So I started this new game, it's called "What Would You Do". Basically, I give a couple of scenarios and see what people would do given those circumstances. One of my new neighbors is this guy who's a real live yokel. He was born in the rural area we moved out to, worked there as a plumbing contractor his whole life, and is now retired. He gets up every morning as I'm leaving the house for work (about 7am), opens his garage door, and begins his daily activities. From what I can tell his daily activities include but are not limited to: smoking cigarettes, drinking coffee and cans of beer, talking on the phone, working in the yard, bringing everyone's garbage cans in, and rachet-jawing us all near half to death. In all honesty though he's a real character; so I decided to make him my first unwitting contestant the other day.

"So, what would you do if Hillary Clinton was elected president?"
"Holy shiet son!" His eyeballs got all wide and sunken in. "Don't say that kin' ner stuff out loud boy, you're liable to give me the vapors. Jaysus."
"If you could pick anyone for president, who would it be?"
"Oh. Hmm." He rubbed the permanent white stubble on his face. It's like he never shaves, but it never gets long either. "Do they have to be alive?"
"Well, yeah; I mean, then everyone would just pick John Wayne."
"Yeah, you prolly right on that 'un." More thoughtful hands rubbing thoughtful stubble. I began to wonder if maybe he'd forgotten the question when he said flatly, "Jimmie Johnson."
"What would you do if the entire Internet collapsed due to some kind of worldwide worm?"
"The inner what?"
"What would you do if the whole social order was disrupted, and we fell into utter chaos?"
"Boy, let me share something with you that my father used to say: 'If flies carried shotguns, frogs wouldn't fuck with 'em so much.' You see what I mean?"
"Um. What?"
"If your aunt had balls, she'd be your uncle!"
"WTF!?"
"Dammit boy, let me put this in words you'ns can unnerstand: Worrying about hypothetical bullshit is a waste of time, because things out of your control are either inveitable or impossible, in which case all you can do is deal with them as they develop."

Posted by: shank at 12:04 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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