The quality of Nigerian scams has degraded so much over the past couple of years. Just look at this piece of garbage I got today:

Hello,

My greetings.

I got your email address from a casual enquiry wherein I sought for trustworthy potential partners with whom to go into business with in the investment of some contact funds ( $ 8,500,000.00 U.S ) currently trapped. It is my hope that you will be of assistance in helping me free the trapped funds, transfer it, and put it to investment purpose. 10% of the funds will accrue to you for your assistance.

The source of the funds are as follows: During the last military regime in my country,government officials awarded contracts that were grossly over-invoiced to Contractors. The present civilian government set up the Contract Review Panel, and mandated it to use the instruments of payments made available to it by the decree setting up the panel, to review those contracts and if necessary pay those who are being owed outstanding amounts.I have identified the above mentioned sum which have been lying unclaimed for years and would like to transfer and invest it.My position as a current serving Civil servant forbids me from operating foreign Bank accounts, this is why I need your assistance.

Here is where you come in : I need you to furnish me with the following information :
1. YOUR FULL NAMES
2. BUSINESS NAMES
3. ADDRESS
4. TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBERS

With these information, I will forward an application for payment in your busines's favour and ensure that it is approved. Upon the transfer of the funds, I will meet with you in your country so that we can go into investment after sharing in the agreed percentages ( 10% for you ).

Please do reply,

Olawale

I mean - that is truly pathetic. It breaks my heart to see the fine tradition of Nigerian scamming headed straight into the shit heap. Being me, I could not let this go without expressing myself. My reply is in the extended entry. Dearest Olawale,

Oh my God! You people are getting worse and worse. Can't you even come up with some sort of believable scheme? I mean...come on! Do you really expect people to believe that a person willing to steal 8.5 million from his own government is seriously worried about the employment repercussions of opening a foreign account?

"accrue to you"? What the hell is that? You're pretending to be a financial reviewer and you don't even know what "accrue" means? You know what the best part about $5 words is? You don't have to use them when you have no fucking clue what they mean. English is very versatile, with hardly any clicks or whistles to trip you up. Try something like "will be given to you".

And here's a little business tip for you. Your scam might go better if you didn't use the same email list as every other Nigerian scammer. What do you do - pool the addresses? You see, when people get a dozen of these things in a week even the most moronic of them get a clue.

Wait a second...you didn't even mention which misbegotten country you are pretending to be from. I swear, it's like you guys aren't even trying any more! What the hell happened to professional pride in your work? No self respecting grifter would put his fake name on that piece of shit.

It used to be that you'd at least be good enough for a laugh but now you can't even meet that miniscule goal. You've lost the spark, man. You've lost the love for the game.

Regards,
Mtumbe Alaspagetti

Posted by: Jim at 03:22 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
Post contains 629 words, total size 4 kb.