October 28, 2005
I'm not talking about olestra-esque anal seepage or other such nastiness. I'm talking about standard everyday butt sweat. The juicy crack syndrome that occurs on hot days or during intense bouts of physical exercise. Butt sweat hits everybody, old and young, man or woman*. Nudists certainly aren't immune.
For us regular clothes wearing types it can be taken care of with a strategic self administered semi-wedgie. Care being taken, of course, to avoid excessive depth and the track marks that could thereby result. A surreptitious crack swipe followed by a demure cheek shake to release the cotton is all that we norms require. What are the nudists doing?
When it comes down to it they must either embrace the butt sweat or use an alternate means of dealing with it. I can't imagine the first. I mean really - if you ignore the dewy gorge long enough the misting will eventually become genuine precipitation. I can't imagine anybody who could long tolerate butt sweat trickling into their coochie or dripping off their sack of balls like some twisted Japanese water torture. For nudists this would be even worse. Every time they sat down they'd leave a Rorschach test.
So if we eliminate the first option, the second must be true. Nudists are handling the butt sweat with some sort of wedgie alternative**. Do they have towels lying around with needlepoint messages like "Butt Sweat Only" and "If You Only Knew Where I've Been"? Do they make constant trips to the loo? Perhaps they carry around a personal nappy for just this occurrence?
It's mysteries like this that will forever keep nudists as strange and exotic creatures to mundanes like me.
* Don't try to deny it, ladies. If women didn't have butt sweat used panties wouldn't sell for $50 on eBay.
** "Alternative Wedgie" would be an excellent name for a rock band.
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06:03 AM
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October 09, 2005
Bear: Crocodiles are the only living dinosaur.Bacon: Are they really dinosaurs?
Me: Not quite. But the ancestors of crocodiles lived in the age of the dinosaurs.
Bacon: Oh. But they weren't dragons.
Me: No, definitely not dragons.
Bear: Dragons have poison spit.
Me: I thought they had fiery breath.
Bear: No, Daddy. Those are the story ones. The real ones have poison spit.
Bacon: Yeah. The Komoko dragons.
Me: Oh, right. The saliva of the Komodo dragons have virulent bacteria.
Bear: And if they bite you, you'll be dead in a day.
Bacon: And you have to be careful because they'll spit on you with their poison spit.
Me: Komodo dragons don't really spit. They just have saliva that's very poisonous.
Bear: Yeah, they don't spit poison spit.
Bacon: Oh.
Bear: You're probably thinking of Howard Dean.
I might make politics an off topic at the dinner table.
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01:27 AM
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