Had an email blasted to everybody in the office this morning. It was from our Executive Fembot Assistant:

Good morning,

When utilizing the break room appliances (i.e. toaster) please do not put plastic utensils inside of them.

This can cause a potentially hazardous situation and can result in a fire.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Which led directly to this IM conversation:

CoolyCoo MoDee*: It frightens me that you have to actually tell people this.

DeathAngel**: Tell me about it! Would you believe his is the 7th time I have had to remove spoons from the toaster?! What is wrong with these people?

CoolyCoo MoDee: Dropped on the head too often as children, no doubt.

DeathAngel: Can we do that now? What does the HR manual say?

CoolyCoo MoDee: I think it's allowed, as long as you don't say anything sexual or religious while you do it.

HeadDropper: Excellent. That's my new nic.

CoolyCoo MoDee: Um...

To cap it all off, when I went to take a leak I found myself faced with a wall plastered with boogers. I work with fucking pigs. Fucking moron pigs.

* What? It's an affectation.
** Name changed (slightly) to protect the guilty.

Posted by: Jim at 05:12 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Jen is closing in on her quarter millionth visit. That's almost as many site hits as donuts on Michael Moore's brunch buffet!

Jen's also giving away a bucket to visitor number quarter millionny. Not just any bucket, mind you. Jen's bucket is full of buckety goodness.

She'll be hitting the magic number today. Who will win the goody bucket? Could it be you?

Posted by: Jim at 12:24 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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The scene: Post dinner, pre-bedtime. Some time during the day the boys had caught an episode of Dora the Explorer

Bear: Daddy! Listen to this! Uno, dos, tres, quatro, cinco. That's how to count to five in Spanish.

Me: Wow. Pretty good, Bear. Can you go higher?

Bear: Yeah, but I forgot. Can you go higher?

Me: I think so... Six, siete, ocho, nueve, diez. I'm much better in French.

Bear: Cool! Tell me in French!

Me: Un, dous, trois, quatre, senq, six, septe, huit, neuf, dix.

Bear: Wow. Can you speak in any other languages?

Me: Just cuss words mostly, but I'm fluent in Canadian*.

Bear: Can you teach me how to speak Canadian?

Me: No problem. Just say whatever you want in English but pronounce it like a question and add an "eh" at the end. Like this: It's getting close to bed time, eh?

Bear: Can I watch TV in bed, eh?

Me: Not quite. They don't use questions since every sentence is a question anyway. Rephrase that question as a statement but state it like a question.

Bear: I'll watch some TV in bed, eh?

Me: Much better! And the answer is no.

Bear: That really sucks, eh?

Me: You're a natural! Now take off hoser, eh?

* I joke about Canada because it's...Canada. Serious though, I love Canada. It's one of my favorite states.

Posted by: Jim at 12:02 PM | Comments (15) | Add Comment
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