Overheard at work

Me: I have a problem with the UI (user interface) on this program.

Boss #2: What's the problem?

Me: It seems to have been designed by a team of near-sighted epileptics.

Boss #2: [silence]

Me: On crack.

Boss #2: [silence]

Me: During hurricane Ivan.

Boss #2: I laid that one out.

Me: The graphics are striking.

I am now tasked with defining and documenting UI standards.

Posted by: Jim at 11:55 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Overheard

Ms. Coworker: Don't freak out or anything, but I had a dream about you last night.

Sir Coworker: A dream about me?

Ms. Coworker: Well, you were in it. You, me and Bob. We were in the telecon room talking with Kansas City and I looked over at you and you had this monstrous bugger [that's 'booger' through a hellacious accent] hanging out your nose.

Sir Coworker: Gross.

Ms. Coworker: Yeah. Totally. I tried to let you know without saying anything so KC wouldn't know but you just looked at me like I was a freak.

Sir Coworker: What about Bob?

Ms. Coworker: Um...I don't know. I guess he was just gone then.

Sir Coworker: Freaky.

Ms. Coworker: Yeah. But then I emailed you about the bugger so you would know about it, only I sent it to the group by accident. All the KC people were going on like "Ewwww! Gross! It's huge!" like they could all of a sudden see it or something.

Sir Coworker: Weird.

Ms. Coworker: Yeah. So you picked it and I was like "Gag", you know? But it wasn't really a bugger. It was your brain coming out your nose.

Sir Coworker: That is fucked up.

Ms. Coworker: Yeah! Then it got weird.

Sir Coworker: That wasn't weird enough?

Ms. Coworker: Okay, it got weirder. Suddenly I was you and you were me looking at me picking the brain bugger. It was me all the time only I was confused or something because my brains were coming out of my nose.

Sir Coworker: That is one seriously weird dream.

Ms. Coworker: Yeah! Oh, my microwave is done. See you later.

Sir Coworker: Later!

Me: [suddenly and conclusively no longer hungry]

Posted by: Jim at 11:02 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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The Great T-Shirt Caper

Posted at Protomonkey.

Posted by: Jim at 12:51 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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The Evil Ones

I think it might be possible that our children have been replaced with evil clones. Or perhaps the natural evil aura of the kitten has infected them? Maybe alien implants. Whatever the source, we're talking pint sized packs of evil.

Don't believe me? Ask Bear. He's been warning us for the past couple months, saying "My brothers are evil". He also says that about the kitten, lending credence to the evil infection theory.

They talk in tongues too. It started with Burger and a nonsense phrase he was happily babbling to himself while riding his bike. From out of nowhere we heard "dar dar dar dar dar dar". Of course we thought this was hilarious. Our attempts to learn the source of "dar dar dar" have met a blank wall. We chalked it up to being a Burgerism.

Then it started to spread. At any time you might hear any of our kids or the neighbor's kids doing the "dar dar dar dar" chant. Just an innocent Burgerism? I'm beginning to think it's like the "beep" warning you get when your smoke detector battery is running low. Time for the aliens to recharge the brain implants, or something like that.

Not that the evil quotient seems to be reduced by any measure.

At the dinner table the other night Burger was doing the "dar dar" chant when he hit a clear patch of vocabulary with “I’m the fucking baby around here” followed smoothly by another round of “dar dar dar dar dar”. It was so smooth that Lovely Wife and I couldn’t be sure that we had heard what we thought we heard. So we asked him. And he proudly repeated it with an angelic smile upon his face.

I regret to say that discipline was spotty as both of us had gut aches from laughing so hard.

Evil. Cute, but definitely evil.

Posted by: Jim at 12:55 PM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
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I want theme music

UPDATE: The current Blogosphere Theme Soundtrack is in the extended entry. Add your theme music in the comments and I'll add you to the Soundtrack! This post will be stickified for a bit whilst I collect the songs.

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I was thinking about this on the way into work today. I could really use some theme music. You know what I mean, right? The sound sample that plays whenever the hero walks into the scene. Shaft had that bow-chicka-bow-wow thing and James Bond has that snippet that's been around for 40 years and just says "BOND IS HERE". Theme music. That's what I need.

I was thinking a good one for me would be that part of Won't Get Fooled Again where Townshend Daltrey cuts loose with that "Yeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!" that so inspired Howard Dean. That would be perfect for me. When you walk into the conference room along with an energetic antiestablishmentarianist "Yeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!" along with that kick ass bass line you get people's attention. But then I got to thinking. Who songs are popping all over products these days and I'd hate to end up with my theme music being associated with a Kia wagon or marshmallows some day.

So I tried to think of music that would never have a chance of ever being adopted as a corporate jingle but the sad fact is that anything decent had a decent chance of being sold to pimp toothpaste eventually. I figured I'd have to take a chance that my theme music would eventually be co-opted else I'd end up with something from the B52s or Oasis and we just can't have that.

After much hemming and hawing, deliberation and debate (hey, if you can't debate with yourself then who can you debate with?) I settled on this one.

Now I've just got to find a decent boom box.

more...

Posted by: Jim at 11:55 AM | Comments (45) | Add Comment
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