left but that belongs to Momma. Although I was weakening by this point I was wise enough not to consider offering the vanilla.]

Jason: Please can I have...

Me: 'May I'

Jason: Please may I have ice cream?

Jimmy: Pease can have tizzurt?

Jeremy (5): Please Daddy?

Me: Well, okay. [ed - There's really no saying no at that point. The combined cuteness of the three of them cuts through any defense like Han Solo's blaster through a wet jawa.]

[Break - Ice cream has been dished out to all 3 children plus Daddy. Momma abstained. All of the chocolate ice cream is gone. Score, Jason 1 - Daddy - 0.]

Jason: I want chocolate!

Me: You have chocolate.

Jason: I want more chocolate!

Me: You've still got cake on your plate. Eat that.

Jason: No. I want more ice cream.

Me: There isn't any more.

Jason: No more ice cream?

Me: No more chocolate. There's only vanilla left. [ed - Damn these inquisitive children and their many questions! What is this, the Inquisition? I am determined that there will be some sort of ice cream left for my own very greedy purposes whilst relaxing before heading off to slumber.]

Jason: Can I have some zafilla? [ed - Jason used to say 'tamilla' for vanilla. He can say 'vanilla' with no problem now but subs in different letters out of his unshakeable sense of tradition as well as a desire to irritate me. It doesn't work - I pretend to be annoyed but I really think it's cute as hell.]

Me: That's Mommy's. You'll have to ask her.

Jason: Momma, can I have some familla ice cream?

Jessie: You need to ask your Daddy. He'll have to go get it. [ed - I am the official ice cream scooper of the household. Proper scoopage of decently frozen ice cream requires manly upper arm strength or one of those heated scoopers. Only losers use heated scoopers.]

Jason: Daddy, can I have some rabilla ice cream?

Me: No.

Jason: (shocked silence)

Jeremy: Burn!!

[Final score: Jason 1, Daddy 1. I retire with the tie - no need to press my luck on such a festive occasion.

I ended up not having any ice cream that evening. But I could have!! Go me!]

Posted by: Jim at 05:56 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 255 words, total size 3 kb.

Happy Belated Blogiversary to Ilyka!

Yeah, I'm a few days late. So what? She was late first!

Posted by: Jim at 09:23 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 21 words, total size 1 kb.

Yup, sometime around the very end of November 1968 or very early December of the same year my Mom got knocked up. Each 2nd of August we celebrate one of the two instances where we're reasonably certain that two of the people I care deeply about both got laid.

Congrats Mom and Dad on this 35.75th anniversary of your "lucky" day!

Update: It's a celebration for Serenity's folks too!

Posted by: Jim at 09:13 AM | Comments (15) | Add Comment
Post contains 79 words, total size 1 kb.

1 It's either you or a sibling and based on your obscure reference I'm betting you hope to make people think it's you, but in fact it is your sibling. But then again, maybe youÂ’re playing the reverse reverse. So... let me be the first to say, Happy Birthday, Jim!

Posted by: Clancy at August 02, 2004 10:03 AM (EGVPL)

2 I can say that you're definitely not infactually discorrect! I think... Anyway, thanks Clancy!

Posted by: Jim at August 02, 2004 10:06 AM (IOwam)

3 Well happy birthday then Jim! Hope you are having a great time! Until 120 years all in great health of body, mind, heart and soul. (and congrats to your mom and dad for surviving your unique sense of humor.)

Posted by: Rachel Ann at August 02, 2004 11:22 AM (VX0Dx)

4 ewww wrinkled old ball sex...

Posted by: pylorns at August 02, 2004 12:18 PM (FTYER)

5 hat tip to happy gilmore.. refering to old people having sex.

Posted by: pylorns at August 02, 2004 12:20 PM (FTYER)

6 Happy Birthday!

Posted by: Linda at August 02, 2004 01:12 PM (9Pzdi)

7 Let me pile on and send to you my very best birthday wishes! And thanks to everyone who figured out his little code, which was beyond me when I first looked at it!

Posted by: RP at August 02, 2004 01:22 PM (LlPKh)

8 Happy Birthday - Blogdaddy.

Posted by: Tiffani at August 02, 2004 03:19 PM (xpNFK)

9 I just worked out what you're talking about. May I be one of the latest to say EUGH!!! Oh and happy birthday! Crack a cold one for me...

Posted by: Robert at August 02, 2004 06:20 PM (BWDMP)

10 Congratulations to your parental units (and thanks for the lovely imagery) and Happy Birthday, Big Daddy! I think. Gad, I feel stoopid. Eh. Isn't the first time, won't be the last. Love, Em

Posted by: Emma at August 02, 2004 08:06 PM (NOZuy)

11 Happy birthday Jim, and thanks for that wonderful earwig of a euphamism. :-D

Posted by: tommy at August 02, 2004 08:08 PM (pMauK)

12 that should have been euphemism, oh lord of grammar.

Posted by: tommy at August 02, 2004 08:09 PM (pMauK)

13 I thought I'd posted a happy birthday comment, but must've been all those drugs I did in the 60's. Sorry HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Posted by: Helen at August 03, 2004 03:41 AM (pS7+B)

14 Why would you associated your birthday, a happy and joyous day, with the thought that your parents were doing the wild thing? Why, damnit, why? Congrats anyway. To think your Mum thought you'd be lucky to make it to 10.

Posted by: Simon at August 03, 2004 05:08 AM (OyeEA)

15 HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: mitzi at August 03, 2004 07:12 AM (CrL2L)

Hide Comments | Add Comment