The Scene: Garret and I are on our way into work. He's wearing some new duds and talking about his shopping experience.

Garret: So even though they had a huge display of dress shirts they were all pointed collars.

Me: Maybe there's a reason that you can't find button down collars anywhere. Maybe they're a fashion no-no.

Garret: If you're not wearing a tie then a pointed collar isn't doing you much good.

Me: Or maybe they're just so popular they can't keep them in stock.

Garret: Yeah, right. I'm sure that's the reason.

Me: Or maybe it's because you're only going to factory outlets and they don't need to unload button-downs at those places.

Garret: You could stop now.

Me: But it's probably just because they're a fashion no-no.

The Scene: With Garret, on the way to work. A few minutes later.

Garret: So that was two more white shirts for only $40.

Me: All of your shirts are white?

Garret: Yeah, that's the best color for business shirts.

Me: White - it's the new black. Goes with everything.

Garret: That is such a retarded saying.

Me: What? 'Goes with everything'?

Garret: No, 'the new black'. Nobody in business wears black shirts.

Me: But it does go with everything.

Garret: So what? You might wear a black shirt when you go out but when have you ever seen somebody go to work in one?

Me: Never, I guess. Except for in the movies.

Garret: Exactly.

Me: And even then they only wear black shirts at the evil corporations.

Garret: We're not an evil corporation.

Me: Well, we don't think so anyway.

Garret: Even if we are an evil corporation, only the evil leaders of the corporation wear black shirts. All of the minions are still wearing white shirts.

Me: We're minions?

Garret: Yup.

Me: I always wanted to be a minion. All the evil, none of the guilt.

Posted by: Jim at 09:22 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 327 words, total size 2 kb.

The Scene: Jessie and I are relaxing on the couch on Sunday evening after a long weekend of back-breaking labor.

Me: I'm tired. I wish I had a neck brace.

Jessie: What for?

Me: So I wouldn't have to hold my head up.

Jessie: But then your head would always be up. That's no good.

Me: It would be removable. I'd only need it for times like this when I'm tired but need to keep my head up.

Jessie: You're odd.

Me: Yeah, that's what I need. A removable neck brace. Or somebody to stand behind me and hold my head up.

Jessie: Very odd.

There's also a new conversation with Dopple-G at Protomonkey.

Posted by: Jim at 09:20 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 124 words, total size 1 kb.

The Scene: Garret and I are driving in to work. Discussion is centered on the new dress policy at work. Garret did some online shopping the night before and was regaling me with how expensive Joseph A Bank shirts are.

Garret: We're talking $65 a shirt!

Me: $65?

Garret: Yeah, and it doesn't come with a blowjob either.

Me: Maybe that's in the pocket.

Garret: Nope.

Me: Damn. For $65 it better stand up by itself.

Garret: And wash and press itself. And then dress you!

Me: Hey, wait a second. Your khakis cost $65. Why is it okay to spend $65 on pants but not on a shirt?

Garret: Because they're pants.

Me: Oh, that just explains everything now doesn't it?

Garret: Pants are more expensive. They cradle, protect and fondle your nads.

Me: Assuming you are wearing your business shirts tucked in, the shirt will be doing that. In fact it will be closer to your nads than the pants.

Garret: [Pauses to give me "the look".]

Me: It's true. Think of the pants as your own hand, holding her hand against your nadular bits.

Garret: [More "look".]

Me: The shirt is her hand.

Garret: Then what are my boxers in this scenario?

Me: They're the chocolate sauce.

I am no longer permitted to discuss shirts while Garret is driving.

Posted by: Jim at 08:04 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 226 words, total size 1 kb.