Well, she was just 17, You know what I mean,

Earworms are nasty little buggers. Those snippets of songs that invade your conciousness and simply will not leave.

And the way she looked was way beyond compare.

I woke up with one today and no matter what I try it won't leave me alone.

So how could I dance with another (ooh)

That's not unusual though. There's really only one surefire method of getting rid of an earworm. more...

Posted by: Jim at 08:55 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
Post contains 470 words, total size 3 kb.

My company is a tad meeting heavy. I've been doing what I can to reduce the number of meetings and make them more productive. I myself have never had to schedule a meeting for my own needs. I'm a productive user of the phone, email and instant messaging and confident enough to do things under my own initiative without a group consensus. I also have more than ample time to acquire any group feedback in the many meetings I attend that are scheduled by other people.

I'm in meetings pretty much the entire day today and I'm taking the battle to the next level. Last night I had double helpings of homemade split pea soup washed down by three beers. Lunch today is more split pea soup ammo.

Cry havoc, and let slip the peas of war!*

* Rob gets credit for this deliciously creative aliteration.

Posted by: Jim at 11:43 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
Post contains 162 words, total size 1 kb.

1 Text messaging during meetings is the best way to alleviate boredom. If that fails, spitwads work well, too.

Posted by: Pam at March 23, 2005 12:14 PM (nTut6)

2 Do your meetings have any structure to them? I found that really helped expedite meetings that were clogging my schedule. Put someon in charge, delineate the seperate issues - all previous to the actual meeting. helps prevent rabbit trails. Well, that and strongarm tactics.

Posted by: shank at March 23, 2005 01:31 PM (+H1yK)

3 That's one of the big issues, shank. There's very little structure to the meetings. Many do not even have a distributed agenda. Or even an undistributed agenda. I'm working on that bit too.

Posted by: Jim at March 23, 2005 01:35 PM (tyQ8y)

4 We had issues with meetings too. We went to a class hosted by Verne Harnish. He teaches you instead of a grueling 1 to 5 hour meetings about nothing to having one simple 5 minute meeting everyday. Just to see if you all are on the same page. Then, once a week instead of that meeting you have a 20 to 30 minute meeting. Each person has their specific time to talk about what ever is on the agenda. (it's usually timed). If that person has more to say then you schedule seperate time on a one on one basis. You also need someone who is in charge of the meeting(to facilitate). You have to be strict and because you can have some talkers. (my boss for example). Do it with respect. Like...I understand "Paul" that that may be an issue for you & if you have a few minutes later we could talk about it more in my office. It really works in our office. It's painless and everyday we know what is happening in each of our jobs. If there are fires to put out. OR even when someone does something well. His (Vernes) website is: www.gazelles.com - you may think that it's a bunch of crap. But it's worth a look. Sorry for the unsolicited advice.

Posted by: Tiffani at March 23, 2005 02:51 PM (KE4Gu)

5 w00t ... erm ... when did I do that then?

Posted by: Rob at March 23, 2005 02:58 PM (kXZI6)

6 Tiffani - Advice is always welcome. Rob - You said it back on this post.

Posted by: Jim at March 23, 2005 04:31 PM (tyQ8y)

7 Shakespeare, nice. Or is that Peaspeare? Or Shakepeas? Or ShakesPEAre? Ehhh ... never mind. (think i killed the joke.)

Posted by: Kenny at March 24, 2005 04:00 PM (sVrPB)

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...will have an emptisensometer. When the pot is empty it will automatically turn off the coffee pot so a layer of baked coffee residue stronger than space shuttle tiles is not left in the bottom of the pot. When there is coffee left in the pot it will not start brewing, thereby preventing coffee brew overflow from cascading down the electrical appliance itself as well as the counter, cabinets and floor.

The advanced model will have a voice synthesizer for the latter case that will say something along the lines of "Hey, dumb-ass! Empty the damned pot first!"

Posted by: Jim at 08:29 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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I went out for a smoke break just a bit ago and realized I had left my lighter in the van. I retrieved said lighter and mid-way through my smoke I realized something. This was my second smoke break. I had already had a cigarette. Without a lighter.

There's only one logical explanation - I have superpowers. I unconsciously lit the first cigarette using my mental energies.

I'm currently trying to direct my newfound powers against Boman in the hopes that heat really does sterilize.

Posted by: Jim at 12:55 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 89 words, total size 1 kb.

The gross guy. The one who doesn't understand the social niceties of cleanliness. The guy with the black mouse that started as a white one and a keyboard that makes crunchy sounds when it's used due to the many cracker and chip bits lodged between the keys. The one with stained clothes featuring crusty cuffs from nose wipes and a greasy patch on each thigh from using pants as a napkin substitute.

At my last job this guy was infamous for his unsanitary habits. His cubicle smelled vaguely like a three week old roadkilled opossum dipped in urine. He eventually left us for a fantastic work from home opportunity. We celebrated for a week.

At this job he is known primarily for his personal odors. He has sparkling white teeth that starkly contrast with the brimstone and cabbage that he exhales. How can somebody who obviously brushes regularly have such a mouth odor problem? My theory is that he has no dental hygiene, rotted his teeth out and wears dentures.

He is also possessed of an unearthly stench about his person. It's an odor that says he fell in love with the Shower-to-Shower concept and has accepted talcum powder as his personal savior. He is a master at the Silent But Deadly. I've never heard him cut one loose but he is followed by the permanent aroma of juicy anal exhalation.

I have named him Boman* and he is my personal nemesis.

So, what's your guy like?

* B.O. Man

Posted by: Jim at 10:58 AM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
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Today marks the anniversary of one of the happiest days of my life. more...

Posted by: Jim at 05:51 AM | Comments (15) | Add Comment
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1 Hooray! Wishing you many more.

Posted by: Paul at March 15, 2005 07:44 AM (vbP6L)

2 You should celebrate. Have you facialed someone today yet?

Posted by: pylorns at March 15, 2005 08:15 AM (FTYER)

3 Not yet, no. But the day is young!

Posted by: Jim at March 15, 2005 08:17 AM (tyQ8y)

4 You remember the day you started masterbating? That's, uh, impressive. Happy Manniversary!

Posted by: Holly at March 15, 2005 08:23 AM (3SP8e)

5 It was a defining moment. Like finding my long-lost twin. "Manniversary"...ooh, I like that!

Posted by: Jim at March 15, 2005 08:29 AM (tyQ8y)

6 You are REALLY discusting!:-P

Posted by: LW at March 15, 2005 09:15 AM (MDLz3)

7 It IS impressive that you remembered the day. Let's give the man a hand! We're all pulling for another 23 years! Swallow your pride and just admit-it's a toss up! (Dude. Someone had to do it.)

Posted by: Helen at March 15, 2005 10:26 AM (Vd6WF)

8 So sorry-I just googled "slang for masturbation" that had the very best euphemism I have ever heard in my life: "Date my palm". Oh yeah. I'm still laughing in an entirely immature way.

Posted by: Helen at March 15, 2005 10:29 AM (Vd6WF)

9 Helen wins! I'm not sure what the contest was but that entry is going to be hard to beat. (ba-dum-pah) My favortie euphamism is "Dusting the duvet". It sounds so classy.

Posted by: Jim at March 15, 2005 10:43 AM (tyQ8y)

10 My favorite has always been "punching the clown". It always makes me giggle because deep down I am a 12 year old boy. Happy Handiversary, J-Snooze.

Posted by: DeAnna at March 15, 2005 12:22 PM (IdVP4)

11 There is no way I could possibly be forced to recall when I discovered the whole palm dating thing. I mean - yeah, I discovered it and all, but I don't remember much about the when... 11, 12 - who knows??? How can you possibly remember this?

Posted by: Clancy at March 15, 2005 01:36 PM (JxYJc)

12 Yeah, there has GOT to be a story here, Jim. No one really remembers the exact date they discovered self-love!

Posted by: DeAnna at March 15, 2005 05:23 PM (IdVP4)

13 I'm going to say true (whatever happened to that?) "Choking the monkey" or "Taming the one-eyed blue-viened monster" are two personal favs. It's interesting you remember your first time. Was it good for you, too?

Posted by: Simon at March 15, 2005 07:42 PM (OyeEA)

14 I quote the cousin who apears to favor "spanking the monkey"....

Posted by: LW at March 15, 2005 10:04 PM (MDLz3)

15 LOL! Happy Manniversary

Posted by: vw bug at March 17, 2005 12:31 PM (ZmXG8)

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Leaving work the other day I ran into Luka, of ER fame.

Okay, so he wasn't really Goran Visnjic, he's a programmer from a group I don't usually deal with. But he could be Goran's long lost twin.

He's from Athens (Georgia, not Greece) and has one of the most phenomenal southern drawls I've ever encountered. It was seriously weird looking at this guy who looks just like Luka and hearing Boss Hogg.

When I told Lovely Wife she responded with "He looks like Luka? When do I get to meet him?". Something tells me this guy is swimming in women.

As long as he keeps his mouth shut, anyway.

Interesting... Spellcheck had a problem with "Luka" but "Goran Visnjic" sailed right through. Who's making the dictionaries for these things?

Posted by: Jim at 09:25 AM | Comments (14) | Add Comment
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1 Just one thing.....the real Luka is not from Greece but Kroatia. Dude,I deserve points for that!

Posted by: LW at March 10, 2005 10:41 AM (MDLz3)

2 I meant the guy at work is from the Athens in Georgia, not the Athens in Greece. But I'll give you a point for clarifying.

Posted by: Jim at March 10, 2005 10:45 AM (tyQ8y)

3 All I have to say is huminahumina.

Posted by: Tiffani at March 10, 2005 11:52 AM (KE4Gu)

4 Hmm.... If I weren't married, I do believe I'd be asking to visit your place of work. Just sayin'

Posted by: Boudicca at March 10, 2005 12:45 PM (z7nbM)

5 Nuh huh. Not interested. Ya'll can get in line in front of me. He's too broody, too. . .I dunno. Not my type. As for the spellcheck, as soon as you figure that one out, lemme know.

Posted by: Margi at March 10, 2005 12:56 PM (lWAiX)

6 Minus 1 point for spelling Croatia with a 'K'

Posted by: Huts at March 10, 2005 02:30 PM (x7s+C)

7 Nope, she's excused for that one. It's spelled with a 'K' over there.

Posted by: Jim at March 10, 2005 03:50 PM (tyQ8y)

8 Yes, but we are here.

Posted by: Huts at March 10, 2005 04:37 PM (x7s+C)

9 Just because you Americans spell everything the way you like it and change things to fit your needs,it doesn't make it right.Its spelled with a K in the country of orign,therefore it IS correct with a K and INCORRECT with a C. So there. :-P

Posted by: LW at March 10, 2005 04:46 PM (MDLz3)

10 Next time I'm in Georgia, I'll have to drop some Rolos off at your office.

Posted by: Jennifer at March 10, 2005 05:30 PM (DRmU4)

11 I have but one question: does he live on the second floor? (I sure hope somebody gets that, or all of y'all will think I'm a nutcase)

Posted by: Kathleen at March 10, 2005 07:12 PM (zGCA0)

12 I'm not sure if he lives on the second floor but we do work on the second floor. "I look like Luka, I work on the second floor." It works.

Posted by: Jim at March 10, 2005 07:25 PM (MDLz3)

13 Who's Luka? I thought that was Helen's MIA teddy bear.

Posted by: Victor at March 11, 2005 01:01 PM (L3qPK)

14 *I'm* in Athens, Georgia! Where is he? Why haven't I seen him? hubba hubba!

Posted by: Trey Givens at March 14, 2005 09:45 AM (yaMs/)

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It started innocuously enough. On an ostensibly cooperative "humanitarian" mission to the tsunami ravaged Far East, the senior George Bush connived to get ex-President Bill Clinton, a post-operative heart surgery patient, to sleep on the cold, hard floor.

The next morning, Bush said he peeked in and saw Clinton sound asleep on the plane's floor. [The article does not mention how Bill then slept through Bush's cackling, maniacal laughter. - ed]

Now we learn that Clinton must undergo another round of surgery to attempt to repair damage to his lungs.

Former President Clinton will undergo a medical procedure this week to remove an unusual buildup of fluid and scar tissue from his chest, six months after he underwent quadruple bypass surgery [And just a few weeks after being forced to sleep on the cold, hard floor. - ed], his office said Tuesday.

You don't have to take your tin foil hat off to connect the dots here, people. You can almost taste the taint of Karl Rove on this plot. This is obviously an attempt by the Bush Monarchy to head off the Hillary Clinton presidential run in 2008. If they succeed in killing off Mr.Clinton they will send poor Hillary into a trough of despair from which her broken heart will never recover. Even if they have a near miss and only turn Bill into a bed-ridden differently-abled individual they know that Hillary will immediately resign her Senate seat and forgo all political ambitions to nurse him and be constantly by his side.

Now the truth is revealed. Who has the guts to brave the stormtroopers of Halliburton to do something about it? The first step is obvious. Everybody needs to link to this post and spread news of the plot. Eventually, if we all do our part, somebody at Reuters who isn't compromised by the jackbooted government thugs will pick it up and spread the truth to the world.

Only the truth, shouted loud and proud, can save Hillary and Bill from this diabolical threat. And as we all know, only Hillary can end the neocon threat, restore us to a life of liberty, and deliver the holy grail of free medical. more...

Posted by: Jim at 08:47 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Dopple-G mentioned how much he enjoys a certain type of my stories. Ones like this, or this, or maybe even this. I always aim to please, so...

The other night we had finished with the washing up and sent the boys to put their pajamas on. Burger sometimes has a difficult time with his. He can put on a two-piece with no problem but the one-piece jammies with the footies are a pain. On this occasion he had the footie jammies and he called me in to help him out. I got him dressed and then a problem surfaced.

Burger: Daddy, there's a rock in my foot.

Me: A rock? In your foot?

Burger: Yeah. In my sock.

[Side Note: All three boys smuggle rocks into the house and they turn up constantly in the oddest places. A rock in the freshly laundered pajamas wouldn't be an altogether impossible scenario.]

Me: Let me see. more...

Posted by: Jim at 02:50 PM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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1 A moral that should be learned by teachers and day care workers all over the country, I'm sad to say. Excellent story!

Posted by: RP at March 04, 2005 04:43 PM (LlPKh)

2 Oh god, I need a tissue. You made my eyes run from laughing so hard!! *grumbles* Knew I should have picked up some kleenex...

Posted by: The Webwench at March 04, 2005 07:20 PM (xflu9)

3 I recall my mother telling me similar stories about what she found in my pants...

Posted by: diamond dave at March 04, 2005 10:19 PM (l35ua)

4 I am weeping. That was frickin' great. I can oh so identify... unfortunately.

Posted by: Boudicca at March 04, 2005 11:26 PM (z7nbM)

5 Ya know, Jim, it's not so much the stories as it is how you tell them. Specifically, your creative vocabulary.... "poopicules" is simply a word you can't get anywhere else. Which is why I keep coming back here :-) And I'm just wondering if that's pronounced Greek fashion, like Hercules?... poo-PIC-yoo-leez...

Posted by: Harvey at March 05, 2005 02:24 PM (ubhj8)

6 Love it. I also love that your LW can, indeed, speak Hysterics. She's a good 'un. P.S. That whole Nekkid In The Streets thing is still not happenin'. Stupid trackback. :: kick ::

Posted by: Margi at March 05, 2005 02:58 PM (zalxZ)

7 ** wiping eyes ** after laughing so hard I teared up. I am so with you on this one.

Posted by: vw bug at March 06, 2005 03:23 PM (ILxg4)

8 That you needed reminding of one of the basic laws of parenting is a shame on us all. Might be time for a parenting guide.

Posted by: Simon at March 07, 2005 01:38 AM (OyeEA)

9 ROFL - I don't even have kids, and that just made me laugh so hard I cried! Thanks :-)

Posted by: Barb at March 08, 2005 12:35 AM (g9qHI)

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10:30
The power is out. Apparently the construction workers putting up a building across the street did something bad. Georgia Power has advised that it will be about a half hour before power is restored. In the words of our receptionist who relayed the message "...but you know how that goes."

The handful of us with laptops are good until our batteries go down, so I've launched every program on the PC and turned the screen brightness up to max.

12:15
The network finally went down. UPS units on the web servers are only good for so long. This means I no longer have anything productive to do. It also means I'm typing this in Notepad and will be uploading it later.

12:45
Lights are back on. Still no cube power so nobody with desktops can do anything. No network means I'm still playing FreeCell.

1:05
The network lives! No cube power. Two hours remaining on my laptop battery.
Time for blogreading? Heh.

1:10
People keep coming by my cube staring at my laptop covetously. It is dangerous to be among a hundred nerds who are cut off from the internet. I keep getting visions of Lord of the Flies where I'm Piggy and they want my glasses.

(Continued in the Extended Entry) more...

Posted by: Jim at 04:26 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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