I really dislike those pithy little sayings like "A picture paints a thousand words" and "Three times is a charm". People tend to take them as actual maxims of life, giving them far more weight than they could possibly merit, simply because they are well known. They absolve people of the burden of rational thinking and justifying their arguments. Instead of arguing and proving a point, just throw an idiomatic saying at it.

Take "Three times is a charm" for example. People throw this one out to escape culpability for screwing the pooch twice. They wouldn't be on time three if they hadn't royally fucked up time one and time two. Being me, a person rather too willing to issue vitriol as needed, I respond to this pith with vinegar. When people trot one of these gems out to justify an action or avoid thinking about a problem I will reply with a related statement to reveal that the gem is just glass. Also being me, I get some decent wingers in there. Here are a few that came up during consecutive day long meetings this week:

Pith: An optimist sees the glass as half full. A pessimist sees the glass as half empty.

Vinegar: A realist knows that somebody is going to have to wash that glass.

Pith: A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
Vinegar: Ribs on the grill trump any birds anywhere.

Pith: The way to a man's heart is through his stomach.
Vinegar: The way to his wallet is just south of there.

Pith: A penny saved is a penny earned.
A penny will buy you about one fifth of a gum ball.

Pith: The acorn doesn't fall far from the tree.
Vinegar: Two acorns plus twenty years equals a nice spot for a hammock.

Pith: People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.
Vinegar: They should dress in the basement too.

Pith: If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
Vinegar: Eventually you're going to have to come to grips with the fact that not every guy can find the G-spot.

So, you got any pith and vinegar? Those meetings this week drained my ready stash and I need to stock up for a repeat performance next week.

Posted by: Jim at 08:02 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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