We have a bottle of Pert Plus "Fresh" in the shower. I guess it was on sale or something and Lovely Wife picked it up. Being the inquisitive fellow that I am I of course gave it a gander. It has a refreshing 2-in-1 formula that is enhanced with a natural cooling ingredient you can feel. It's our coolest experience for lively hair! Well, what's not to like about that? Shampoo and conditioner in one - that alone will save me at least 15 to 20 seconds. And a natural cooling ingredient that I can feel? Why that does indeed sound like the coolest experience for my lively hair!

So of course I tried it. It lathered up quite nicely and as I was working my finger magic I started to feel it. A little tingle. A bit more tingle. A distinctive coolness, like when you dunk your head in a rain barrel on the hottest day of summer. Oh, what a cool experience! Truth in advertising and a product that worked, who'd a thunk it?

A whiff of the scent coming off of my head revealed how they did it. Eucalyptus...nice touch. A bit of menthol in the shampoo and you've got a whole new bathing experience. Gimme that koala juice, baby. I'm loving it.

And then I rinsed the shampoo from my head and realized in a grand hurry why it is not a good thing to have menthol in your shampoo. You see, shampoo is used on your hair which, for most people, is located on the top of their head. Just south of the top of your head is your face and smack dab in the middle of your face you have eye balls. Eye balls and mentholatum do not mix well. Not well at all, buster.

My eyes were closed and that is the only reason that I can see well enough to type this missive. I felt the chilling burn of menthol rinsing down my face, covering my eyes and face. I immediately felt the burn in the soft sensitive exposed parts - the corners and along the lid. And it was getting worse by the moment.

I frantically scrubbed my face with soap, trying in vain to get the napalm off. As anybody any guy who has used IcyHot can attest, menthol does not wash off of skin (think hands) well enough to allow the handling of sensitive body parts (think penis). The same rule applies to menthol that is on your eyelids and face - you can't wash it off enough to open your eyes with confidence.

Eventually I had to stop washing my face and get out of the shower. As soon as my eyes cracked open the slightest bit they were assailed by the burning fumes impregnated in the skin around them. The burning, the watering, blurry vision and pain lasted for an eternity, like the very fires of hell that await Michael Moore a good fifteen minutes as I stumbled blind through my morning ablutions.

In summary I cannot in good faith recommend this product. Although it does clean and condition as advertised, the side effects are too eerily reminiscent of coating the inside of your eyeballs with Vicks Vaporub unpleasant.

Posted by: Jim at 01:10 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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