So I woke up on my livingroom couch at approximately 4:30am this morning; which was highly unsettling, as I distinctly remember falling asleep in my bed last night. WTF.

I mean, I know I went to sleep in my damn bed. The only time I got out of bed was shortly before I fell asleep. The Wife was working the night shift, so I jumped up to check the locks and what not, and returned to bed. I mean, I'm sure I got back in bed. Why wouldn't I return to bed? Why would I get up, check the locks, and go sleep on the couch? And if I did, wouldn't I remember doing that?

That shit is weird, bro. I've never been known to be a sleep-walker; but that's not what worries me. If I did, in fact, get up in the middle of the night and walk out to the couch to sleep, what the fuck else did I do?

What if I walked around the yard once or twice? What do you think the neighbors would think of that shit? Their redneckass neighbor wandering the streets in the middle of the night, wearing his boxers and a smile. What if I'd have left the fridge open, or the stove on? I mean, I'm goddamn lucky I didn't kill myself or destroy something.

Maybe I should have The Wife chain me up each night, like they shackle werewolves and stuff in the movies; so that I don't end up a menace. Then they'd have no choice but to put me down; and we can't be havin' that shizzle my nizzle.

Posted by: shank at 09:36 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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