Kelley is wondering what stuff you believed as a kid that you can laugh about now.

I had a particularly voracious monster under the bed. It wasn't good enough to keep hands and feet away from the edge. All body parts had to be protected by the Blanket of Monster Repelling or it was all over. You had approximately 5 seconds to get covered (after jumping the last 3 feet into the bed) before he would attack. I didn't have a closet monster though. The bed monster probably ate him.

I had a stair monster too. The steps to the basement were open (no backs on the steps). If you were too slow getting up the stairs he would grab your ankles. One of the most terrifying moments of my childhood was when I was tearing ass up these stairs and slipped. I smashed my shin on the wooden step so hard that I couldn't even scream, it hurt so badly. I was stuck, unable to move, just waiting for the monster to grab me. Eventually I was able to crawl up to the landing where I sat huddled in a fetal position until I could stand up again. To this day I don't know what saved me back then. Either he was asleep on his watch or just assumed I'd trucked all the way up like I usually did. I'm sure that if I'd actually been able to cry at the pain he would have been alerted and then he would have got me.

Posted by: Jim at 06:47 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 275 words, total size 1 kb.

Say that you're in a meeting with your team (programmers, production guy, product manager and boss). Further, say that you are sitting across from and just a bit over from the boss. Let's also say that she has one too many buttons undone on her blouse. And it's obvious she does not have a clue that said button is open. She's also got a lacy black little half bra thing going on and depending on which way she is facing and how she is sitting you can see nipple.

Do you stare? How openly? Is it bad if you do a jaw dropped open full-on ogle for several minutes, during which time you are aparently brain dead and slowly, one by one, the people in the meeting each realize that you are occularly linked to the boss's boobages? How bad is it when the boss herself realizes that you are visually molesting her and calls your name several times before you respond?

Finally, if at the completion of the meeting the boss stands up and it turns out that she was wearing some black leotard thing under her blouse and anything else that you thought you saw was just your own very overactive imagination, should that cancel out any asshole points that you've accumulated or does it simply mean that you are pathetic?

This is all just hypothetically speaking of course...

Posted by: Jim at 04:25 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 235 words, total size 1 kb.

So you don't believe in real magic? Well this will convince you. With my help you will now cast your very first real magic spell. Just do the following:

1. Take a deep breath.


2. Grab a pencil, pen, or other wand-like instrument.


3. Wave your wand in front of your mouth in a counter-clockwise manner. Those of you with digital clocks just wiggle it a bit.


4. Breath out! Jeeze. That was just a calming exercise, I didn't want you to hold your freakin' breath. Just breath normal, okay?


5. Speak the following line three times. Each successive line must be louder than the one previous. That means that you say it once softly, once a bit louder and then again a bit louder still:

inflatus lingua nimium

Okay, all done. You've successfully cast your first spell. What? Don't believe me? You didn't notice anything? Oh, really...

How is your tongue feeling? Does it seem a bit...large? Sort of slipping across your teeth instead of sitting nicely inside the old toothline, isn't it? In fact, it now takes some considerable effort to keep that sucker in place, doesn't it? Oh, my hapless foil how you have fallen into my evil snare.

Bwah hah! Bwah hah hah! Bwah hah hah hah hah! more...

Posted by: Jim at 12:47 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 226 words, total size 1 kb.

Just in case that last post didn't gross you out enough I'm going to share something with you. Oh, come on. Why the long face? Y'all know that when I'm disgusted with something I share that disgusting thing with you. This increases the amount of disgust in the world thereby lowering my disgust level in relation to the world as a whole. Plus, Momma told me to always share. more...

Posted by: Jim at 11:38 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 381 words, total size 2 kb.

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, right? Well, since my stats are totally mucked up by hits looking for the Paris Hilton and whatsisname amateur porn extravaganza I figured I'd just go with it.

After an intense search which led to many, many, many sites with posts much like my previous one that did not contain any link to the video in question I finally found a site that not only has the entire thing but has it for free. The site is understandably busy so it loads slow but it's worth it. This is some of the best in your face (and elsewhere) camera work I've ever seen in a non budget night vision sex video.

What's more, they have a second Paris Hilton porn where she's having a threesome with Playboy playmate Nicole Lenz and former MTV VJ/actor Simon Rex.

There's a nice compilation of Shannen Doherty stuff there too.

Without further ado, here is the link you're all coming here for: www.parishiltonshagfest.com

Posted by: Jim at 08:45 AM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
Post contains 180 words, total size 1 kb.

1 My apologies to Ryan for stealing his gag. Scratch that. All's fair in love and blogging. Heh.

Posted by: Jim at November 14, 2003 08:46 AM (IOwam)

2 I do not feel bad for beautiful Miss Paris, I see it as a lesson learned to all of us lust freaks out there

Posted by: PUSSYKIT at November 15, 2003 09:53 AM (EShIG)

3 But I couldn't see Paris in the video. Was she behind the letters? ;-)

Posted by: Simon at November 17, 2003 07:32 AM (YU5e8)

4 Where can I see these socalled videos of Paris.?

Posted by: J at November 19, 2003 12:57 PM (rZmE1)

5 THEY GOT MY E-MAIL WRONG

Posted by: J at November 19, 2003 01:00 PM (rZmE1)

6 Sorry, I have no idea where you can see the video.

Posted by: Jim at November 19, 2003 01:08 PM (IOwam)

7 binaryreport .com

Posted by: D at November 19, 2003 09:39 PM (lKUxU)

8 Here it is, no jokes http://www.sextapeparishilton.com/

Posted by: Miguel at November 23, 2003 09:03 PM (gJIag)

9 for those of u who dont no who paris hilton is shes a famous model. in my personal opinion i think that shes really hot and sexy. and if u ever seen her sex video please tell me wear i can find or see it. it would reallly help. i just want to see how hot she is.

Posted by: at November 28, 2003 09:12 PM (99FFQ)

10 this site fucking kicks ass

Posted by: at December 17, 2003 06:47 PM (rUlDs)

11 This site stinks!!! who the heck made this one?? this is just a piece of crap!>!>

Posted by: y-anne! at December 13, 2004 10:42 PM (WJ+J1)

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Seriously. She puts these evil thoughts into my brain and I am powerless to resist.

This travesty is to the tune of Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious of Mary Poppins fame. Yes, it's true. I have molested one of the world's favorite childrens' songs. Broken down, this version is cremasteric reflex it's a scrotomatic clenchin'. I'll sit quietly until the men in the white van get here.

For those who didn't see the comments referenced above, the Cremasteric Reflex is what causes a man's scrotum to contract when his inner thigh is stroked.

Cremastericreflexitsascrotomaticclenchin'!

Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle me
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle me
Cremastericreflexitsascrotomaticclenchin'!
The pleasure that it gives your groin
Is simply beyond mention.
If you do it oft' enough you'll
Release all your tension.
Cremastericreflexitsascrotomaticclenchin''
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle me
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle me

Because I was a fraid to wank
When I was just a teen,
Me girlfriend gave my thigh a stroke
And showed me something keen.
Then one day I learned the word
For my new favorite trick.
The biggest word you've ever heard
For playing with your dick!

Oh! Cremastericreflexitsascrotomaticclenchin'!
The pleasure that it gives your groin
Is simply beyond mention.
If you do it oft' enough you'll
Release all your tension.
Cremastericreflexitsascrotomaticclenchin''
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle me
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle me

So when you're with that special gal,
Or got some time alone,
Just stroke that inner thigh a bit
And watch your scrotum roam.
But better do it carefully
Or it may change your life.
One night I did it with my girl
And now my girl's my wife!
She does Cremastericreflexitsascrotomaticclenchin'!
Cremastericreflexitsascrotomaticclenchin'!
Cremastericreflexitsascrotomaticclenchin'!
Cremastericreflexitsascrotomaticclenchin'!

Posted by: Jim at 07:41 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
Post contains 292 words, total size 2 kb.

I guess writing porn pays off. Extended entry is not work safe. more...

Posted by: Jim at 10:22 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
Post contains 53 words, total size 1 kb.

Howard wants to get a solid constituency in the South but, based on recent comments, he's going to be having some problems doing so. Let's face it, saying that we should quit basing our votes on "race, guns, God and gays" shows pretty conclusively that he doesn't know his target audience. He's lumping all of us Southern bigots into one big group when there are actually three distinct types of Southern bigot. You got yer white trash, yer rednecks and yer good ol' boys and Howie is going to need to tailor his voting instructions to each group.

Now I'm a helpful sort, that's just the way folk are down here, so I've compiled a little guide for Howard to use while he's down here drumming up support. Snooze Button Dreams proudly presents:

The Howard Dean Guide To Southern Bigots

Posted by: Jim at 02:47 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
Post contains 799 words, total size 6 kb.

As Don sits studiously writing the next portion of his future historical biography, he is engulfed by a sulfurous, but oddly pleasant in a musky manly-man sort of way, cloud. As the cloud clears he finds himself in a dark and musty cavern. Standing over him is a monstrous form, complete with shiny horns and spikey tail.

Jim: Hey, Don. How's it hanging?

Don: WTF?

Jim: You didn't actually just spell out "W-T-F", did you? That is so...so...

Don: Trite? Generation-X? Geeky?

Jim: That last one. more...

Posted by: Jim at 08:58 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
Post contains 768 words, total size 5 kb.

1 I finnally linked you Jim.. course my linkage to you also involves Don...

Posted by: pylorns at November 05, 2003 09:16 AM (AhTDr)

2 I have truly arrived.

Posted by: Jim at November 05, 2003 09:20 AM (IOwam)

3 Brilliant, darling. I bow down to Jim, and not in any kind of "On my knees kind of way". Wonder what my nickname would be...

Posted by: Helen at November 05, 2003 10:06 AM (k78uM)

4 Ok, I've finnaly joined the frey... A story about Jim and Don.. and Helen.. by yours truly. http://www.wetwired.org/2003_11_01_archive.html#106804951048553418

Posted by: pylorns at November 05, 2003 11:36 AM (AhTDr)

5 You know why else I love Jim? He remembers I am six hours ahead of you guys. That's right. He knows that when he wakes up, he has posts to read. *sigh*...ain't nothing like a considerate man...

Posted by: Helen at November 05, 2003 12:38 PM (tdh2z)

6 I'm all about consideration. That's why I had to move down South. Ladies still get treated like ladies down here. Even when they're your boss.

Posted by: Jim at November 05, 2003 02:10 PM (IOwam)

7 Your gentlemanly ways proved your undoing on my latest post, my dear...

Posted by: Helen at November 05, 2003 04:56 PM (k78uM)

8 Drat. Drat and double drat.

Posted by: Jim at November 05, 2003 06:08 PM (fkewd)

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Idea totally ripped off from Don.

As God walks off into the sunset chuckling heartily over his victory against Don, Jim pops up in that annoying arms-waving-about-attracting-attention manner of his.

Jim: Hey, wait up! more...

Posted by: Jim at 05:02 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 696 words, total size 4 kb.

Ever have one of those days when you're driving into work and you're so freaking tired that you seriously think about slamming your car into that jackass next to you because then there would be a car accident and you could get a quick 15 minute nap before the emergency crew got there?

No? Uh...me neither.

Posted by: Jim at 01:34 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 64 words, total size 1 kb.

G beat me at pinball this morning. I could give excuses like he uses a good paddle and I use a house paddle or that I'm sick as a dog and regurgitating a lung right now or that my drug addled senses couldn't focus on the ball or even that he has gained enough skill to actually beat me at ping pong. But those would all just be excuses.

The real culprit is my Great Uncle. He's dead so it's not much use for me to bitch at him. You see, he and my Great Aunt lived in Hawaii and they sent me some crystals and volcanic rock when I was a little kid. This was bad. It angered the gods and cursed me, much like that episode of The Brady Bunch with the Angry Tiki God.

I didn't understand about the curse until I was a teenager and by then it was too late. I didn't have those rocks any more so I couldn't return them to Pele's bosom to break the curse. That's Pele the Hawaiian volcano goddess, not the aged soccer player.

That's right, y'all - I am doomed for all eternity to suffer the curse of the Maori. I can normally keep it at bay with constant ritual sacrifice but every now and then it will creep through into my life.

On the plus side I always know exactly why things go wrong when they do. Like this morning's ping-pong game or last week when I ran over that kid.

Damned Maori.

Posted by: Jim at 07:49 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 260 words, total size 1 kb.

Found a nifty link over at Ilyka's Place. It seems that Dean Esmay is looking to find out just what women hate about men. Ilyka had a rough time but finally thought one up. I don't see how this could be difficult for a woman. There should be loads of things that all y'all curvy wenches have against us.

Just for an example, there's the way we mark our territory over at your place. You know, the couple dribbles of pee on the rim of the toilet or the way we take the toilet paper roll off and put it back on so it rolls the right way (over the top!). Or the way we go through your cosmetics and beauty products and wipe our penises across your facial beauty bars. Or the way we'll put a couple of teaspoons of salt in your fish tank so the fishes all die and you'll sell the damn aquarium because you're so upset and that way we don't have to move the bloody thing for you when you get your next apartment.

You know, stuff like that.

Posted by: Jim at 08:09 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 197 words, total size 1 kb.

Rice-a-Roni, The SanFrancisco Treat.

Rice. A tasty side dish, certainly, but a treat? I can't imagine getting a hankering for a treat and thinking "You know what would be a nifty little pick-me-up? A nice bowl of Rice-a-Roni. Yeah, that's the ticket." As far as treats go I have to rate Rice-a-Roni way down on the list. Well below traditional items like cookies and pastry. I'm thinking it would even fall below a medium rare steak on the old Treat-o-Meter. So what exactly is up with "The SanFrancisco Treat"?

G and I think we have it figured out. What is SanFrancisco well known for, besides the aforementioned rice treat? Yes, that's right. Homosexuals. It seems pretty clear that Quaker Oats (The company that makes Rice-a-Roni and it's non-treat cousin Pasta-Roni. And why exactly is rice a treat but pasta isn't?) is inferring that the preferred treat to the homosexual palate is a tasty dish of rice.

This is very interesting and raises several questions. Why do homosexuals prefer rice to more common "straight treats"? Is this seeming sensual oddity a side effect of homosexuality or a cause of it? And most importantly, can this preference for rice be used as a substitute or enhancement of a straight person's gaydar?

We quickly decided that the first two questions lacked sufficient humor potential would likely require federal funding to investigate fully so we concentrated on the last one. Could we develop a system that uses the knowledge of tasty rice being a preferred homosexual treat to assist homophobes the world over? And, more importantly, would there be any way to make money off of it? We believed that we could indeed develop such a system but there would be little profit potential. Any money we made would most likely be lost when we were sued by Quaker Oats. Therefore our system, known as the "Rice-a-Roni Homosexual Evaluation System", or more simply the "Rice-a-Roni Test" would be open source and free for use by any and all.

Our first step was to verify that tasty rice was not a preferred treat for heterosexuals. We took a poll of our straightt coworkers (male and female) and the unanimous decision was that they did not seek out Rice-a-Roni as a treat, or even as a snack. Some admitted to occasionally using the product as a meal instead of its intended use as a side dish but even that was done rarely and only when "there wasn't anything else in the house". We did not, of course, poll homosexuals as Quaker Oats already established the homosexual preference for tasty rice as a treat and we didn't want to get beat up or anything when said homosexuals found out what we were doing.

A second poll established that all straight respondents viewed chocolate chip cookies as an acceptable treat. For most it ranked quite high or at the top of their overall treat preferences. Even the ones that didn't have a particular love for chocolate chip cookies still preferred them to Rice-a-Roni as a treat source.

Our groundwork done we set about constructing the "Rice-a-Roni Homosexual Evaluation System". Being computer nerds this naturally fell into a flow chart. The beauty of this system is its simplicity. No training is needed to administer the test, simply follow along on the flow chart according to the responses of the subject. Note that although the original intent of this test was revelation of homosexuality for homophobes (gaydar enhancement) it can just as easily be used by sexually confused persons to determine their own sexuality or as a dating assistant for homosexuals. There's a much lower chance of an awkward situation developing when asking a prospective partner if they like cookies instead of grabbing his/her ass and jamming a tongue in an ear.

So without further ado, here is the "Rice-a-Roni Homosexual Evaluation System": more...

Posted by: Jim at 09:51 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 649 words, total size 4 kb.

You knew it was coming. I was nice enough to wait until after lunchtime to make sure I didn't ruin any appetites. Except for y'all out West who are 3 hours back of me. You may want to go chow down and then come back to this.

I took a crap at work today.

Hey, that sort of works with the Pearl Jam song "Jeremy". Let's try it out:

Jim is crappin' at work today
Jim is crappin' at work today

Clearly I remember
Sittin' on the can
Seemed a harmless little crap

But he unleashed a pile
Clenched his teeth
And bore down on his ass

How can I forget
He hit me with that surprise stench
My nose left hurtin
Eyes were burnin

Just like The Crew
That stinkin AM Crew

Okay, enough levity. It's time to recount my horror. By sharing this with you I increase the total amount of revulsion in the world, thereby decreasing my own revulsion relative to the mean. more...

Posted by: Jim at 02:20 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 853 words, total size 5 kb.

Scene: Darkened bedroom

Lovely Wife: Ohhhhhh. Ahhhhhhh. Ohhhhhhh.

Me: Mmmmmmm.

LW: Oooooooooooooooh!

Me: Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

LW: Ah! Oh! Ahhhhhhhhhhh!

(Click - bedroom lights come on)

LW: AHHH!

Me: SHIT! more...

Posted by: Jim at 08:52 AM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
Post contains 376 words, total size 2 kb.

1 Go wash your face dude! And your mustache too! Ya lucky dog!

Posted by: Nate at October 13, 2003 05:24 PM (KJQ0B)

2 Dude I at least you have boys. I am not looking foward to explaing the "birds and the bees" to my daughter. And looking less to her dating and all that kind of junk. shes only 4 and already I am feeling the dread of the future.

Posted by: Agaememnon at October 13, 2003 07:14 PM (mkbJL)

3 I didn't know what to say when His Oogieness asked where babies come from, so I rattled off some nonsense about ordering him from the baby factory. He went to the wee wifey and told her that I didn't know where babies came from. It was a while after that (long after he ceased being oogie cute) before we explained to him about the broken condom.

Posted by: triticale at October 13, 2003 09:15 PM (77+mi)

4 Our oldest was a Trojan Horse baby, too. No excuse for #2 or #3 - they were intentional. We were trying for a little girl and ended up with three fifths of a basketball team. And after talking with parents of girls I thank God each day that we had all boys.

Posted by: Jim at October 14, 2003 09:05 AM (IOwam)

5 LMAO! That's the funniest thing I've read all day.

Posted by: Gennie at October 15, 2003 12:38 AM (NtJXM)

6 HEH, Well I have a girl smack dab between two boys. I am training the boys in the ways of the ninja, so they can by my little hit men when my daughter starts to date. =) I bet that kid knows what the high five was for.. with in 3 days of this story.. if he know Bagina.. Santa Clause and the Easter Bunny are not far from being found out. =) Smart Kid U have there..

Posted by: Jefferey McDowell at October 15, 2003 02:08 PM (wdInV)

7 Santa and the Easter Bunny are safe for now. He's only 4. Woe is me.

Posted by: Jim at October 15, 2003 02:48 PM (IOwam)

8 And the moral of the story is: Always lock the bedroom door!

Posted by: shell at October 15, 2003 04:08 PM (PYU23)

9 we not only lock the door, we barricade it.

Posted by: georgiapossum at August 17, 2004 10:27 AM (8weIb)

10 YIKES!!! That one hit WAY too close to home. Had a similar traumatic experience some twelve years ago (stepson worried about mommy). Same exact position, too. I skittered under the pillows like a frightened cockroach and wouldn't come out for hours...

Posted by: diamond dave at August 17, 2004 05:20 PM (r8BvQ)

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A while ago while jesting about some of the searches that find my site I made an offer for people to send in their homoerotic dreams for me to interpret them. The response has been absolutely overwhelming and of a broader scope than simple interpretation. There are people out there who need my advice and help and by gosh I'm gonna give it to 'em! I've been answering these inquiries personally but have culled a select few to share with the readership at large.

Doctor Jim,

I discovered my homosexuality several years ago and have been doing my best to become comfortable with myself and explore my sexuality. I am very happy with just about everything except for my one major failing. I am unable to come up with any genuine homoerotic fantasies and I have never had a homoerotic dream. Can you help?

Todd,
San Francisco, CA

Posted by: Jim at 08:58 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 1071 words, total size 6 kb.

Open Scene: Jim and G have just sat down for lunch. G is enjoying a turkey sandwich while Jim has leftover homemade mashed potatos.

Jim: Mmmmm. Mmmmmmmmmmm.

G: What is that you're eating?

Jim: Mashed potatos. Leftover from last night. They're heavenly.

G: They're only mashed potatos. You sound like you're having an orgasm in your mouth.

Jim: That's how good they are.

G: No mashed potato is that good.

(Jim gives G a taste of the mashed potatos.)

G: I've had worse but I've had better too. You know what would make them taste even better?

Jim: Cheese.

G: No, not cheese!

Jim: Everything tastes better with cheese.

G: Whatever. I was talking about sour cream.

Jim: Oh, yeah. A dab of sour cream can really be the difference. Lovely Wife usually puts some in but we didn't have any. Hey, you know what else sour cream is good for?

G: Masturbation.

Jim: (Stunned silence)

G: You mean besides that?

Jim: (Continued silence)

G: You caught a visual, didn't you?

Jim: Yeah.

G: Sorry bout that. You going to be okay?

Jim: Yeah.

Close Scene: Sound of one person eating as screen fades to black.

Posted by: Jim at 10:31 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
Post contains 202 words, total size 1 kb.

Do you remember O'Gradys chips from Frito-Lay? These were gloriously thick ridged chips available in Au'gratin or Sour Cream & Chives flavor. I got such a hankering for them the other day that I tried to manufacture my own. Got some Lays rippled chips and some cheddar cheese sliced real fine. Take a bite of chip and a bite of cheese. It's okay but it just didn't bring back the magic.

Man, oh man, did Pops and I love those chips. Step Mom would get one bag for the both of us when she went shopping. She shopped once a week, usually on Monday. Do the math here: (1 bag o' chips) / (high school student + adult male) * (1 full week) = (insufficient chips for harmonious living). Thanks, Step Mom. Thanks for adding that extra layer of tension between us. My raging hormones weren't causing quite enough problems without the two of us competing for food like hyenas of the Serengetti.

Anyway, like I said, we had a bag per week between the two of us. There was a set of very well defined unwritten rules for O'Gradys consumption: more...

Posted by: Jim at 01:49 PM | Comments (17) | Add Comment
Post contains 908 words, total size 5 kb.

1 Seriously creepy. I was just thinking of those chips this week! I loved them-the cheddar ones were the best. You put them in your mouth, sucked them until they were mushy and the cheesy goodness attached to your throat, then swallowed. I loved those chips....

Posted by: h at October 08, 2003 01:54 AM (ADrg6)

2 Yeah, those were the absolute best chips. Remember how you'd occassionally get one with a big cake of orange powder on it? Snagging one of those was sort of like winning the lottery. And man were they thick! Not that I was ever tempted to do so, but I've heard others decrying their superior dipping ability. They were strong chips. We're talking "Guacamole? No problem!" strong. Suspend David Blaine over the Thames strong. And those were the only snack I've ever encountered in my lifetime where I honestly could not eat just one chip.

Posted by: Jim at October 08, 2003 04:25 AM (fkewd)

3 Goodness Gracious! O'Grady's!! The best potato chip you could buy, that's for sure. What happened that Frito Lay had to quit making them? Were sells low due to a higher price or do you think maybee that the marketing/ advertising was not good enough to get enough people to try them? Yeah, I have fond memories of that beautiful chip. If anyone has an old bag that they were saving for a future birthday or something, let me know if you decide to sell it!

Posted by: D at February 21, 2004 01:50 PM (hgKUw)

4 I thought I was the only one missing O'Grady's! I have never found a potato chip that compares to the Au Gratin flavored O'Grady's. Everything else pales in comparison. Maybe someday they'll bring them back, but till then I'm holdin on to the memories! :-)

Posted by: Katy at March 15, 2004 11:14 AM (7SRyZ)

5 hehe i found them and hopefully i have some on the way if i can actually get some i will let everyone know where to get them and what it cost me

Posted by: ron at March 19, 2004 05:43 PM (ZfRrg)

6 Ohh please tell me if you can get them. I have been searching for years as they were my all time favorite. Nobody mentioned the Hearty Seasonings flavor they had. I would eat at least 3 bags of them a week. I cant believe they dont make them anymore as they were no doubt the best chip ever made!!!

Posted by: Bill at May 05, 2004 04:44 PM (Fvc9a)

7 I thought I was the only one with the passion ans severs addictionn of the thick cheesy chips.ets alletition Frito Lay to bring them back. I can do without Fritos completely so there shoud always be room for them on the shelves.HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: chris at May 06, 2004 11:17 PM (AaBEz)

8 I too much loved the O'Gradys chip. If anyone knows where to get a bag I would love a blast from the past. I saw we all send massive amounts of emails to Frito Lays demanding they bring back their alltime best tasting chip. For those who never had the pleasure of tasting one just simply don't know what they were missing. Poor saps...

Posted by: Tara at August 13, 2004 09:20 PM (h20c+)

9 I have an un-opened bag of Au-gratin that I found when I finally moved house some weeks ago. A little crushed but still intact. I am reluctant to open and sample this blast from the past as the used by date is Feb 1986. From the feedback on this site alone, it is nice to see other people fondly remember this great product. My next query is Triple Treats and the dissapearance thereof. I am thinking of contacting Lays and showing them this website in the hope they can maybe re-release this product as it has some well founded support. These were the best chis ever as you all know. They got it right! Why would they pull such a good product off of the market? Sales would no doubt be the answer. So why were they no marketed better? Hmmmmmm! David

Posted by: David at October 14, 2004 11:11 PM (Qn8WI)

10 O'Grady's potato chips represent one of my fondest food memories from the 8O's. I'd wondered for years what happened to them & I still want them back, but it's nice to know that I'm not alone. I'd never even been on the internet until a couple of years ago, & I just thought I'd see what I could find out about this. It's probably just wishful thinking, but maybe if enough of us are heard, it'll be revived.

Posted by: Kevin at October 19, 2004 03:14 PM (QCLlJ)

11 Oh the O' Grady's! I think they stopped making them because of the disagreements in the contracts with the vendors that make them and license Frito-Lay to sell them. Hey all, Lay's Wavy Au Gratin chips are similar, not quite as salty or super cheesy, but really good! They are thick cut and crispy.

Posted by: Jen at October 19, 2004 03:40 PM (yW38E)

12 Man i don't feel alone anymore. Me and my mom use to sit after school and watch T.V. and enjoy a bag of those great chips. If there were none in the house I would be always willing to run to the store and get some.....usually would only take a commercial break to get to the store and back. Were there was a will there was a way.

Posted by: Cory at October 28, 2004 03:01 PM (fVjKz)

13 Hey Guys, The closest thing that I have found to O'Gradys is Lay Ruffles Chip with Cheddar and Sour Creme there "GREAT"!!

Posted by: Al at November 02, 2004 04:35 PM (6krEN)

14 O'Grady's were the most delicious chip I have ever had. Why would a company stop making a product that was so popular? We need to get them to make O'Grady chips again!

Posted by: Frank Masi at November 03, 2004 09:18 PM (+7VNs)

15 me and dad are talking and there is little info on them online. I miss them so does my pops.

Posted by: the bliz at December 01, 2004 05:46 PM (3otH0)

16 I have been cvraving these for years. I ate them for lunch every day at school in the 80's. I moved to Canada and just thought that Canadians didn't have them. I've been back in the States for two years now and have had a few mouth watering eppisodes while thinking about them. I just went on-line to see if I can order them somewhere. I'm so bummed now. I didn't know that they had been discontinued all together.

Posted by: Arthur at December 14, 2004 11:47 AM (+rqDI)

17 dudes you have to be a complete jack-a-- if you don't like these chips... they rock... alright pat!

Posted by: Potatoes O'Gratin at December 20, 2004 01:53 PM (Mziv8)

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The polls will soon open on the highly contested California recall election. Who to vote for? All of the serious candidates have been dragged so thoroughly through the mud by their competition that it seems like your choice is either the lesser of evils or a throwaway vote for a porn star. I say forget everything you've said or know about any of the candidates. Let's face it, their personality and past actions don't really matter squat for how well they will handle the reigns when they're in office and there's no way to know how well they will handle those reigns until they are in office. Lacking anything practical to measure them with i recommend using something impractical. Specifically, the entymology of their names. Why the hell not? It's about as accurate a measure of their worth as anything you've read or heard about them.

That said, there are really only two choices we have to worry about. Sorry, Gary, you're not even a long shot in this one. And Arianna, you have a better chance of getting groped by Arnold than you do getting anything close to a respectable percentage of the vote. Actually, that's a bad example. You've got an excellent chance of getting groped by Arnold, no chance for the vote. Anyway, here's how Cruz "Bustamove" Bustamonte and Arnold "Governator" Schwartzenegger stack up:

Bustamonte: "busta" (busto) is Spanish for "bust" as in bosom or breasts. "monte" means "it mounts", also in Spanish. So a vote for Cruz is a vote for mounting busts, more typically known as "getting in the saddle".

Schwartzenegger: "schwartz" (schwartzes) is German for "black". There's no need to spell out what "negger" means. A vote for Arnold is obviously a vote for the African American man.

So who would you rather have as Governor of California? A Democrat who is going to have his office characterized by sex scandals or a Republican who will be dedicated to support of minorities? I know where my vote would go.

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