January 03, 2006
I Hate Sports Bars
I wanted to write a post about how much I hate sports bars but I just canÂ’t do it justice. The passionÂ’s not strong enough, and I think itÂ’s because these things are so damned innocuous that people no longer realize theyÂ’re in a sports bar.
As far as I’m concerned they’re cookie-cutter, stereotype shitholes with lousy menus and too many televisions. For some reason most of them have green décor—why I don’t know. Do sports fans only eat chicken wings? Do sports fans have to completely lower their standards of cuisine?
Most sports bars are basically open from lunch to sometime after midnight. There are not enough sports on during that time to fill the slots. ThatÂ’s why half the time their showing goddamned curling.
Hell, I donÂ’t know, maybe itÂ’s just me. I like the NFL. Sixteen games and youÂ’re done with it. But Jesus Christ flipping flapjacks, some people watch the NBA, NCAA basketball, baseball (the all-time most boring spectator sport the world has ever known), hockey, golf, tennis and who knows what else.
Whose life is that empty that they need to completely fill it up with the accomplishments, drama and competition of other people? Because IÂ’m here to tell you, keeping up with all that shit is a full time job. And thatÂ’s not even counting the shit they call sports thatÂ’s not really sports. The stuff that takes no athletic ability like poker and darts. Sports? You must be shittinÂ’ me.
My God, I hate sports bars.
Posted by: Pixy Misa at
01:16 PM
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Whose life is that empty that they need to completely fill it up with the accomplishments, drama and competition of other people?
Mine. I do appreciate you pointing that it out though.
I think I'll go have a good cry now, in the corner, over my extra large bucket of wings and 32oz. Pabst Blue Ribbon draft. Maybe the nice young waitress in skimpy shorts and a wife beater will console me.
Posted by: phin at January 03, 2006 01:33 PM (Xvpen)
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Paul. Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul...Paul.
Seeing as how you're not a subtle guy, it's easy to understand why you think baseball is boring. There are massive subtleties involved in the game that make it a Thinking Man's Sport.
You wanna talk about a boring sport, then talk about golf. You may say golf, because both involve hitting a ball with a stick, is baseball as a not-team sport, but you're wrong. There are no beanballs in golf, there are no bench-clearing brawls in golf, there is no subtlety in golf. Golf is a sport for pussys.
Posted by: Victor at January 03, 2006 01:40 PM (L3qPK)
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Does anyone break a sweat in baseball?
I mean, all that subtlety leads to very slow game.
I'm a huge fan of subtlety in chess, debate, comedy and even sex.
But I can do without it in sports. I like direct, tricky, smooth, diabolical, intense, exhausting and exhilerating traits from a sport. Lawrence Taylor was not subtle--but he was my kind of sportsman.
Yeah, maybe I'm a neanderthal, but I'm certainly not a cro-magnon.
Posted by: Paul at January 03, 2006 02:54 PM (vbP6L)
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What kind of limp-wristed, skirt wearing 'sports' bar serves food? Damn those liberals! They ruin everything!
My bar serves whiskey, beer, scotch, and gin; among others. Not really sure why any normal folk would go to a bar seeking any other kind of repast.
Baseball=lame. But since I am in ACC territory, I am compulsed to watch NCAA basketball ocassionally, and definitely in March.
The only thing I wish my bar had is a fire pit. One day, when I'm filthy stinkin' rich and I need a hobby, I'll open a bar with a fire pit.
Posted by: shank at January 03, 2006 09:03 PM (jfEhX)
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