No, I'm not suggesting we serve up reindeer fillets. Rudy's still my number one cervidae. The red-nosed freak I'm speaking of is none other than Ronald McDonald.

What in the name of all that is holy were the McDonald's food developers thinking of with this culinary travesty?

Sausage? Yeah, that's a good start. It's a breakfast staple. A thin patty of greasy sausage with an assortment of impregnated unchewable bits is a fine beginning for a breakfast sandwich. Scrambled egg patty? Right on! If it's got eggs in it, it's breakfast. You can add eggs to any normal food and instantly transform it to a proper morning repast. Steak? That's dinner. Steak and eggs? Breakfast! Eggs are just dandy for the breakfast sandwich.

But then they went for a 'unique' change. Something different. Something never tried before. Something that would complement the sausage and eggs in a way never before attempted.

Pancakes.

Yes, pancakes. Pancakes instead of a bagel (good), biscuit (good) or muffin (good). Pancakes with a layer of maple syrup inside them. Cause, you know, nothing goes with greasy sausage and dry eggs quite like the taste of sugary maple syrup.

Oh, the humanity.

You might have guessed by now that I had a sausage and egg sandwich on pancake for breakfast. You'd be correct if you did. Oh, I didn't get it at the clown house - mine was purchased at the breakfast hot plate at QT (gas station / convenience store). I still blame Ronald though because he started it.

Incidentally, when one section of the breakfast hot plate is completely full it is not because they just finished making those particular sandwiches and they are fresh. No, it is because every other customer has already had their own vomit inducing experience with that particular sandwich type and is now avoiding it like the plague.

The aftertaste is exceptional and has proven to be resistant to coffee, water and soda. My mouth tastes like maple grease.

I envy the fellow who was ahead of me in line at QT. His breakfast selection was:

1. A selection of snack-sized packages of pretzels and chips.


2. A large coffee. (Starbucks translator: "venti")


3. A gallon of green generic Kool-Aid style beverage.


4. A pack of cigarettes.


5. A Corona big boy.

Now THAT is a breakfast of champions.

Posted by: Jim at 09:38 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
Post contains 397 words, total size 2 kb.

1 Sounds like my husbands breakfast. Sometimes he'll throw in a hot dog. I had one of those mcgriddles awhile back. It was so disappointing. My kids won't even eat it.

Posted by: Tiffani at January 21, 2005 10:37 AM (KE4Gu)

2 When I was in high school, I seem to recall that we called a Bud and a handful of chips ahoy choc. chip cookies the breakfast of champions. Your noting the change in composition of said breakfast to include all these other things just shows how crazy portion control has gotten and maybe just why we have this obesity problem.

Posted by: RP at January 21, 2005 10:37 AM (LlPKh)

3 I must be a freak. I love the McGriddles but I also love mixing my sausage with my pancakes and syrup.

Posted by: DeAnna at January 21, 2005 03:15 PM (IdVP4)

4 Isn't that what the aliens on "V" ate?

Posted by: Jim at January 21, 2005 03:20 PM (tyQ8y)

5 I tried a McGriddle once. Was totally unimpressed. Sausage McMuffin w/egg is far superior. When they don't leave shell pieces in the egg, of course. IMHO sausage /w pancakes: OK. Eggs w/pancakes: not OK. French toast is acceptable, though.

Posted by: diamond dave at January 21, 2005 05:10 PM (ZCnB7)

6 I like your "Breakfast of Champions" Jim, provided you throw away the first four ingredients.

Posted by: Victor at January 22, 2005 10:48 AM (etHvD)

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