Ever have one of those days when you're driving into work and you're so freaking tired that you seriously think about slamming your car into that jackass next to you because then there would be a car accident and you could get a quick 15 minute nap before the emergency crew got there?

No? Uh...me neither.

Posted by: Jim at 01:34 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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G beat me at pinball this morning. I could give excuses like he uses a good paddle and I use a house paddle or that I'm sick as a dog and regurgitating a lung right now or that my drug addled senses couldn't focus on the ball or even that he has gained enough skill to actually beat me at ping pong. But those would all just be excuses.

The real culprit is my Great Uncle. He's dead so it's not much use for me to bitch at him. You see, he and my Great Aunt lived in Hawaii and they sent me some crystals and volcanic rock when I was a little kid. This was bad. It angered the gods and cursed me, much like that episode of The Brady Bunch with the Angry Tiki God.

I didn't understand about the curse until I was a teenager and by then it was too late. I didn't have those rocks any more so I couldn't return them to Pele's bosom to break the curse. That's Pele the Hawaiian volcano goddess, not the aged soccer player.

That's right, y'all - I am doomed for all eternity to suffer the curse of the Maori. I can normally keep it at bay with constant ritual sacrifice but every now and then it will creep through into my life.

On the plus side I always know exactly why things go wrong when they do. Like this morning's ping-pong game or last week when I ran over that kid.

Damned Maori.

Posted by: Jim at 07:49 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Found a nifty link over at Ilyka's Place. It seems that Dean Esmay is looking to find out just what women hate about men. Ilyka had a rough time but finally thought one up. I don't see how this could be difficult for a woman. There should be loads of things that all y'all curvy wenches have against us.

Just for an example, there's the way we mark our territory over at your place. You know, the couple dribbles of pee on the rim of the toilet or the way we take the toilet paper roll off and put it back on so it rolls the right way (over the top!). Or the way we go through your cosmetics and beauty products and wipe our penises across your facial beauty bars. Or the way we'll put a couple of teaspoons of salt in your fish tank so the fishes all die and you'll sell the damn aquarium because you're so upset and that way we don't have to move the bloody thing for you when you get your next apartment.

You know, stuff like that.

Posted by: Jim at 08:09 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Rice-a-Roni, The SanFrancisco Treat.

Rice. A tasty side dish, certainly, but a treat? I can't imagine getting a hankering for a treat and thinking "You know what would be a nifty little pick-me-up? A nice bowl of Rice-a-Roni. Yeah, that's the ticket." As far as treats go I have to rate Rice-a-Roni way down on the list. Well below traditional items like cookies and pastry. I'm thinking it would even fall below a medium rare steak on the old Treat-o-Meter. So what exactly is up with "The SanFrancisco Treat"?

G and I think we have it figured out. What is SanFrancisco well known for, besides the aforementioned rice treat? Yes, that's right. Homosexuals. It seems pretty clear that Quaker Oats (The company that makes Rice-a-Roni and it's non-treat cousin Pasta-Roni. And why exactly is rice a treat but pasta isn't?) is inferring that the preferred treat to the homosexual palate is a tasty dish of rice.

This is very interesting and raises several questions. Why do homosexuals prefer rice to more common "straight treats"? Is this seeming sensual oddity a side effect of homosexuality or a cause of it? And most importantly, can this preference for rice be used as a substitute or enhancement of a straight person's gaydar?

We quickly decided that the first two questions lacked sufficient humor potential would likely require federal funding to investigate fully so we concentrated on the last one. Could we develop a system that uses the knowledge of tasty rice being a preferred homosexual treat to assist homophobes the world over? And, more importantly, would there be any way to make money off of it? We believed that we could indeed develop such a system but there would be little profit potential. Any money we made would most likely be lost when we were sued by Quaker Oats. Therefore our system, known as the "Rice-a-Roni Homosexual Evaluation System", or more simply the "Rice-a-Roni Test" would be open source and free for use by any and all.

Our first step was to verify that tasty rice was not a preferred treat for heterosexuals. We took a poll of our straightt coworkers (male and female) and the unanimous decision was that they did not seek out Rice-a-Roni as a treat, or even as a snack. Some admitted to occasionally using the product as a meal instead of its intended use as a side dish but even that was done rarely and only when "there wasn't anything else in the house". We did not, of course, poll homosexuals as Quaker Oats already established the homosexual preference for tasty rice as a treat and we didn't want to get beat up or anything when said homosexuals found out what we were doing.

A second poll established that all straight respondents viewed chocolate chip cookies as an acceptable treat. For most it ranked quite high or at the top of their overall treat preferences. Even the ones that didn't have a particular love for chocolate chip cookies still preferred them to Rice-a-Roni as a treat source.

Our groundwork done we set about constructing the "Rice-a-Roni Homosexual Evaluation System". Being computer nerds this naturally fell into a flow chart. The beauty of this system is its simplicity. No training is needed to administer the test, simply follow along on the flow chart according to the responses of the subject. Note that although the original intent of this test was revelation of homosexuality for homophobes (gaydar enhancement) it can just as easily be used by sexually confused persons to determine their own sexuality or as a dating assistant for homosexuals. There's a much lower chance of an awkward situation developing when asking a prospective partner if they like cookies instead of grabbing his/her ass and jamming a tongue in an ear.

So without further ado, here is the "Rice-a-Roni Homosexual Evaluation System": more...

Posted by: Jim at 09:51 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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You knew it was coming. I was nice enough to wait until after lunchtime to make sure I didn't ruin any appetites. Except for y'all out West who are 3 hours back of me. You may want to go chow down and then come back to this.

I took a crap at work today.

Hey, that sort of works with the Pearl Jam song "Jeremy". Let's try it out:

Jim is crappin' at work today
Jim is crappin' at work today

Clearly I remember
Sittin' on the can
Seemed a harmless little crap

But he unleashed a pile
Clenched his teeth
And bore down on his ass

How can I forget
He hit me with that surprise stench
My nose left hurtin
Eyes were burnin

Just like The Crew
That stinkin AM Crew

Okay, enough levity. It's time to recount my horror. By sharing this with you I increase the total amount of revulsion in the world, thereby decreasing my own revulsion relative to the mean. more...

Posted by: Jim at 02:20 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Scene: Darkened bedroom

Lovely Wife: Ohhhhhh. Ahhhhhhh. Ohhhhhhh.

Me: Mmmmmmm.

LW: Oooooooooooooooh!

Me: Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

LW: Ah! Oh! Ahhhhhhhhhhh!

(Click - bedroom lights come on)

LW: AHHH!

Me: SHIT! more...

Posted by: Jim at 08:52 AM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
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1 Go wash your face dude! And your mustache too! Ya lucky dog!

Posted by: Nate at October 13, 2003 05:24 PM (KJQ0B)

2 Dude I at least you have boys. I am not looking foward to explaing the "birds and the bees" to my daughter. And looking less to her dating and all that kind of junk. shes only 4 and already I am feeling the dread of the future.

Posted by: Agaememnon at October 13, 2003 07:14 PM (mkbJL)

3 I didn't know what to say when His Oogieness asked where babies come from, so I rattled off some nonsense about ordering him from the baby factory. He went to the wee wifey and told her that I didn't know where babies came from. It was a while after that (long after he ceased being oogie cute) before we explained to him about the broken condom.

Posted by: triticale at October 13, 2003 09:15 PM (77+mi)

4 Our oldest was a Trojan Horse baby, too. No excuse for #2 or #3 - they were intentional. We were trying for a little girl and ended up with three fifths of a basketball team. And after talking with parents of girls I thank God each day that we had all boys.

Posted by: Jim at October 14, 2003 09:05 AM (IOwam)

5 LMAO! That's the funniest thing I've read all day.

Posted by: Gennie at October 15, 2003 12:38 AM (NtJXM)

6 HEH, Well I have a girl smack dab between two boys. I am training the boys in the ways of the ninja, so they can by my little hit men when my daughter starts to date. =) I bet that kid knows what the high five was for.. with in 3 days of this story.. if he know Bagina.. Santa Clause and the Easter Bunny are not far from being found out. =) Smart Kid U have there..

Posted by: Jefferey McDowell at October 15, 2003 02:08 PM (wdInV)

7 Santa and the Easter Bunny are safe for now. He's only 4. Woe is me.

Posted by: Jim at October 15, 2003 02:48 PM (IOwam)

8 And the moral of the story is: Always lock the bedroom door!

Posted by: shell at October 15, 2003 04:08 PM (PYU23)

9 we not only lock the door, we barricade it.

Posted by: georgiapossum at August 17, 2004 10:27 AM (8weIb)

10 YIKES!!! That one hit WAY too close to home. Had a similar traumatic experience some twelve years ago (stepson worried about mommy). Same exact position, too. I skittered under the pillows like a frightened cockroach and wouldn't come out for hours...

Posted by: diamond dave at August 17, 2004 05:20 PM (r8BvQ)

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A while ago while jesting about some of the searches that find my site I made an offer for people to send in their homoerotic dreams for me to interpret them. The response has been absolutely overwhelming and of a broader scope than simple interpretation. There are people out there who need my advice and help and by gosh I'm gonna give it to 'em! I've been answering these inquiries personally but have culled a select few to share with the readership at large.

Doctor Jim,

I discovered my homosexuality several years ago and have been doing my best to become comfortable with myself and explore my sexuality. I am very happy with just about everything except for my one major failing. I am unable to come up with any genuine homoerotic fantasies and I have never had a homoerotic dream. Can you help?

Todd,
San Francisco, CA

Posted by: Jim at 08:58 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Open Scene: Jim and G have just sat down for lunch. G is enjoying a turkey sandwich while Jim has leftover homemade mashed potatos.

Jim: Mmmmm. Mmmmmmmmmmm.

G: What is that you're eating?

Jim: Mashed potatos. Leftover from last night. They're heavenly.

G: They're only mashed potatos. You sound like you're having an orgasm in your mouth.

Jim: That's how good they are.

G: No mashed potato is that good.

(Jim gives G a taste of the mashed potatos.)

G: I've had worse but I've had better too. You know what would make them taste even better?

Jim: Cheese.

G: No, not cheese!

Jim: Everything tastes better with cheese.

G: Whatever. I was talking about sour cream.

Jim: Oh, yeah. A dab of sour cream can really be the difference. Lovely Wife usually puts some in but we didn't have any. Hey, you know what else sour cream is good for?

G: Masturbation.

Jim: (Stunned silence)

G: You mean besides that?

Jim: (Continued silence)

G: You caught a visual, didn't you?

Jim: Yeah.

G: Sorry bout that. You going to be okay?

Jim: Yeah.

Close Scene: Sound of one person eating as screen fades to black.

Posted by: Jim at 10:31 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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Do you remember O'Gradys chips from Frito-Lay? These were gloriously thick ridged chips available in Au'gratin or Sour Cream & Chives flavor. I got such a hankering for them the other day that I tried to manufacture my own. Got some Lays rippled chips and some cheddar cheese sliced real fine. Take a bite of chip and a bite of cheese. It's okay but it just didn't bring back the magic.

Man, oh man, did Pops and I love those chips. Step Mom would get one bag for the both of us when she went shopping. She shopped once a week, usually on Monday. Do the math here: (1 bag o' chips) / (high school student + adult male) * (1 full week) = (insufficient chips for harmonious living). Thanks, Step Mom. Thanks for adding that extra layer of tension between us. My raging hormones weren't causing quite enough problems without the two of us competing for food like hyenas of the Serengetti.

Anyway, like I said, we had a bag per week between the two of us. There was a set of very well defined unwritten rules for O'Gradys consumption: more...

Posted by: Jim at 01:49 PM | Comments (17) | Add Comment
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1 Seriously creepy. I was just thinking of those chips this week! I loved them-the cheddar ones were the best. You put them in your mouth, sucked them until they were mushy and the cheesy goodness attached to your throat, then swallowed. I loved those chips....

Posted by: h at October 08, 2003 01:54 AM (ADrg6)

2 Yeah, those were the absolute best chips. Remember how you'd occassionally get one with a big cake of orange powder on it? Snagging one of those was sort of like winning the lottery. And man were they thick! Not that I was ever tempted to do so, but I've heard others decrying their superior dipping ability. They were strong chips. We're talking "Guacamole? No problem!" strong. Suspend David Blaine over the Thames strong. And those were the only snack I've ever encountered in my lifetime where I honestly could not eat just one chip.

Posted by: Jim at October 08, 2003 04:25 AM (fkewd)

3 Goodness Gracious! O'Grady's!! The best potato chip you could buy, that's for sure. What happened that Frito Lay had to quit making them? Were sells low due to a higher price or do you think maybee that the marketing/ advertising was not good enough to get enough people to try them? Yeah, I have fond memories of that beautiful chip. If anyone has an old bag that they were saving for a future birthday or something, let me know if you decide to sell it!

Posted by: D at February 21, 2004 01:50 PM (hgKUw)

4 I thought I was the only one missing O'Grady's! I have never found a potato chip that compares to the Au Gratin flavored O'Grady's. Everything else pales in comparison. Maybe someday they'll bring them back, but till then I'm holdin on to the memories! :-)

Posted by: Katy at March 15, 2004 11:14 AM (7SRyZ)

5 hehe i found them and hopefully i have some on the way if i can actually get some i will let everyone know where to get them and what it cost me

Posted by: ron at March 19, 2004 05:43 PM (ZfRrg)

6 Ohh please tell me if you can get them. I have been searching for years as they were my all time favorite. Nobody mentioned the Hearty Seasonings flavor they had. I would eat at least 3 bags of them a week. I cant believe they dont make them anymore as they were no doubt the best chip ever made!!!

Posted by: Bill at May 05, 2004 04:44 PM (Fvc9a)

7 I thought I was the only one with the passion ans severs addictionn of the thick cheesy chips.ets alletition Frito Lay to bring them back. I can do without Fritos completely so there shoud always be room for them on the shelves.HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: chris at May 06, 2004 11:17 PM (AaBEz)

8 I too much loved the O'Gradys chip. If anyone knows where to get a bag I would love a blast from the past. I saw we all send massive amounts of emails to Frito Lays demanding they bring back their alltime best tasting chip. For those who never had the pleasure of tasting one just simply don't know what they were missing. Poor saps...

Posted by: Tara at August 13, 2004 09:20 PM (h20c+)

9 I have an un-opened bag of Au-gratin that I found when I finally moved house some weeks ago. A little crushed but still intact. I am reluctant to open and sample this blast from the past as the used by date is Feb 1986. From the feedback on this site alone, it is nice to see other people fondly remember this great product. My next query is Triple Treats and the dissapearance thereof. I am thinking of contacting Lays and showing them this website in the hope they can maybe re-release this product as it has some well founded support. These were the best chis ever as you all know. They got it right! Why would they pull such a good product off of the market? Sales would no doubt be the answer. So why were they no marketed better? Hmmmmmm! David

Posted by: David at October 14, 2004 11:11 PM (Qn8WI)

10 O'Grady's potato chips represent one of my fondest food memories from the 8O's. I'd wondered for years what happened to them & I still want them back, but it's nice to know that I'm not alone. I'd never even been on the internet until a couple of years ago, & I just thought I'd see what I could find out about this. It's probably just wishful thinking, but maybe if enough of us are heard, it'll be revived.

Posted by: Kevin at October 19, 2004 03:14 PM (QCLlJ)

11 Oh the O' Grady's! I think they stopped making them because of the disagreements in the contracts with the vendors that make them and license Frito-Lay to sell them. Hey all, Lay's Wavy Au Gratin chips are similar, not quite as salty or super cheesy, but really good! They are thick cut and crispy.

Posted by: Jen at October 19, 2004 03:40 PM (yW38E)

12 Man i don't feel alone anymore. Me and my mom use to sit after school and watch T.V. and enjoy a bag of those great chips. If there were none in the house I would be always willing to run to the store and get some.....usually would only take a commercial break to get to the store and back. Were there was a will there was a way.

Posted by: Cory at October 28, 2004 03:01 PM (fVjKz)

13 Hey Guys, The closest thing that I have found to O'Gradys is Lay Ruffles Chip with Cheddar and Sour Creme there "GREAT"!!

Posted by: Al at November 02, 2004 04:35 PM (6krEN)

14 O'Grady's were the most delicious chip I have ever had. Why would a company stop making a product that was so popular? We need to get them to make O'Grady chips again!

Posted by: Frank Masi at November 03, 2004 09:18 PM (+7VNs)

15 me and dad are talking and there is little info on them online. I miss them so does my pops.

Posted by: the bliz at December 01, 2004 05:46 PM (3otH0)

16 I have been cvraving these for years. I ate them for lunch every day at school in the 80's. I moved to Canada and just thought that Canadians didn't have them. I've been back in the States for two years now and have had a few mouth watering eppisodes while thinking about them. I just went on-line to see if I can order them somewhere. I'm so bummed now. I didn't know that they had been discontinued all together.

Posted by: Arthur at December 14, 2004 11:47 AM (+rqDI)

17 dudes you have to be a complete jack-a-- if you don't like these chips... they rock... alright pat!

Posted by: Potatoes O'Gratin at December 20, 2004 01:53 PM (Mziv8)

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The polls will soon open on the highly contested California recall election. Who to vote for? All of the serious candidates have been dragged so thoroughly through the mud by their competition that it seems like your choice is either the lesser of evils or a throwaway vote for a porn star. I say forget everything you've said or know about any of the candidates. Let's face it, their personality and past actions don't really matter squat for how well they will handle the reigns when they're in office and there's no way to know how well they will handle those reigns until they are in office. Lacking anything practical to measure them with i recommend using something impractical. Specifically, the entymology of their names. Why the hell not? It's about as accurate a measure of their worth as anything you've read or heard about them.

That said, there are really only two choices we have to worry about. Sorry, Gary, you're not even a long shot in this one. And Arianna, you have a better chance of getting groped by Arnold than you do getting anything close to a respectable percentage of the vote. Actually, that's a bad example. You've got an excellent chance of getting groped by Arnold, no chance for the vote. Anyway, here's how Cruz "Bustamove" Bustamonte and Arnold "Governator" Schwartzenegger stack up:

Bustamonte: "busta" (busto) is Spanish for "bust" as in bosom or breasts. "monte" means "it mounts", also in Spanish. So a vote for Cruz is a vote for mounting busts, more typically known as "getting in the saddle".

Schwartzenegger: "schwartz" (schwartzes) is German for "black". There's no need to spell out what "negger" means. A vote for Arnold is obviously a vote for the African American man.

So who would you rather have as Governor of California? A Democrat who is going to have his office characterized by sex scandals or a Republican who will be dedicated to support of minorities? I know where my vote would go.

Posted by: Jim at 09:55 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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One burning question has lingered in the thoughts of women across the world since the very beginning of civilization. "Why the hell are guys like that?" Or more specifically, "Why can't I have a rational conversation with a guy without him looking at my boobs every five seconds or having his eyes glaze over as he strokes his mental stiffy with thoughts of me in a naughty French maid outfit, two nipple clamps and a short but firm whip?"

The Male Conspiracy has kept the answer to this question closely guarded, forcing you gals to come up with your own wild conjectures. Some of you have studied animal behaviors and attributed those to us. Others say that evolution has programmed us with this behavior and even millenia of civilized living cannot counter that. Still others blame our culture for fostering an ideal of the womanhunter that we all strive unconciously to attain.

Nope. The true answer is that fire is the reason and you are the cause. Totally, completely, 100%, en totale your fault. You did it. Well maybe not you specifically but other women like you. Specifically, it was our Moms. more...

Posted by: Jim at 09:17 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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1 All of this torrid damage due to a campfire? I know of a good therapist, I will forward you the name. And straighten out Roland the Mental Health Fairy to come visit you! Seriously, good post. But I am not popping out a nipple just because your mother prevented you from being a pyro. Nice try.

Posted by: H at October 07, 2003 09:43 AM (ADrg6)

2 No nipples? Damn. Sorry guys, I tried.

Posted by: Jim at October 07, 2003 09:58 AM (IOwam)

3 When I was little, my mom let me get rid of fire ants using gasoline and a lighter (I even got to daisy chain from hive to hive). But I still like the idea of a little French maid outfit. Perhaps I should have burned more things.

Posted by: addison at October 08, 2003 12:43 PM (EowYy)

4 i need to know onhuman behaveiour post thruogh my mail

Posted by: kristin at August 17, 2004 10:52 AM (yL4Nj)

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Posted by: Jim at 06:56 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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WARNING: Crude and vulgar stuff ahead.

On the ride into work today, G and I got on Hillary Clinton. Not literally on her, of course; she wasn't in the car with us. But we talked about her in the context of the 2008 election and what would happen if it came down to Condi and Hill. G thinks Condi would blow her away. I also think Condi would win but it would be close.

>From there the conversation naturally turned to sex with Hillary. Yes, that is a natural turn of conversation given the ungodly hour, the fact that she's female and that we are both heterosexual males. Actually the stream of conversation went sort of like this:

• Rush Limbaugh is a racist bastard. He intimated that McNabb is a popular quaterback because he's black and people want to see a successful black quarterback.


• That's just plain stupid thinking. 20 years ago it might have been plausible but there are loads of black quaterbacks, coaches, etc.


• Even outside of sports it's not plausible. Look at the Bush government. Conaleeza Rice and Colin Powell are two of the most powerful people in America and they're black.


• Either Colin or Condi will probably run in 2008.


• Bush is a lock in 2004 because the Radical Left is polarizing the Dems.


• Hillary is setting up for a 2008 run too. She's marginalizing the Left Dems already and will be in an excellent position to say "Told ya so. Let's try it my way" when Bush squashes whatever loon makes it out of the current Dem candidate pack to challenge him.


• Condi vs. Hillary in 2008 is not only possible, it's actually likely.


• Condi would crush Hill (G) or at least win on a margin (Me).


• I hate Hillary with a deep burning passion.


• I don't hate Hillary as a person but as a public persona and especially as a politician.


• I wouldn't hold it against Hillary if she slept around on Bill.


• Would you sleep with Hillary?

Before I lose all of your respect, please let me answer some of the inevitable questions:

You said you hate her. Why would you have sex with somebody you hate?
I don't hate her, the person. Unlike many very vocal pundits I am more than able to separate the person from the politician. I have never personally met Hillary so I have no idea if I would actually hate her. I hate her lying, cheating, power grubbing, Clintonian ways. For all I know she's quite pleasant in person. In fact, she's probably quite charming face to face. You sort of have to be to get into a Senate seat.

Okay then, if you hate her policies so much and think she's a lying, thieving, cheating crook then isn't it a clash of your principles to be involved with her?
No, this is not a clash with my principles. I still wouldn't be voting for her, I'd just be gifting her with the pearl necklace on a semi-regular basis. There's a big difference. I don't agree with many of the political views of my wife but I still bang her.

Isn't she a bit "old" for you?
All right, I'll admit that Hill isn't a great looker. On the other hand, she's not a sow either. Contrary to modern advertisers' claims, it is not necessary for a woman to look like Cameron Diaz to attract a mate. I also don't have hangups about age. So long as I don't have to worry about snapping hips during the wild ride it's really not a concern for me.

Would you really sell your body for some gifts?
Of course not. I'd also be getting sex. You see, for the average guy there really isn't any such thing as being a prostitute. At least not within our normal comprehension of it. "I get to have sex with chicks and I get money? Rock on!! Hold on while I warm up my mangina."

Aren't you worried about what a relationship with Hillary (extramarital for her) would do to your reputation?
Are you serious? When has a reputation ever been a consideration for whether a guy has sex or not?

Back to her policies. You hate them so much and think she's such a lousy politician. What could you talk about? How would you actually have any kind of relationship?
I'm sure her economic policies would sound much better with my cock in her mouth.

What about after it's all over though. Wouldn't you be worried about some sort of repercussions?
I see only benefits. It would be much easier to argue her down against Hillarites. Oh, she rallied the Senate and got her pet bill passed? "Well she was an astoundingly bad lay." She's made another impassioned speach about socialized health care, reverse discrimination and how she continues to battle the vast right wing conspiracy? "I can tell you that she didn't speak so well with a ball gag in her yap hole." Hillary has opted into the 2008 Presidential race? "Yeah, that horse can run all right. Just like the day I put the saddle and blinders on her and shoved the pony tail butt plug up her ass."

So sure, I'd screw Hillary. Nothin' but pie there as far as I can see. How bout y'all? Guys (and ladies that go that way), what do you say?

Posted by: Jim at 10:17 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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I do not like that Clinton, Hill.
I do not like your wife there Bill.
I do not like her with a mouse.
I do not like her in The House.

I do not like her lying ways.
I do not like the cons she plays.
I do not want to hear her voice.
Please tell me that I have a choice!

I do not like her in New York.
I'd rather stab her with a fork.
I do not want her as my Pres.
I don't respect that bull dyke les.

I fear she'll use me as a goose,
And with my cash play fast and loose,
And spend and spend to up our debt.
It won't be paid til I am dead!

'Bout Travelgate she gives a scoff.
There's smoke and fire but she gets off!
And Whitewater she couldn't care.
Her sneaky ways sidestepped that snare.

On Monica she was astounded,
As if she thought Bill's ways were bounded.
The "vast right wing" she called at fault,
When it was just Bill's trouser trout.

The truth came out, did she recant?
Not too bloody likely, gent.
Apologize she did not do,
She'd rather have the Righties stew.

"It's still their fault" is what she'll say.
"They're after us, please stay away!"
But stay away they'll never do,
Like me, Hill, they just don't like you!

Posted by: Jim at 07:57 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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