In a word...revenge.

Young kids do not understand the concept of conservation of energy. They go flat out until they are out of juice and then they collapse wherever they are. When they've got the flu this can happen at the drop of a hat since their little bodies are already running low on go stuff and they tend to get knocked out by the flu medicine.

Yesterday at around 5:30 Lovely Wife noticed a sudden shift in the ambient noise level. I was on the love seat making hideous Magna-Doodle drawings for Burger and she was in the dining room. She called out "Is Bacon asleep?" Sure enough he was passed out on the couch. This was bad. If Bacon was asleep at 5:30 there would be hell to pay at 6:00 when it was bed time. A half hour is enough for a kid to get a quick recharge. Enough to prevent a pleasant bedtime for him and, more importantly, us. Besides that, he's a royal bitch when he gets up from a nap.

So Lovely Wife and I started calling out to him. "Wake up, buddy! We'll go to bed in just a little bit. Don't fall asleep now!" This had about the same effect that it would have had on a rock. (Or me - Bacon gets his sleeping habits from Daddy.)

I went over and sat down next to him and shook him gently. "Wake up, Bacon. Come on, little guy. You can't sleep yet or you won't be able to fall asleep at bedtime." He growled at me and his resemblance to me was really struck home. Why, he was feeling the exact same thing that I feel every weekend when he wakes me up! He wanted to sleep and I was waking him up. The shoe was on the other foot, I was in the captain's chair, all the glory of the heavens opened up to me. Revenge!

"Come on, wakey wakey!" Gentle nudge.

"NO!" A response! He then immediately assumed a fetal position.

"Wake up, buddy. You can't sleep now." Firm nudge x2 and a bit of a tickle in the ribs.

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" This was good. Another response and he was sounding desperate.

"No napping now, it's almost bed time and we'll go upstairs." Poke in the ribs, firm push x2.

Nothing. Totally passed out again. It's desperation time.

"Get up! Get up now! No sleeping! Get your ass off that couch you little brat! Dammit, I said GET UP!" Hard pinch to that fleshy part between the thumb and forefinger. Sternal rub.

"Waaaaaaaaaaaah!" He was up now. Oh, yeah. Success!

"Yeah, how do you like me now, Beeeeatch? Who's napping? Who's napping? Not you! Oh, yeah. Who's yo daddy?"

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"

"Oh, would you look at the time? Let's get you guys to bed."

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"

Revenge is a dish best served cold. And with flu medicine.

POINTS: I'm in a point frenzy, today. Must be the Tylenol Sinus, non-drowsy formula. 1 point for the source on "Revenge is a dish best served cold". No searchy-searchy. And no, it's not Wrath of Khan.

Posted by: Jim at 02:15 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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