That title doesn't match the post. I'm 45 minutes into a 15 minute conference call to launch an application update into the wild, wild world and that phrase scampered jauntily across the sleep deprived fundament of my mind. Immediately following the effervescent bunny farts thought was another thought that Bunny Farts would make a fantastic name for a rock band and I better share it before I'm once again drawn into this update call in a role beyond my standard verbal nods of "Hmmm", "Yes", and "Uh-huh" and I lose the entire "Bunny Farts" stream of conscience. So here I am, guaranteeing that Bunny Farts is preserved for all of posterity.

That's all I've got. It's 7 minutes to midnight so the synapses are not firing on all cylinders. I had to explain that - as if you didn't figure that out already based on the preceding paragraph.

Oh, wait. I do have something to share. The application update I'm up way past my normal bedtime to shepherd home is none other than PROJECT BLACK WIDOW. The bitch is in Beta with a very large customer on it. The project is essentially wrangled back on track, mostly through brute force. Yay me!

Last note: Do you know why the Easter Bunny hides his eggs? more...

Posted by: Jim at 11:02 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 228 words, total size 1 kb.

I was watching Nip/Tuck tonight, and during her seduction of Christian; James says of Islay region scotches; "Some love their complexity and robustness, while others think they are unspeakably foul."

Oddly enough, this rung a bell in my head. And then I knew where I read it; here. There it is, word for word under the heading 'Islay'.

I'm not sure if this makes me a well-read individual with an uncanny memory, or an alcoholic with a reading problem.

Posted by: shank at 10:29 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 87 words, total size 1 kb.

Bossman: It's Employee Appreciation Week. Why aren't you off at the picnic being appreciated?

Me: There's just too much ass around here and I'm the only one with a functional boot.

Posted by: Jim at 02:20 PM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
Post contains 47 words, total size 1 kb.

I'm considering applying for a job at AOL.

I'm thinking CEO. Judging by current standards I'm really overqualified, but I figure I could cruise under the radar for a while.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 07:16 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 40 words, total size 1 kb.

Look at these beauties. 100% guaranteed not to make your ass explode.*

Yes, Victor. That is charcoal. I'm all grown up now.

* Though some of my sauces have been known to make asses burn.

Posted by: Jim at 04:58 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
Post contains 39 words, total size 1 kb.

1 Holy cow, Jim. I thought you passed away.

Posted by: Paul at July 12, 2006 06:40 AM (vbP6L)

2 Passed out? Sure. Passed gas? Frequently. Passed away? Nope.

Posted by: Jim at July 12, 2006 07:17 AM (oqu5j)

3 that is a beautiful sight, man.

Posted by: Victor at July 12, 2006 08:53 AM (L3qPK)

4 That there is some good dead cow chunks. Nice to see you Jim!

Posted by: Oorgo at July 12, 2006 10:22 AM (2uqyw)

5 Cow chunks!?! What slander! That, my friend, is a prime assortment of genuine slop fed Danish pig. Cow indeed!

Posted by: Jim at July 12, 2006 10:42 AM (oqu5j)

6 I swear I thought I attended your memorial... welcome back from the dead Jimmah!!

Posted by: DeAnna at July 12, 2006 11:41 AM (IdVP4)

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Click on the Valuable Information image in the right column.

Test answers are “2” and “True” for all others.

Posted by: Jim at 09:03 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 34 words, total size 1 kb.

It's not about elegance, fairy tales, and releasing doves. It's about having fun. And that, that's easy baby. If you can't throw a fun wedding, you either invited the wrong people or threw the wrong wedding.

Posted by: shank at 07:52 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 40 words, total size 1 kb.

When in doubt, it looks wonderful. You couldn't have imagined anything more perfect. Even if you know nothing about flower arrangements, it's great; and you know what? You're glad to be a part of the decision-making.

Posted by: shank at 07:46 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 40 words, total size 1 kb.

Always, always, always remember the exact time of your wedding. Even though, as the groom, you're going to be at the church hours a(fucking)head of time, and there's no possible way in Satan's Holy Hell that you'd miss the wedding; always remember what time it starts. If you forget, you'd be better to call a guest and ask them to read you their invitation than asking the bride. She will mount your head over the fireplace.

Posted by: shank at 07:42 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 80 words, total size 1 kb.

Even though I'm not married; I like to wear my wedding ring around the house.

Posted by: shank at 10:46 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 17 words, total size 1 kb.

My wife has taken to calling me Dorian Gray. IÂ’m not too goddam happy about it.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 01:22 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
Post contains 26 words, total size 1 kb.

Licking nipples is a sexual act. Kissing boobies is simply an appreciation of the female form.

Posted by: Jim at 03:33 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
Post contains 46 words, total size 1 kb.

Lovely Wife: You're being so good today! What's up with that?

Bacon: My brain isn't working right.

Posted by: Jim at 05:53 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
Post contains 25 words, total size 1 kb.

Something!

* For Tiffani. Let it not be said that I am anything but accomodating.

Posted by: Jim at 11:03 AM | Comments (12) | Add Comment
Post contains 21 words, total size 1 kb.

ThereÂ’s nothing I enjoy more than shit like this.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 12:53 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 15 words, total size 1 kb.

Wishing you and yours a Happy Thanksgiving.

And remember, the first one to eat him/herself into a stupor wins! more...

Posted by: Jim at 12:44 PM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
Post contains 44 words, total size 1 kb.

Who was the 142nd fastest gun in the West?

(Remember - no searching online.)

Posted by: Jim at 05:17 AM | Comments (25) | Add Comment
Post contains 18 words, total size 1 kb.

Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.

(Hat tip to Lovely Wife)

Posted by: Jim at 09:54 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 23 words, total size 1 kb.

Caution: Despite many similarities in letter use the phrases "gild the lily" and "gird the lion" have little to nothing in common. more...

Posted by: Jim at 09:50 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 36 words, total size 1 kb.

As soon as the elevator stops at a floor yell out "Oh my God! The doors are stuck!"

Leap to the doors and wedge your fingers into the crack. Strain like mighty Hercules forcing open the vaulted doors of Gehenna as the elevator doors open. When the doors have opened, step back with a sigh of relief and say "It's safe now."

This works even better when you do it at multiple floors so people see you do it more than once.

Additional: As each person leaves the elevator say "Your welcome" or "Looks like you owe me one".

Posted by: Jim at 08:50 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 107 words, total size 1 kb.