If you're in the wrong class go to Intelligent Design 101 and catch up.

[Class convenes and Mr.Balsavage gathers up a stack of blank tests from his desk.]

Mr.Balsavage: Good morning class!

Class: Good morning, Mr.Balsavage!

Mr.B: Is everybody ready for the big test?

Class: Yeah!

Little Susie: No, I'm not ready. I have some questions. Mr.B: Yes, Little Susie, what are your questions?

Little Susie: My Mommy says that Intelligent Design is just a politically correct whitewash for Creatio...

Mr.B: Stop! You mustn't use the "C" word, Little Susie. Never, ever use the "C" word.

Little Susie: Okay, but aren't they still the same, no matter what you don't call them?

Mr.B: Oh, no. How misguided your Mommy is. You see, according to the "C" word, the "G" word made the "H" word and Earth in "7" days. Intelligent Design teaches us that an unknown entity created the universe in an unknown amount of time. See? Totally different!

Little Susie: Um...okay. But I still don't understand why we are learning this in science class. We haven't done any experiments like we did when we studied genes or entropy or gravity or anything else. It's like we're just supposed to accept all this on fai..

Mr.B: No! Don't use the "F" word. We mustn't use the "F" word in science class, Little Susie.

Little Susie: I don't understand! [Starts crying]

Mr.B: Oh, there there, dear. Wipe your eyes. I will see if I can explain it for you. I think the problem is that you are confusing proofs with logic. You see, we don't need to do proofs for everything; for many things we use logic.

Little Susie: Logic?

Mr.B: That's right! Logic! Let's see if we can use logic to explain Intelligent Design. First, gather evidence. Is there a world?

Bobby: Yes! We can see it all around us!

Mr.B: Very good! Second, did it come from somewhere?

Bobby: Yes! Everything comes from somewhere. We see that every day too!

Mr.B: Excellent! Now, where did it all come from?

Little Susie: The Big Bang?

Mr.B: Oh, ho ho. Little Susie, you are a treasure. Remember that this is Intelligent Design class. None of those trite theories, please. Anybody else care to hazard a guess?

Bobby: Um...we don't know?

Mr.B: Correct! We don't know. So what we do is we take our knowledge and apply it in a logical fashion to form a hypothesis. In this case our hypothesis is that everything was created by an unknown intelligent being.

Little Susie: But isn't that still just a guess? I mean, logically?

Mr.B: That's why we subject our hypothesis to a logical argument. We try to disprove it. Now, can anybody here prove that everything wasn't created by an unknown intelligent being?

Class: No.

Mr.B: So there you have it! A valid theory that can't be disproved! Isn't that great!

Class: Yay!!

Mr.B: So is everybody ready for that test?

Class: Yeah!

[Mr.Balsavage hands out the test sheets. Each student writes his or her name on it, answers the question and returns it within moments.]

Do you want to take the test yourself? Here it is:

Name:_____________________

1) According to the Theory of Intelligent Design, what is the answer to every question about where anything came from or why it is like it is?

a) An unknown intelligence made it that way.
b) Monkeys got tall and learned to drive sports cars.
c) 42.
d) I refuse to answer this question on religious grounds.
e) God

Stay tuned for the conclusion of Intelligent Design, coming soon to a blog near you.

Posted by: Jim at 01:56 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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