So, Kansas is in the process of reducing the impact of the Theory of Evolution in their schools. This paves the way to the introduction of Creationism / Intelligent Design. Removing emphasis on the Evolutionary Theory is retarded. Yes it is a theory. So is Gravity. Darwin's brainchild is used today in the real world to do real things. Playing religio-political games with it will have only one realistic effect - stupid kids.

But what about Intelligent Design? I don't see a problem with putting this into school curriculums. School can be a terribly droll place and a bit of humor could really liven things up. Plus it would be one short-assed class with a test everybody was guaranteed to ace. That could be a big help meeting No Child Left Behind requirements.

So what would the class be like? Follow me into a journey into the near future as we attend Biology class at North Kansas Elementary School in the North Kansas City School District, Kansas City, Kansas. In today's lecture (this will be a several lecture series of posts) the kids are introduced to Intelligent Design.

Mr.Balsavage*: Good morning class!

Class: Good morning Mr.Balsavage!

Mr.B: I have a special treat for you today. The Board of Education, in its infinite wisdom, has just mandated instruction in the theory of Intelligent Design!

Class: Yay!

Little Susie: Mr.Balsavage? What is Intelligent Design?

Mr.B: Why, Little Susie. I'm shocked. How could a little girl your age not know about the theory of Intelligent Design? Can anybody help Little Susie?

Bobby: Ooh! I can! I can!

Mr.B: Okay, Bobby. Tell Little Susie what Intelligent Design is all about.

Bobby: Okay, see, it was written in the Bib...

Mr.B: NO! No, no, no! Bobby, you mustn't ever use the "B" word. Especially not when speaking about Intelligent Design. Please continue.

Bobby: Um...okay...um...well, it's like this. In the... I mean at first there was nothing and then Go...

Mr.B: NO! NO! NO! Bobby, if you can't refrain from profane words in your explanation I'm just going to have to have you sit down. Do not EVER use the "G" word when speaking about Intelligent Design.

Bobby: But...

Mr.B: No exceptions. Now get on with it.

Bobby: Okay. Well... Okay, at first there was nothing, then somebody made everything and now we're here in school learning about Intelligent Design!

Mr.B: Perfect! Well, can't really do much better than that so we'll end the course there on a high note. Test tomorrow. Don't be late, no excuses. Class dismissed.

Little Susie: That's it? "Somebody made everything"? That's it?

Mr.B: Pretty much. Class dismissed.

Little Susie: That really stinks.

Mr.B: Now, now, Little Susie. You know we only use the "S" word when talking about hippies.

[Little Susie sits in stunned silence as the rest of the class files out headed for 40 minutes of mayhem in the halls and lots of smoking in the bathrooms since Mr.B dismissed them after only 5 minutes of class.]

Tune in tomorrow for the next exciting episode of Intelligent Design!

* The teacher's name is in honor of the real** Mr.Balsavage, one of my favorite teachers from high school. He had a sharp and dry wit and was a master of sarcasm.
** Any resemblance of characters in this series to real people*** is purely coincidental.
*** Or animals****.
**** Speaking of animals, none were hurt by abandoning the Theory of Evolution for this series.

Incidentally, if anybody is offended by this series...well just don't be. Creationism belongs in the church and I reserve the right to mock it mercilessly anytime people with more faith than brains try to put it in our schools.

Posted by: Jim at 03:23 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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