James Lileks asks how to get rid of knives:

A question: how do you get rid of knives? I have three old knives that couldn’t cut through a month old banana, and they’re from a set we no longer use. You can’t throw them out – they poke through the bag and stab the trashman, and I suspect he’s angry at me already. (Every week! I come up with more trash! It never ends!) You can’t drop them in a dumpster.. You can’t drive down by the creek and throw them out the window. Well, you can, and if you roll your window up fast enough you may not hear a jogger shouting SON OF A BITCH! but I don’t advise it.

No, you get knives, youÂ’re stuck.

Knives are easy. You just put them inside old Tupperware. You want to know what is virtually impossible to throw away? A garbage can!

I spent three months trying to throw out a particular garbage can. I ended up cutting it into little pieces with a sawz-all. You just can't discard an essentially intact can. What are you going to do? Put a sign that says "Garbage" on it? Tried that. After you smack yourself in the head you can then try variations like "Please discard", "Take can", "Can is garbage". After a month or so of this stilted speech style note writing you'll tape a veritable letter written in regular English politely requesting that the garbage men please take the can itself. It will be impossible for anybody to misinterpret your intent to discard the can. If they read the note. Which they will not do.

Maybe you could get one of those huge bags they have for Christmas trees. If the can is physically inside a garbage bag that just might do it. Otherwise just chop the bitch up. If it's metal just pound it down into a man-hole cover.

Don't forget to put your old knives in the bottom before you collapse that sucker.

Posted by: Jim at 09:51 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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