She has done it before. Now she's done it again.

To the tune of "O Canada"*.

O Fistula!

A hole within my flesh!

My meat tunnel to my internal gland.

With pencil tip I poke inside,
I probe the hole in me!

From deep and wet,
O Fistula, the smell comes out of thee.

God heal this hole inside of me!
O Fistula, the smell comes out of thee.

O Fistula, the smell comes out of thee.

* Yes, I fully expect a team of elite Canadian assassins to strike at any moment. It's okay though - Michael Moore says they don't have any guns up there.

Posted by: Jim at 12:37 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 117 words, total size 1 kb.

So they can hide in strawberry fields.

A few weeks ago Jen lamented that I was not around to provide my usual witty and bolstering comments to her site. When I read that I was both touched and sympathetic. I know only too well how a website can falter without my constant input. I took pity on Jen and promised her that I would comment the very next day.

That didn't happen of course but no biggie - Jen's a single gal so she's used to guys leading her on.

But I saved a note reminding myself to write that post and today it has passed the threshold of irritation where I've just got to get rid of it for once and all. My fear of Jen's hoodoo powers conscience prevents me from simply discarding the thing so I am now writing my overdue contribution. more...

Posted by: Jim at 12:47 PM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
Post contains 1637 words, total size 9 kb.

I was one of those supremely irritating kids who never had to study in order to get A's and B's. I was a knowledge sponge who could absorb and regurgitate in the manner preferred by the US scholastic method and I did it without batting an eye. Whatever I didn't pick up in class was usually pretty easy to figure out or bullshit through. Until second year French anyway.

I didn't get French. It didn't just come to me the way math, science or history did. I didn't understand the rules for genders of words (What do you mean "dog" is female? It's got balls for Chrissake!) and I just didn't care to learn them. Verb tenses, weird spelling, variable pronouns, second person plural possessive¹...I hated it all. Because I was lazy and it didn't sort and file into the brain sponge like everything else did. Who needed French anyway? It would only be a few years until everybody who mattered was speaking English².

Well, as you can imagine I didn't apply myself to French and the results were fairly predictable. When I managed to pay attention in class I might squeak in a B or two but I was generally a C student in the Tongue of Love³. I suppose it was inevitable that the unthinkable would happen. I, Jim Peacock, knowledge sponge, achiever of the effortless A's and B's, I got a D on a test. My world shattered. more...

Posted by: Jim at 01:33 PM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
Post contains 1316 words, total size 7 kb.