September 26, 2003
But for how long? I do this stuff because it's fun. It amuses me. I am all about amusing me, always have been. I'm the guy who takes the wooden sword off the shelf in the toy aisle and yells out "I'm invincible! Have at you!". If I think it's funny or the idea of it makes me smile, I do it.
I embarrass lovely wife on a constant basis. The other day at Kroger (supermarket) I had all three kids in the cart and swung 'em around, doing an impersonation of a Tilt-a-Whirl. People stared. She almost died. Someone commented "Jeeze, grow the hell up." I responded proudly "No thanks. I'll stay young instead of turning into a bitter bitch with an asshole tight enough to squeeze pennies out of a quarter." I shouldn't talk to Lovely Wife that way - I didn't get any action for a week after that one.
The kids love it. Of course they do! I'm amusing as hell to their immature personalities. But what happens when they start to grow up and learn what "embarassment" is? How long until Bear shuffles off to the next aisle when I pick up a squirt gun at Toys 'R Us and tell him to "Cover me. I'm going in"? How old will they be when they don't want an airplane ride anymore, not because it's not still fun but because they don't want to be seen getting an airplane ride?
Hopefully it'll be a long time but it will arrive. It's as unavoidable as another Jason movie or the next Clinton scandal. It'll start with a forced laugh at one of my antics, instead of the gut busters I get now. Then it'll go to "that look" and silence. Then avoidance. It'll probably end up with my death.
Bear: Not guilty by reason of embarassment.
Judge: Looking at your case file I do see quite a number of instances where you were subjected to mortifying embarassment but you never reacted violently before. What straw broke the camel's back?
Bear: We were getting ready for the prom and Lovely Mom was taking pictures. Dad came up behind me and gave me a wedgie.
Judge: In all honesty that doesn't seem sufficient to justify homicide.
Bear: And he goosed my date.
Judge: You're right. He had to die. Case dismissed.
So my days are numbered. I'll enjoy 'em while I can though, with reckless abandon and malice aforethought.
Anybody see where I left my Supersoaker?
Posted by: Jim at
10:58 AM
| No Comments
| Add Comment
Post contains 524 words, total size 3 kb.
84 queries taking 0.122 seconds, 191 records returned.
Powered by Minx 1.1.6c-pink.
