I don't know why I can't ignore these things.

1. Sex is best in the morning, afternoon, or night?
In the shank household, sex is best.

2. What side of the bed do you sleep on?
Whichever side The Wife is not sleeping on. And when she's working nights, I sleep my big lanky ass smackdab in the middle.

3. Pork, Beef, or Chicken?
Chicken

4. Have you ever had to pull over on the side of the road to puke?
I've never had to pull over so I could puke, but The Wife had to pull over for me once. When I was in college someone almost had to pull over, but they didn't make it in time. Which was unfortunate for the girl sitting on my lap. We weren't friends to begin with anyways, right?

5. What leg do you put in pants first when pulling them up?
I never pay attention. If I'm putting pants on, I'm probably in a hurry and thinking about something else.

6. Candles or Incense?
Candles. Incense smells like dirty hippies.

7. Do you dance when no one is watching?
Shit, you give me a couple of beers and stroke the old ego and I'll be dancing when people ARE watching. Yeah, it gets pretty bad!

8. Did you play doctor when you were little?
Wait a minute. Is this one of those 'To Catch a Predator' things? Because she told me she was 5 too.

9. Have you ever taken your clothes off for money?
No. But I have definitely taken them off for free. Huzzah!

10. Stove top cooking or microwave?
Depends on what's cooking.

11. Would you rather your car or your house be dirty?
I prefer that neither be dirty. The car is easier to keep clean though. My car is so clean, people literally gasp when I tell them how old it is.

12. Shower or bath?
Showa, bitches!

13. Do you pee in the shower?
Well, if I'm getting into the shower or already in the shower, it sure as hell doesn't make any sense to get out, dry off, and pee; does it?

15. Mexican or Chinese food?
Of the two, I'd prefer Mexican. Maseca makes the best damn tortillas in the world.

16. Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed?
That's a big grey area for me. I don't want to appear crazy aggressive, so I've always waited for signals from the other person. Which, I suppose, makes me passive-aggressive? Wow.

18. Do you own sex toys?
Jesus, these days anything is a sex toy. So to answer your question: Yes, there is a cucumber in my fridge.

19. Corn Dogs or Hot-Dogs?
Hot dogs with chili, cheese, mustard, and slaw. If it's just straight up hot dogs vs corndogs, hot dogs don't stand a chance son.

20. You're favorite restaurant?
My kitchen. It is, hands fucking down, the best place I know of to get great-tasting, healthy, reasonably priced meals. I'm a man of few vices, and I count my blessings that one of them is well-prepared food.

21. What did you have for lunch today?
I don't really eat meals, I tend to graze. Which means that between 10am and 1pm I had a bowl of chicken noodle soup, a serving of yogurt, an orange, and a bottle of Pepsi Max.

22. Which do you prefer, iceberg or romaine lettuce?
Romaine. Better nutritional value. If you're eating iceberg, you might as well be leafy nothing.

23. When did you last fall down?
People this tall don't fall down, becuase falls from this altitude generally result in deadly crushing injuries.

24. Have you ever wished someone were dead?
For a second; and then I just realized that all I really wanted was for them to leave me alone forever.

25. Love or Money?
What's the difference?

26. Credit Cards or cash?
Depends on what I'm buying.

27. Is there someone in your family you wish wasn't?
Nope. They are who they are, and I can't discount the effect they've had on my life. I like who I am now, so I have to appreciate who they are too.

28. Oreos or Vanilla Wafers?
Meh; Oreos?

29. How do you like your steak cooked?
Rare.

30. How do you like your eggs?
Sunny-side up, stacked on top of a couple slices of bacon, sliced tomatoes, salsa, cheese, and a few banana peppers; all between two slices of toast. Now that's what I fuckin' call a Sunday Morning!

31. Have you ever knocked someone off his or her feet in a fight?
Boxing will do that.

32. Football or Baseball?
I played baseball, and sucked. I watch football because the food is good.

33. Would you rather have a root canal or minor surgery?
They both blow donkey dick.

34. Would you ever consider shaving your whole body including your head?
No, because that would be STUPID.

35. Would you rather have head lice or an STD?
Um, wouldn't the both suck ass?

36 What is your favorite candy?
Popsciles. Do they even count?

37) Ever been to a strip club?
Yes.

3 Ever been to a bar?
What. The. Fuck?

39) Ever been kicked out of a bar or a club?
Only because it was closing time; but I'm usually pretty well behaved in public.

40) Ever been so drunk you had to be carried out of somewhere?
No one has carried me anywhere in years. I'm just too ungainly.

41) Kissed someone of the same sex?
Yep. I've kissed one of my best friends on more than one occasion(a kiss on the cheek, you sick fucks!). Guy's like a brother to me, and I see him every few years in between stints to places like Darfur and shit. When he gets back, I'm just glad to see him and know that we're still friends.

42) Thrown up from drinking too much?
No. But I have thrown up from the room spinning.

43) Had sex in the car?
Yep.

44) Had sex at the beach?
Does a beachfront hotel count?

45) Had sex in a movie theater?
Nope

46) Had sex in a bathroom?
Um. Sex in the same place where peop- Oh. Wait...yeah. Crap that's gross.

47) Had sex at work?
Not neccesarily, no.

4 Have you ever been in an "adult" store?
Yes

49) Bought something from an adult store?
Nope.

50) Have you spent over $200.00 in one visit to the adult store?
Nope. But having been in one, that shit is all so expensive it probably wouldn't take much.

52) Have you been caught having sex?
No?

53) Have you ever kissed a stranger?
No, but I've probably kissed some strange motherfuckers!

55) Does anyone have naughty pics of you?
God, I hope not. That won't be good for my modeling career.

Posted by: shank at 09:25 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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