I woke with the instant panicked reaction that DANGER was present. My flight or fight reflex was in full effect. I was immobilized and I was being smothered. In my moment of waking clarity I knew that the inevitable had finally happened - the children were launching their coup and were trying to take me out in my sleep.

I fought back. The vermin weren't going to get me without some losses! My arms were being held down, preventing me from clearing my face and taking a breath. With a mighty heave I ripped my right arm free, throwing the soft body against the wall with a satisfying "thwack".

I kicked out, freeing my legs. I rolled over violently, upsetting the clinging evil that still covered my supine form. In the back of my mind it registered that Lovely Wife was not in the bed. Had they already finished her or was she holding out somewhere else in the house? I had to finish this fight quickly if she was to have any chance of survival.

I leaped from the bed. As I did, the last of the pillows fell off. I rushed for the door and ...

Stopped.

Pillows?

I flicked the light on to see my vanquished enemy strewn about the room. Not children at all, except perhaps the children of Martha Stewart. They were pillows. Pillows everywhere. Plus one rather tangled up duvet.

On the plus side the children weren't actively striving for my demise. At least not yet anyway. On the negative side I now had to return to sharing my bed with nine homicidal pillows and their duvet overlord.

There should be a law about how many stuffed objects a man can be subjected to at one time.

Posted by: Jim at 09:49 AM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
Post contains 301 words, total size 2 kb.

1 Alwright now, who let this Jim guy come in and post?

Posted by: diamond dave at June 03, 2006 02:40 PM (4J7so)

2 "...duvet." C'mon man. Even I don't use the word duvet. And I'm a pompous ass.

Posted by: Paul at June 05, 2006 08:00 AM (vbP6L)

3 Damn, Helen. Wish I could make someone orgasm just by blogging. I'd never leave home.

Posted by: diamond dave at June 05, 2006 11:03 AM (QmI9R)

4 Oh. My. God. Jim posted. I think I either just orgasmed or saw Jesus. Or, quite possibly, both.

Posted by: Helen at June 05, 2006 11:26 AM (La1Mk)

5 Wait a damn minute! How did that happen? My last post was AFTER Helen's!

Posted by: diamond dave at June 05, 2006 12:49 PM (ImpfT)

6 No it wasn't dave, you must be mistaken. Good day sir. I said good day!

Posted by: shank at June 05, 2006 03:13 PM (jfEhX)

7 My post caused a rift in the space-time continuum. Expect random wonkiness until the hole in reality heals itself.

Posted by: Jim at June 05, 2006 03:56 PM (oqu5j)

8 And Paul...I use "duvet" because merely saying the word makes chicks get hot. Seriously. Try it at a party some time. "Hi. Stacy, right?" "Yes. And you are..." "You'll never know." [pause] "Duvet." "Take me! Take me now!"

Posted by: Jim at June 05, 2006 03:58 PM (oqu5j)

9 Stealth point! "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"

Posted by: Victor at June 07, 2006 01:19 PM (L3qPK)

10 Nope!

Posted by: Jim at June 07, 2006 04:24 PM (tyQ8y)

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